Just Give Me a Reason
by EvaMawesome7
Summary: After that electrifying, impulsive night with Lauren; the one which revitalized Arizona, and gave her that euphoric rush; and the one that satisfied all that resentment, betrayal and sheer sadness; it felt, surreal, like a breath of fresh air, or even air, until it hit her; it happened, REALLY happened. What about Callie? Is it too late? Can they learn to love again?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: **

She let her fingers experience the frisson and danger of every curve on that body as she traced them over her soft, succulent, bareness. Let every ounce of her skin indulge in her audacious bows. Her tender, soft, rosy lips met those luscious, red ones in a violent passion. As her mouth mapped every inch of that bronzed suppleness, Callie moaned sighs of pleasure and dug her nails deep into that alabaster skin, flipping her over in a moment of vehement thirst, letting her own body make its way on top of Arizona's, placing both her thighs on either side of her pelvis. She let her hands trace Arizona's collar bone with the tip of her fingers at a consistent, slow, seductive pace as they ascended up the slow rise of her breast. Callie's skin enjoyed every bit of their encounter with Arizona's as her fingers completed their ascent to the peak of her chest, she slowly spread her hand and let it leisurely cover her breast, where she gently compelled it and felt the lines on her palm experience Arizona's obvious fervent reaction, while her other hand advanced down from her chest through the delicious skin of her abdomen as her fingers did a zealous dance over every fold of Arizona's torso and slipped over her folds, under her forgiving, black silk panties to passionately embrace her smooth, now moist, thighs. Arizona arched her back as she beckoned so frantically for that touch, for those full, luscious, round breasts to be thrust against hers, to have every morsel of her being be consumed and obsessed by all of Callie, the thrill and shudder and the frantic, lustful ache of that moment was only the icing on the cake, because the cake for Arizona was knowing, just knowing that Callie was hers and only hers, and that she was Callie's, that her skin, would only ever experience that warm seduction of Callie's, and nobody else. That that fervour and intensity which she only felt in Callie's arms would only ever be felt by her, and nobody else, the safety and shelter of that deep touch and feel would only be hers. With that thought caressing every corner of her mind and soul, her tongue rendezvoused with Callie's as her lips ardently met Callie's in a firm, erotic battle, her hands subconsciously stole up Callie's breasts, rushing from the sides of her neck nestling in her hair, as her thumbs caressed her jawline with every kiss. Every erogenous moan and sigh and pant in that room blended together to form a stimulating harmony. Arizona knew Callie's scent; she could smell that maddening blend of cinnamon and warm vanilla while her hands grazed over Callie's rich hips and aggressively encompassed her wetness as they enter the insides of her thighs. She felt it in every touch, the passion, the lust, the love, she loved every bit of her, she wanted to be everywhere at once, her fingers wanted to embrace her beautiful breasts as well as her tender abdomen while holding onto those full hips. Her blonde hair formed an irresistible pattern on the navy blue sheets. Callie let her tongue experience the taste of Arizona's skin, the sweetness stroked her mouth as she sucked on her lower abdomen while her hands enriched the moist, humidity they felt in the folds of Arizona's thighs, her heart flipped as she heard Arizona pant "Ohhh….godd Callie, I –" , "Say it, say it Arizona", she managed to let her mouth release, "Get inside of mee, I need you right now, oh so bad Callie, I –", Callie complied with intense joy, the poetic sexiness of that tanned skin meeting the creamy glow was not disturbed even as Arizona further arched her back, her blood rushed , her pupils dilated, Callie looked into those blue eyes changing into a deeper shade and knew it was because of her, she loved this moment, the nirvana, the crescendo, the vulnerability she saw in Arizona which compelled her to protect every part of that magical body, she knew it, she knew she loved her, more than anything or anyone, "OH Goddd! CALLIIEEEE!", Arizona cried as she impulsively opened her eyes and sat up in bed, her fingers clenching tightly to the blanket, tears made tracks down her cheeks, tears she didn't even realize were so unabashedly flowing, her heart was palpitating when she looked to her side and saw no one there, she was oblivious to her desperate sobs as she felt her stomach turn, and bitter bile rush spontaneously to her mouth as she stumbled out of her velvet comforter, and ran to the bathroom, collapsing in front of the toilet, as she emptied her stomach. Sweat dripped down her temple and she couldn't stop crying, oh, she wanted her so bad, all she wanted was Callie to wrap her arms around her and make her feel safe, and whole and happy again, that's all she wanted as she looked down at her hand, clenching the bathroom mat and saw the fainting line of where her wedding band used to be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

She felt the hot water soak her brown hair and rush down to embrace her body; it rippled down her warm flesh, infusing her skin with its temperateness. Callie loved hot showers, the long, steamy ones, she loved them. The searing, sweltering water felt so passionate and exciting and tranquil all at the same time. Or it at least _used to_, the hot water today felt just that, hot, blistering, scorching liquid which smothered her, everything felt cold, even the warmth.

Showers _always_ reminded her of Arizona, she had always loved being indulged by Callie in the shower. Even if they were on-call at the hospital and had only a few minutes, "Well Calliope, it _IS_ for the planet, plus we'd save time" Arizona used to say with a mischievous sneer, and that twinkle in her eyes, oh god that smile, the smile which made Callie melt, which made her insanely blissful of the fact that she actually _got_ this woman, this perfect, beautiful, amazing woman. SHE could wake up every morning to see her face, and could lie in bed holding her in her arms, could cry while she stroked her hair and could kiss those lips, could touch that skin, could be….just could _be_ with her, that one thought made Callie exultant, and she would _never_ let it go.

Today, today she tried with all her being to suppress those memories, to shut down her mind and just get the hell out of that _damned_ shower.

It had been four months, four long, painful, torturous months since her _perfect_, _beautiful_, _amazing_ wife had slept with another woman, had cheated on Callie, since that seamless marriage which half the hospital envied had been burned to the ground. _That_ storm which had swept through Callie's existence, it had ruined It all, turned Callie's life upside down, made her lie in bed crying every night _begging_ for God to let her hate Arizona Robbins, just hate her and not miss her, and not think about her, just purely hate the woman, she had crumbled Callie's world. It had been four months, since the woman she _wanted_ to hate had slept with Lauren Boswell.

Callie had left the bathroom door ajar, just in case Sofia woke up and started crying, Callie would be able to hear her. She stepped out of the shower through the glass door, into the navy blue bath mat, her body dripping with water; she grabbed her red Turkish towel and patted it down. Tying it above her chest, she stepped out of the bathroom. She quickly tiptoed into Sofia's nursery to check on her daughter. Her feet couldn't move at the sight of that angelic, cherubic face; she was all she had anymore; tears brimmed her eyes, but she decided not to think about it tonight. She rushed into her bedroom, quickly got dressed and left her hair down to dry. She pulled on a purple, body-hugging sweatshirt to shield her from the gray Seattle winter and wore black yoga pants; she slipped on a pair of socks as she walked into the living room.

It had been 3 months now, since her and Sofia had moved out of their apartment. She had booked this place in a hurry, but luckily, it had come well-furnished, with mahogany floors, 2-bedrooms, 1 bath and a kitchen. It was smaller than her old apartment, but it didn't really matter. There weren't too many picture frames, or things which made the place too personal, although Callie wanted to make it as normal and homey as she could, for Sofia, she did not, _in any way, _want to inflict any of this on Sofia, it was hard enough on her waking up at midnight screaming and crying desperately for her _mama. _Nonetheless, she avoided identifying with the place, because she dreadfully wanted to suppress most of her recent memories, she had a few pictures of Mark, the SGH gang (which included almost everyone, with a few exceptions like Erica Hahn and Izzie Stevens), two pictures of her Dad, and one picture of Arizona in the nursery, because Sofia loved it so much (it was Sofia and Arizona at the park, Arizona held her in her arms and Sofia had ice cream smeared all over her huge smile), but that was it. She had wholly engrossed herself in either her career or Sofia.

Owen had been sweet enough to give her a couple of weeks off of work _with_ pay, to help her get settled and recover, _physically_ at least. The break-up of the hospital's sexiest lesbian couple was no secret; it was like Christina said "The only thing that travels faster than disease in this place is gossip" and oh was this gossip… the real good kind too.

Callie poured herself some Scotch, and let her body embrace in its warmth, she tried avoiding leaning on alcohol these days because she didn't want to fall off the track and lose herself, she needed to be here, for Sofia, and Sofia _needed _her. She didn't want to sleep just yet, because she knew who she would think of as soon as she closed her eyes. She felt sad and lonely, and she missed Arizona, unbearably missed her, but she hated her too. She rested her head wearily on the arm of the couch as her body instinctively jumped at the sound of the doorbell fiercely breaking the serene environment in that apartment. Callie put down the glass of alcohol and hurried to the door when the doorbell rang again. She swung the door open and was slightly surprised at the red- head standing at her doorstep. She had intense, emerald green eyes, sharp features, a defined jawline and beautiful lips, with wavy, red hair; she could have easily pulled off being a Bond- girl, but she settled for being a surgeon instead. She had an inviting, compassionate smile on her face,

"Hey, Callie. You forgot these at my place this afternoon and I figured they are _pretty _damn important, ha-ha!" she said as she held out her hand.

"Oh, oh my gosh Addison, I – uh – I'm so sorry, I – you could've called and I could have come pick them up, its late and you, wow – I'm so –" Callie driveled on with her eyes closed and her fingers rubbing her temple when Addison interrupted her,

"Oh shut up Callie! I have a date in ten minutes at that pizza place on the corner of your street, so I was _literally_ around the corner and – hey you okay?" Addison said when she noticed Callie's wet eyes and tired expression.

"You know, I'm fine, just thanks for the keys, you wanna' come in and kill time until your date? Wow, hey you are here for what? 2 weeks, and you already have a date! Slut-much?" Callie desperately tried to change the subject grabbing her keys from Addison's hands; she remembered she had had to use the hide-a-key underneath her doormat. Addison had already taken off her black Louis Vuitton coat and sat down on the couch. She wore a Navy blue designer suit which she stunned in.

"Hey! Mean! It's just a date; I'm not sleeping with him – just yet!" she said with an animated expression. "Now, seriously, what is up with you? I know it's hard right now, but you seem extra weird today, did something happen?" she said worriedly.

"I – I have to meet her tomorrow, here, at the apartment. She's coming over, because – for – to pick up Sofia- umm….. for two nights and – well uh- that was the deal and I – uh – don't know, I just – I can't deal with that now", the words poured out of her mouth before she even knew it and her voice began to quiver.

"Hey, you are gonna' be fine. I know it's hard and I won't pretend to understand, but Callie, I hate to break it to you, but you still haven't stopped thinking about her! You _need _a distraction; you _need _a way to get over it! I know a couple of _hot_ women who – "Callie interrupted her, "No! No Addison I do not wanna' be set up! God! Uhgg, I just – "Callie said with an exasperated look.

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry. Ok listen, I can't understand this thing with you and Arizona, she cheated on you, she hurt you, but she is not Mark, she doesn't _just_ cheat! I know she loves y –"she immediately stopped when she noticed Callie's expression change "– anyways, you won't even talk to her like I've been telling you to! So, when you meet her tomorrow just think about all the fun we'll be having in the evening, at Joe's? The entire gang is meeting cuz' of that Teddy Altman visiting thing remember? And YOU are not bailing again", she said as she squeezed Callie's hand trying to comfort her, and after checking her watch, quickly started gathering her things.

"Oh, oh Addison, do I have to? Please!" Callie wined when Addison fiercely interrupted her, "YES you do! If I am sitting on a table across from Meredith Frickin' Grey and her little posse, then you are coming! Plus, Arizona has Sofia for the night right? So it's _perfect_!" Addison knew it was important to get Callie out of her rut, "And I am leaving now, I have a date, are you going to be okay? Or do you need me to stay?"

"No, no, you go, I'm good, and I'll come tomorrow uh- go be a slut ha-ha!" Callie said with an artificial leer on her face. "I'll remember that Dr. Torres" Addison said hugging Callie as she stepped out the door.

The house was silent _again_. Callie turned all the lights off, swallowed half a Diazepam to help her sleep, kissed Sofia and turned on her Dora nightlight. She walked into her empty bedroom, already feeling drowsy from the Diazepam, let out an exhausted sigh and slipped under her covers. The pill helped her suppress most of her memories and anxiety as she glided into a medication induced slumber; after all, she would need all her sanity for tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

Arizona Robbins was nervous, more nervous than she had been the night before, or before she took a shower, or before she put on her high-heeled prosthetic. She was nervous to face _her_ again; obviously, they had seen each other at the hospital. But that had been a neutral, social environment which made it very easy to mask every emotion and sensation her mind was so _frantically_ longing to display. All the times they had taken turns taking Sofia home had been from the hospital nursery, polite HI's and Hello's, middle-of-the-road "I'll pick her up at 5"s. The only couple of times it hadn't been from the nursery, was when Sofia had sleepovers with Zola and either one of them picked her up from Meredith's. This was going to be different; it was going to be unguarded and exposed, it reminded her of the night of the storm, the _last_ time when she was unprotected and bare. The fear and the angst was all worth it though, for Arizona, because she discerned she would be rewarded with the one thing she _knew _could make her happy, the one thing that missed her _just _as much as she missed it, she was ready to be _unguarded _and _exposed_, if it meant she got to hold Sofia in her arms again.

She wrapped her jacket tighter across her chest as stimuli to the windy winter as she stepped out of her car onto the pavement. Walking up the steps of Callie's new apartment building, she could hear her heart beat as hysterically as her mind yearned for a cigarette. She hurriedly climbed up the three flights of stairs, it's as though her mind was in a trance all the way through, because she didn't seem to remember how she even reached the doorstep of apartment 304, until she felt a sharp pain in her left leg and cringed. Her fingers were surprisingly steady as they pushed the black doorbell on the side of the wooden door, a stark contrast to the rhythm of her heart, Arizona grinded her teeth for the pseudo-century the next ten seconds pretended to be, she could feel her stomach turn and was hit with another wave of nausea which she desperately tried to suppress, she tried to take deeper breaths but she could feel her feet plummeting; the door opened.

"Hey", Callie stood at the door; the expression on her face was unreadable.

"Hey, Calli- hi", Arizona desperately tried to hold on to at least a shred of her stability as she stood face-to-face from the woman who had _cut off_ her leg, who had _lied_ to her, had _betrayed_ her, had _broken_ her promise, the woman who made her heart jump, who made her want to sob and yell, who she wanted nothing more than to feel the skin of, who she wanted so desperately to hold close to her body this very second; Callie looked so vulnerable and alone and – she didn't know _what_, but she _knew_ she didn't like seeing her this way, she seemed thinner than before, tired, and she could see her eyes were damp, she looked so different out of her dark blue scrubs; and _that_ smile, the one which lit up her entire face, it wasn't there anymore; somehow, she looked as _beautiful _as ever to Arizona.

"Umm – hi, I – c'mon in, Sofia is – come in", Callie managed to get out, as she tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear, minimizing eye contact, it was painful enough being in the same room with _her, _she knew she couldn't possibly bear to look her in those blue eyes. As Arizona stepped in, Callie's body was overwhelmed by her scent, the one which she was so used to waking up with; to going to bed with, that scent she didn't even _realize_ she missed so avidly – until now. It was too much; Arizona, that intoxicating fragrance, the way her blond her made irrational patterns on the black cashmere sweater which clung on to her curves so persistently, the way her back curved into her waist flowing onto her tight hips, the way her chest moved with every breath, the way she had felt that breath, run her fingers through that hair, felt that heartbeat, that skin, _every_ single night; the _way_ Lauren Boswell had too.

"Sofia! Sweetie, hurry up! Mama's here!" Callie called out into the nursery where the little girl was desperately trying to stuff all her soft toys in her _Mystery Machine _backpack.

"Umm, wow – looks like it's really cold out – you want some coffee or – or something?" Callie asked Arizona as she sat down on the couch.

"No – no, thanks but we should really get going cuz' – its – well it looks like the weather's gonna' get worse before it gets better so –"she said with a smile but trailed off as she saw Callie enter the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee.

"Yeah well, looks like Sofia is gonna' be a while so you might as well warm up", Callie found it easier to talk to Arizona without looking at her, she walked out with a cup of coffee and began handing it to Arizona with a smidgen of a smile which disappeared just as quickly as it formed, she suddenly furrowed her eye-brows, and pulled away the cup, "Unless, d – do – you still take it the same way?" and immediately felt like slapping herself for the presumption.

"Yeah, yeah Calliop - Callie, it's okay – I do, cream, no sugar", Arizona said in a soothing voice sensing the stress Callie was in, which she knew had _absolutely_ nothing to do with the coffee. She took the cup of steaming coffee from Callie's hand, "Thanks Callie". Callie responded with a nod as subtle as her smile and sat down diagonally from Arizona, the farthest spot she could find. "Sof! Mommy's _not _kidding now!" Callie raised her voice animatedly.

Arizona sipped the coffee, admittedly, the hot liquid running down her body felt comforting in this weather, a slight smiled flashed on her face as her mouth registered the proportions of her coffee that _only _Callie could ever conceive, she instantly tried to suppress that smile and felt her face burn up at the thought that Callie had maybe seen her, she wondered if it was possible for her heart to burst out of her chest – because that's what it felt like right at this very moment. Callie stared at her feet and pretended to be waiting for Sofia, the tension in that room resonated from every wall; she could feel so, _so _many emotions but didn't even know what they were.

"Callie." Arizona said suddenly.

"Hmm?" Callie looked up at Arizona and raised her eyebrows.

"I – umm….I joined group, like group therapy for Amp – "she took a deep breath, licked her lips as Callie's heart skipped a beat, and started babbling at the fastest pace she could go, "for people with handicaps and I've been going to therapy, like the one- on- kind, ha-ha", she didn't even know why she laughed at that point, "with, with Amy Wyszynski, she's the hospital pshycia – well you know who she is; I go 3 times a week, and it's been a while now, a couple of months. Since you - since you left." She couldn't believe she _actually _said that last part and instantaneously wanted nothing more than to crawl under a rock and die.

"That's good Arizona, its - I hope it helps", Callie didn't know what to say, except for some reason she now felt _even_ angrier at Arizona; now, _now _is when she goes to a fucking shrink to _talk_, after she hurt me, and Sofia and _slept _with that slut. All she had to do was _mention _it, just mention it _once _to Callie that she was unhappy, that something felt off, that it didn't feel right, instead, what does she do? She just frickin' _smiled._ "Arizona, you – "She was interrupted by the lightning that swept through that room at warp speed as Sofia came running out and jumped into Arizona's lap, "Mamaaaaaa!", she had the biggest smile on her face and wrapped her arms around Arizona's neck as tightly as she could, "I mwissed you SHO SHOO MUCHHH!" she said as she snuggled in Arizona's lap and dug her face in her hair.

"Heyyyy babyyy! I missed you SHO SHO much too!" She said laughing as pure, utter joy overwhelmed her when she squeezed that chubby little body as snugly as she could, despite the way things were going, and how upset she was, and how much she cried every night, in this _one_ moment – the sheer bliss she felt, nobody could take it away, she didn't even realize that tears were streaming down her face before she started sniffling and saw Callie glance at them from the corner of her eye as she picked up Sofia's little purple bags and gathered them in the living room; she quickly brushed away a couple of tears off her cheek.

Of course Sofia could be counted upon, "Mama why you cwy? You sad?" Arizona quickly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and put on her biggest smile while Callie's heart broke at what she just heard; she of course, pretended to not hear. "No baby! Why would I be sad? These are happy tears! Because I missed you SO much!" Arizona managed to let out. "Mama wheyyy was you, why you wont come back!?" Sofia tried pronouncing her r's as she looked at Arizona with an innocently worried expression. "Well, sweetie, I was –", this was her breaking point, her voice shook, she couldn't think, she opened her mouth but Arizona choked as she began that sentence.

"Okayy girly, enough questions, Mommy has to go to work in a half hour, so hurry up now!" Callie interjected as she saw Arizona's expression. Callie literally felt like she was going crazy at this point, a part of her wanted to scream and yell at Arizona and another part wanted to run to her side, hold her in her arms and wipe away those tears; instead she just stood watching her daughter jump off of the couch and run to the door. Sofia looked at Callie and her big brown eyes immediately welled up with tears, "Aww baby its ok! I'll see you again tomorrow night! Let's not be a big baby now!" Callie said as she picked up the little girl who had her arms stretched out and kissed her on her forehead, she squeezed her tightly and put her back down on the floor. Sofia wiped away her tears and went running to her _mama's _side, so Arizona was right; children are resilient. "Now honey, pick up your backpack." Arizona wrapped the muffler tighter around her daughter's neck,

"Baby it's really cold outside, so I need you to be careful ok?" Arizona said picking up Sofia's little bags in one hand, but when she bent down a piercing pain shot through her left leg into her waist and she instinctively gasped and covered her mouth with one hand, while the other went to her leg, she quickly stood up straight which just aggravated the pain and her eyes shut tightly,

"Mamma?" Sofia's eyes widened as she ran to her side.

"Arizona? Hey, hey are you okay?" Callie was next to her before she knew it; she picked up the bag from Arizona's hand and rubbed her back, Arizona could hear Callie's heart wrenching; Callie knew this pain, she had dealt with it in hundreds of her amputee patients, she _knew_ it was bad. She placed her hand on her back and rubbed it up and down with the flat of her palm; the feel of Arizona's body was so _familiar_, so comforting, for a moment she wished she could _touch _her that way forever, no matter how inappropriate that thought was at this moment, she saw Arizona's face and realized that the pain had subsided and quickly reminded herself to let go.

"It's – I'm – uh ", she took a deep breath and tried to regain her composure, it had been months since Callie had touched her, she wanted to grab those hands and hold them close to her chest, she wanted to pull Callie close to her and succumb to her touch, she wanted her to heal that pain, the hurt in her leg, the ache of her heart; the ache which existed because _Callie _cut off her leg. "I'm fine, I just – the weather and –"she stopped right there, picking up the bags; she _had_ to get away from her, get away from _Callie _right now.

"Are you sure you're gonna' be okay Arizona, I could drive you and -?" Callie said with a concerned expression, she saw the pain Arizona was in, the pain she had _been in_ for the past year and a half, before Arizona interrupted her.

"Yes, Callie I'm perfectly fine." She winced at the tone those words came out in, "Thank you", quickly breaking eye contact, she smiled at Sofia who was clinging on to Arizona's finger and started walking out the door,

"Say bye – bye to Mommy Sofia", Arizona flashed a quick look at Callie as Sofia screamed "Bye – bye Mommy! I wuv you!" at the top of her lungs, "I love you too sweetie, see ya' tomorrow!" Callie shot her biggest smile at Sofia as she watched them both walk down the stairs. She shut the door and leaned against it letting out the biggest sigh, finally she could let go of the exercised expression on her face, she could let herself _feel_ ; she began rubbing her temple, as the now painfully apparent isolation took over.

Callie Torres did not trust Arizona Robbins; she believed that _that _was the only woman capable of hurting her, of _destroying _her, and she had, more than once; but when it came to Sofia, she trusted Arizona explicitly, she could see how _much _she loved that little girl, and even though Arizona had made her _livid _and wounded and miserable_, _she would - she _could _never take that away from her – or from Sofia.

Callie walked into her bedroom and began undressing, she had to quickly jump in the shower and go to work, her shift started in fifteen minutes; anyways, Addison was going to come over later to help her pick out something _nice _to wear for tonight, Joe's; a trip she was not looking forward to.

She closed her eyes and all she could think of was Arizona, the way she smelled, her soft smile, her pain, her defenselessness, her touch, her _betrayal_; she wanted to bang her head against the wall and desperately get rid of those thoughts. She knew she couldn't do this to herself, think about Arizona, cry herself to sleep every night, miss her so _damn _much;  
maybe Addison was right? Maybe it was time to _move on_? Time to _distract _herself? Or give one of those women a call? Maybe Joe's wouldn't be such a bad trip after all…


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

"Then – then I said 'You didn't lose anything.'", she stated matter-of-factly.

"You 'said' it? Can you describe your tone of voice Arizona?"

"I don't know", she sounded almost cold, detached.

"Well, you told me everything else so far, we worked together to remember it; every detail of it. This is important Arizona. Please, I'm _asking _you to try and remember; how was your tone when you said that sentence?" Dr. Wyszynski asked in an unwavering, passive tenor.

Arizona closed her eyes; her expression was guarded, like the subject made her uneasy and uncomfortable. She sat on the corner of the olive-green leather couch in Amy Wyszynski's brightly-lit office, with her left leg tucked under her right one; her hands were in her lap. She spoke almost as though she was narrating a conversation from a third person's point-of-view; that's kind of how she felt too; like a _third person_.

"I was loud, I screamed and I think – I think she was crying -shocked, she – yeah.", now her voice cracked.

"Ok, Arizona we are trying to focus on _you_ now. How were you feeling when you 'screamed' at Callie?"

"I don't know."

"Arizona?" she bent down to meet her gaze.

"I don't know how I felt! How the hell is this helping?!" she snapped, her emotions started spilling out and she immediately tried to hold on to her flitting self-control. She clasped both her hands together until her knuckles turned white and took a deep, shaky breath in.

"I'm sorry." she practically whispered, surprised at her own outburst.

"That's completely fine; I don't want you to hold on to your emotions Arizona. Now, try again, how were you _feeling_ when you said 'You didn't lose anything'?" she persisted on, Arizona's threatening melt-down not disturbing her uncommon composure

"It felt – I felt not me" Arizona's voice shook, her breathing erratic, as though she was trying to desperately control something inevitable.

"Can you specify what that means?"

Arizona looked up at the Doctor; she started speaking as though she was hearing her emotions for the first time.

"I was hurting her, I – she talked, she was saying things, things which didn't even - ! I couldn't – My mouth and brain… they didn't have any – Uhgg – "her voice escalated dramatically now, she found it harder to breathe, her fingers touched her brow and she rubbed her temple, but she made direct eye-contact with Dr. Wyszynski, "she DID'NT GET IT! She just _said _things, hollow, meaningless CRAP that I held on to! That I counted on! My leg?! That was – "she stopped abruptly searching for the right words. She was leaning at her waist now, her hand clutching the arm of the couch.

"What Arizona? What was your leg?" Dr. Wyszynski zoned in on Arizona's face, maintaining eye-contact as though encouraging her to complete her thought.

"It was – she didn't HEAR me! She kept on saying something about it all being about the leg! It wasn't _just _the leg!" she started out with a murmur and rocketed to almost shouting now.

"Then what was it? What else?"

"What else?!" she asked in an almost ridiculing manner, more a statement than a question, "It was EVERYTHING! Her _fucking _promises! Her words! _Every_ fucking thing that came out of her MOUTH!" hot tears stung her eyes now and there was a painful lump in her throat intimidating to choke her, "She CUT OFF my leg!"

"What  
would you have liked her to do?"

"What!? What- what the HELL does that even mean!?" her heart threatened to surge out of her rib cage.

"I mean, what would you rather she had done? Instead of cutting off your leg?" Dr. Wyszynski still seemed painfully unaffected by Arizona's escalating aggression.

"I don't know –let's see! NOT cut off my leg!?" she exclaimed in a deriding tone; of course, not even altering a line on her doctor's face. The atmosphere in the room changed dramatically, it's as though Arizona's feelings of resentment and pain and sheer obliviousness to the spinning of her mind were echoing off of every corner in that chamber.

"But as you told me earlier, you were coding, without amputating that leg – you would have died, that was a certainty? Am I right?" Dr. Wyszynski probed raising her eyebrows.

She continued as though she didn't hear the Doctor, "She PROMISED me! She took my hands, looked me in the eye and she _promised_ me she wouldn't cut off my LEG! I trusted her –"her voice splintered now and those hot, stinging tears violently spilled out of her eyes; Arizona was never one for such blatant public displays of emotion, but this felt inescapable, soft sobs escaped her mouth – but she continued "Believe you me, I trusted her – so, so much, with _every_ drop of blood in my body. Callie was –"her voice descended now, a glaring opposite to her cries, "my safety, she –", she threw her head into her palms, "Ohhh - uh – I can't do this anymore", her entire body was shaking, she _hated _Callie _so much_ for making her feel this way, _hated _her; ironically – Callie's was the touch she craved wildly for right _this_ very moment.

"Can't do _what_ Arizona?" Dr. Wyszynski's tone was softer now as she handed Arizona a box of tissues.

Dr. Wyszynski waited for Arizona's answer patiently; she saw her face go through the widest range of emotions, until she settled on one.

"Apparently I lost you." She slowly raised her head from her palms, more talking to herself than the doctor; she had an almost _defeated _air on her face.

"Excuse me?"

"That's what she said next – she said – she said it so confidently too, like she didn't even want to-"she smiled desolately with a self-deprecating chuckle, her speech slowed down comparatively. She stared at the wall for what seemed like a century, then she slowly shifted her teary gaze to the doctor; she swallowed, "She promised me.", but this time more unsure than before.

There was a painful silence in the room, Arizona tried to absorb all that had just happened, Dr. Wyszynski waited patiently for her mind to return.

"Okay, have you talked to her about that? About _why _she broke that promise? Have you talked about the plane crash and how _you _felt? How Callie felt? _Why _she made the decision to amputate?" Dr. Wyszynski asked as she jotted down a few things in her little notepad.

"No. Not since the storm." Arizona immeasurably sobered now. She dabbed at her tears with the tissues.

"Alright then, that's where you start. Your assignment is to _talk _to Callie, just talk. Bring this issue up; tell her about how much the violation of her promise hurt you, ask her why she did it." Dr. Wyszynski said in a trained way. "We'll discuss how that went in our next session, the hour is almost up anyways", she said looking at the clock on the wall.

"You don't know Callie. She's hurt and I – "she sniffled "– uh – she _won't_ talk to me. I can't talk if she starts – she –cries, if she does that, I can't –"Arizona said as she shook her head, neck bent down, her palm pressed against her forehead with her elbow resting on her thigh.

"Arizona, look at me – just try."

She lay in bed recalling her session with her psychiatrist the morning before; realizing how big of an F she'll be getting on that assignment – heck – an 'F-'even.

She had wanted to talk to Callie this morning, when she went to pick Sofia up; she tried to convince herself it was the lack of time which constricted her from bringing up the issue, but she knew in her heart that _that _was a big fat lie.

_Something_ about seeing Callie, the way her hair fell, the way her expressions painted her face, the way she couldn't hide that hurt and pain and sorrow she felt no matter how hard she tried, the way those lips moved, her absolute vulnerability – _that_ is what restrained her from bringing it up.

She pressed her fingers on her eye-lids… trying and failing to still the tears which threatened to fall out. She knew it, plain and simple, that she was _mad _at Callie. That Callie had shattered her trust, but something after her last session made her less _mad_; for the first time, she felt like _listening _to Callie's side of things. It was exhausting, because her brain and heart had never fought such an excruciating battle, and she couldn't even tell which one was saying _what_.

After the night of the storm, Callie and Arizona had barely spoken, it's as though Callie was numb. Arizona knew Callie was hurt, she had _slept _with another woman, _slept _with her, and she dreaded explaining that part in the conversation – because she couldn't even explain it to herself. Despite her fears of talking to Callie on the subject, she knew it had to be done – sooner or later.

Meanwhile, she turned to her side - she _had to_ smile as she saw her daughter lying beside her, lost in slumber, wrapped up in her fuzzy blanket with one hand clinging on to the slight curve of Arizona's stomach. She wiped away her tears and stroked her daughter's cheek lightly with her thumb; she couldn't help but marvel at how _much_ Sofia resembled Callie. With that thought caressing her mind, she closed her eyes and held Sofia close to her belly.

It had been storming that night; Sofia was scared of thunderstorms, which is why Arizona had let her sleep in her bed instead of the nursery; and whether she admitted it or not – Arizona needed it just as much as Sofia did.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"I would _totally _do Callie Torres!" Christina Yang said gulping her third – or ninth - shot of vodka.

"Me too, me too!" Meredith complied with a contrived serious tone.

Jackson exclaimed enthusiastically, "Yeah so your list Yang!" only slightly inebriated.

"Ok – fineeee – but if I'm doin' this, Mer's next and I wanna' hear from Evil Spawn too!" Christina grunted animatedly. "So Callie Torres, wait – no people at this table right?" she asked with a severely confused expression.

"No, Yang, now talk!" Alex impatiently pressured.

"Ok so Callie, Nurse Tia, sorry Mer but I'd totally go for Ex – Mrs. McDreamy too" to which Meredith shrugged her shoulders and threw back another shot of the Tequila, "Who knows? Maybe I would too!" she mumbled with a wedge of lemon in her mouth, eyes droopy.

"Next!" Alex said rudely tossing peanuts in the air, trying – and desperately failing to catch them in his mouth.

"Shut up jackass! I'm talking!" Christina slurred her words with death in her eyes, to which Meredith burst out in irrational laughter. "So Callie, Nurse Thhia, Mrs. – sorry, EX – Mrs. McDreamy – umm…. Arizona Robbins, even one legged hers totally cool with me! Then – "

"Me too, me too…" Meredith interrupted, sort of singing her sentences.

"Dude, how come no one mentioned that Lauren Boswell? She's _pretttty _hot" Jackson stated as he looked up to see his three friends trying to derive a painfully serious expression, except Meredith who couldn't really keep her head up with her neck alone anymore.

"Nahh – not my type" Meredith said – trying to recall how to form words.

"Too skinny", Alex grunted as he gestured Joe for another jug of beer.

"Too slutty", Christina echoed with a disgusted expression as subtle as a gun, and an overwhelming urge of being protective of her friend.

"Okay – that's _totally _biased cuz' of Torr –" Jackson started escalating his voice in a whiney tone when Christina glanced at the entrance of Joe's and interrupted him as though he was completely insignificant,

"Oh! Lookie whose here! Ex- Mrs. McDreamy and – "

"- and Ex – Mrs. Bambi!" Alex interjected spilling some beer from the corners of his mouth, to which Meredith started shaking in a ferocious seizure of laughter.

"You disgusting pig –"Christina viciously exclaimed, but in a sociable kind of way, because she couldn't help convulsing into an intoxicated bout of laughter either.

"Oh, oh Addie! It's only the four of _them_; c'mon we can still turn around." Callie said as she grabbed on to Addison's arm as they stepped over the threshold of Joe's and saw the big table in the corner already traumatized with peanuts and alcohol.

"No, no Callie we are so _not _doing that! Bailey called; Teddy _just_ scrubbed out of surgery, so Derek and Bailey are going to come with her, and they'll be here any minute, I'm sure the rest of the gang will follow." Addison said in a don't-mess-with-me kind of way as she tugged Callie's arm towards the table and shot Meredith Grey's goofy smile a view of her pearly whites.

"God! You are so controlling! Look at them! You really wanna' be there right now? It's not even 10 O' clock yet and they are totally wasted!" Callie said through gritted teeth and a fake smile as she was being escorted to the battlefield of a table.

"Look who's talking Callie! Don't think Mark didn't tell me about all the stuff you two did together _way _before ten O' clock" Addison said in her throaty voice raising her eyebrows seductively, oblivious to Callie's obvious change of expression at the mention of Mark.

Truth is, she longed for him now more than any other time. She spent days being pissed at the world for taking Mark away when she needed him the most. She missed him to death, just his presence sometimes was enough to pull her through a rough patch, he'd been by her side, through George O'Malley, Erica Hahn and – she was violently hit with a wave of sorrow as she realized Arizona came in the same list now; except this time, without Mark.

#

"To memories! And old friends!" Dr. Webber raised his glass of tonic water proposing a toast to Teddy Altman in his typical gentlemanly way.

"Hear, Hear!" everyone at the overcrowded table said almost in unison clinking their glasses together; then slowly started bifurcating to their own tables. Callie and Addison started making their way to their table when Teddy ducked under the tight mob of a crowd to reach to them and grabbed on to the sleeve of Callie's signature leather jacket pulling her back, "Callie!"

"Teddy! Oh my gosh!" she said pulling Teddy into the tightest hug, "I wanted to catch up so bad, but it's – haha – _pretty_ crazy in here tonight, so you know? I figured I'd call tomorrow."

"Yeah I know! I just – I missed you so much!" Teddy said with the widest grin completely consumed by nostalgia from the reunion with her old friend.

"I missed you too Teddy! We all do." She said with her _entire_ face smiling.

"Where is Arizona? I've been looking for her all night!" Teddy tried to speak over the excruciatingly loud crowd, and a particularly high – pitched April Kepner.

"Uh – oh, oh, she's with Sofia tonight, she – yeah" Callie's voice cracked.

"Oh, okay! Well tell her I've been calling her all night tonight and she didn't answer." Teddy said furrowing her eyebrows.

"Yeah… ya' know – Sofia, she, she's a little vampire – haha – and Arizona probably shut off her phone because Sofia _finally_ went to sleep, so she -", Callie tried to brush off another hypnotizing surge of sadness; she felt the suffocating lump form in her throat as she rambled on.

Callie knew this moment was coming, the dreadful _explanation and clarification _of her breakup_;_ she just hadn't had to deal with it yet because of the overly- enthusiastic rumor- mill in the hospital, and she honestly thought she was _prepared_. She didn't realize it would be the small things she'd miss so much; little stuff like people assuming she'd know where Arizona was, or what _they _were going to bring for a birthday party, or picking her up from work because she was exhausted from an extra – long surgery; it was like the whole world knew they were together, a thought which usually gave her an intense rush of joy, but today? – not today.

She painfully tried to hide the violent gush of emotions threatening to pour out of her eyes, which she clearly failed at because Teddy noticed the drastic change in the atmosphere, if Callie's face didn't reassure her suspicions, Addison's did.

"Callie, everything alright?" Teddy asked in a neutral tone as though not to pressure her.

"Yes, yeah – _totally_" Callie contrived a thick laughter as she brushed the back of her hands across her eyes, "Teddy – we, we'll catch up tomorrow okay? Try Arizona in the morning".

"Okay Callie, can't wait", Teddy smiled as Owen Hunt called her to the other side of the bar.

"You okay?" Addison tucked a lock of Callie's hair behind her ear as they turned around, resuming the walk to their booth.

"I am", she sighed as she pressed her knuckles to her forehead, "Actually, no I'm not, I – uh – what is up with me?! I was never _this _mushy – gushy person who started a sob fest every time someone mentions my Frickin' ex!" she said, mad at herself. Addison didn't answer, except she just patted Callie's back, trying to comfort her.

"Oh crap! She's here!" Addison looked up to the door, immediately straightening her spine.

"Wait, what? Who?" Callie asked, confused, barely recovering from her rant.

"Jennifer, the – the woman I told you about? Jennifer Lockhart."

"Oh my god! Way to warn me Addison, I – holy crap, she's hot", Callie interjected her own thoughts as she glanced up at the beautiful, tall brunette walking their way. She was towards the slim side, but the curve of her creamy breasts was painfully apparent to Callie. She had an angular, defined jawline, big, expressive light – brown eyes, her slight hips swayed sensually in her skin tight jeans as she made her way to their table. She wore a dark brown v –neck top which accentuated her deep eyes, and her wavy, dark -brown hair fell loose on her shoulders; Callie was right – Jennifer Lockhart was _hot._

"Hi, you must be Calliope Torres", she stuck her hand out; and if her smile didn't give it away, then her voice certainly exuded her jolting confidence.

"Hey, yeah – I'm _Callie,_ Torres" she shook her hand, clearly impressed by the attractive woman standing before her; it had been a _long _time since Callie went on a date, and her first time on a _blind _one, so her nervousness was sure to throw her.

"Hey Addison!" Jennifer hugged her.

"Hey Jen!" Addison responded with a kiss on her cheek as all three women sat down, "Oh shoot! I have a - a thing, I'll be right back! You guys – chat!" Addison exclaimed brushing off Callie's hand which grabbed Her's underneath the table, as she quickly disappeared into the crowd.

"So – hey" Callie said, trying desperately to break the awkwardness in the air.

"Ha – ha hey!" the woman said as she swiftly, in a quick motion drew her fingers to the corner of Callie's full lips and rubbed her thumb on the outline of her mouth, "Lip – gloss; smudges", she smiled seductively.

"Oh – uh –"Callie's hard skipped about a thousand beats, partly because of the anxiety; but mostly because of the spontaneously forward woman. She swallowed, trying hard to slow the rhythm of her heart.

"You seem nervous Dr. Torres", Jennifer raised her eyebrows and teased in an unwavering, soft tone.

"I – uh – I'm so sorry, its – it's been a while since I went on a date", immediately wincing at how she sounded, "Let's start over – I'm Callie Torres, I am an orthopedic surgeon at the Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital – the huge building across the street, and – I'm the mother of a two –year old little girl. And you?" she said with a new air of self-assurance.

"Hmm, impressive. I am Jennifer Lockhart, a Visiting Pediatric Surgeon at the Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital – it's - the huge building across the street" she said with a knowing smile, "Unfortunately, I can't correspond to the little girl part ha – ha".

"Visiting Pediatric surgeon?" Callie's heart stopped, she sipped on her white wine – enough to finish her entire glass,

"Hey, you ok?" Jennifer asked obviously sensing something was wrong.

"Yes – yeah I'm completely fine. I just meant, you're pretty impressive yourself" raising an eye-brow in the vintage Callie fashion; realizing how often she'd been asked that question in the past hour.

"So, what's your daughter's name?" she asked, resting her elbow on the table and propping her chin in her hand as she leaned closer to Callie.

"Sofia, her name is Sofia" Callie said proudly, just thinking of her daughter warmed her from the inside; she shot Jennifer a guarded smile, still not recovering from the ' Visiting Pediatric Surgeon' part, as she poured more wine into the two glasses sitting on the table.

"Okay, I'm gonna' skip this part now" Jennifer said in a whole new tone as she drank her wine.

"Umm…excuse me?" Callie was completely thrown.

"Are you playing hard-to-get? Because it seems like you are. Let me just –" she licked her lips and took a deep breath in, "I think you are excruciatingly beautiful, like serious I'll-let-you-borrow-my-favorite-lip-gloss beautiful, I was literally _shocked_ by you when Addison waved me to this table, and _trust me, _I do not get shocked easily. So let's skip all the HI's and Hellos." She said almost casually as she refreshed Callie's glass of wine.

Callie opened her mouth but couldn't go past staring at the unnerving woman, until she broke into a mesmerizing smile that spread generously over her smoldering features,

"Okay… I'd love that" Callie said as she tossed back her glass of wine, laughing, surprised at her sudden ease; she looked up at the door and her expression completely changed, those stinging tears, that hostile lump in her throat, that erratic heartbeat – they all returned with a _vengeance_ as she saw Lauren Boswell step into the bar.

"Oh my god – Jennifer, I – I'm going to – I'll be right back, I'm going to the Ladies Room", she choked back her tears; she couldn't breathe.

"Wait, Calliope, are you alright?" Jennifer asked worriedly almost breaking her uncommon cool as she grabbed Callie's hand.

"I – uh" Callie couldn't even find words anymore, _everything _came rushing back, Arizona's coffee cup saying 'Lauren', the _way _she smiled at her, Arizona's wedding ring on _her _scrub top; she pulled her hand away, "Please don't call me Calliope!" she almost whispered it in a painfully shaky voice, as she desperately tried to still those inevitable tears.

Jennifer stood there, shocked as she watched Callie enter the bathroom. She didn't know what it was, whether it was her vulnerability, or her smile, or if it was her _touch; _but she knew she had to have her.

Jennifer threw back a shot of liquid courage; and followed her into the bathroom.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"So… I won't ask what the matter is; I'm hoping you'll clarify?" Jennifer said in a forgiving tone, as though she didn't really expect an answer, walking into the Ladies Room to see an obviously jarred Callie wipe eye-liner off of the rim of her eyes leaning over the basin in front of the cracked bathroom mirror.

"You know what?" she licked her lips and took an animated breath in as she turned around to face Jennifer, "Run, like seriously, run cuz' I'm more than confident I look like a complete – a total lunatic and – and the real crazy, psycho kind. I – uh – hell I feel like one too." She chuckled with weary eyes, "So your best bet is to - to just get th – "Callie rambled on with a tear-stained face, her expressive features clearly unable to hide the cacophony of emotions in her head- until she was interrupted by Jennifer's mouth capturing her lips in a deep, sensual embrace.

"I don't wanna' run ", she whispered into Callie's mouth with a slight, impish smile. She moved closer, as though attracted by the heat of Callie's body; and enveloped Callie's leg between her own as she slid her hands underneath her leather jacket – fingers rapidly tracing the curve of Callie's stomach, spontaneously cupping her full, warm breasts, as she moaned into the kiss.

Callie stood motionless, _shocked _to the core by this woman – once again. Suddenly, a smile broke on her tanned face; she leaned back against the cool granite pulling Jennifer towards her body as she slipped her tongue into Jennifer's mouth, her hands making vertical patterns along her spine, eventually grabbing her hips passionately.

Callie had almost forgotten how _good _it felt to kiss someone, touch someone, to have sex with someone – _uncomplicated, emotionless, dirty _sex.

When her hands entered Jennifer's blouse and outlined her slender torso, Callie began to feel the euphoric effects of downing a bottle – or two – of alcohol. She was lightheaded, tipsy even – suddenly Lauren was the last of her concerns.

Callie leaned into the kiss, pushing Jennifer against the grimy bathroom wall as she tugged passionately on her hair, "mmm… this is fun." Callie stroked Jennifer's erect nipples over her thin top, "Clearly, you agree", she laughed into Jennifer's trembling moan.

Jennifer could _feel _her intensifying need to be inside of Callie, to feast her eyes on that naked, caramel skin; she felt as though her mouth was addicted to the soft, richness of Callie's carnal lips. Her hands grazed Callie's thighs over her jeans, and swiftly passed over her crotch, their bodies were pressed tightly against each other; her fingers desperately _longed _to feel that wetness inside of Callie, the _wetness_ she could feel spreading between her own thighs with every brush against Callie's skin,

"Hey" she breathed in, "- not so nervous now huh? Dr. Callie Torres" she barely whispered, with a mischievous smirk she managed to fit in between fanatical kisses.

_"Hey"_

_ "Hey"_

_ "Ortho right?_

_ "Right, hi."_

_ "I'm Arizona Robbins – Peds. Surgery. I've seen you at the hospital – uh -are you okay?"_

_ "You know I'm fine – fine I'm –"_

_ "People talk; where we work, they talk – a lot… so for the sake of being honest I – I – I think I should tell you that – I know things about you; because people talk."_

_ "Oh – you mean -? Terrific."_

_ "It is! Actually…the talk – people really like you over there, they respect you, and they're concerned, and interested, they really like you. Some of them reeeeeaally like you. You just – you look upset, and– and I thought that you should know, the talk is good! And when you're not upset – when you're over being upset… there'll be people lining up for you."_

_ "Wanna' give me some names?" she asked rhetorically with a self – deprecating laugh._

_ Arizona took a step forward, glided her hand across Callie's face and gently pressed her soft, pink lips against Callie's; her heart stood still. _

_ "I think you'll know", that Super Magic Smile._

Callie's eyes flashed open.

"Fuck – stop", she said pulling Jennifer off of her as her plastered mind wrestled with painful memories – sadly, unsuccessful.

"Mmm…what?" Jennifer stepped back shakily, still recovering from her tongue journey across Callie's lips; for once, _stunned._

"Wh – what I mean is –"she licked her lips, looked into Jennifer's eyes as she held her arms in a loose hold catching her breath; and slipped into an inebriated, seductive smile raising an eyebrow, "let's do this someplace else, my apartment, it - its right down the street…so…" she whispered in her husky voice; which alone was enough to push Jennifer over the edge right there and then.

* * *

"Hey Tim, how are you feeling today?" Arizona Robbins walked into his room with his chart, and the biggest smile she could muster up.

"Heya' Dr. Robbins! I feel _awesome_! Plus I only threw up once last night!" the 9 – year old beamed as his parents stood up to greet Arizona as she entered the room.

"Mhmm… Dr. Karev was going on and on about that. So I gotta' say Tim – that is indeed _pretty _darn _awesome." _Arizona smiled and nodded at Tim's parents as she put her stethoscope to his chest, her smile unwavering. Tim's face brightened up at his favorite Doctor's compliment.

"So, Dr. Robbins, whose this?" he said pointing to the attractive brunette who followed Arizona in. "Timmy! We don't point" His mother quickly whispered in a maternal disciplinary tone.

"This –"she glanced at the woman and smiled, "– is Dr. Lockhart. She is a _very_ special doctor who is here to help me with your case." Arizona turned her attention to Jennifer as she narrated Tim's chart to her,

"This is Tim Adamson, he is a _very_ brave 9 – year old" to which Jennifer returned the boy's sunny grin "-and about 8 years ago, he presented with Short Bowel Syndrome. We have had him on 50 mille grams of Loperamide Hydrochloride and antibiotics consistently with wavering doses as per needed since then. He has had 6 surgeries to remove parts of his small intestine which… was working fine until about a week ago when he presented with severe projectile vomiting, diarrhea, dehydration and an underlying bacterial infection" Arizona stated pragmatically; to which Jennifer's expression hardened. Tim's mother couldn't help but cringe at the mention of her only son's phone-book of a painful medical history as her husband tightened his lips and held her close.

"So… we have Tim scheduled for an intestinal transplant tomorrow night at 9 P.M." Arizona took a deep breath in as she raised her eyebrows and smiled at Tim, with sparkling blue eyes, as she added, "Plus, Dr. Lockhart, did I mention Tim is super, _super awesome?_"

"No I don't think you did Dr. Robbins, but I can totally see he is. Hey Tim!" she said with a cheery face as she pounded her fist with an enthusiastic Tim's; she couldn't help but be completely impressed by Arizona's overwhelming joy and that addictive glow she exuded while dealing with her patients. She had only _heard_ of Dr. Arizona Robbins – one of the best Pediatric Surgeons in the country, but now she knew why.

"Hi Dr. Lockhart! It's super cool that you're working with Dr. Robbins. I love her, not just cuz' she's really, really pretty- but her Dad was in the army and I wanna' be in the army too when I grow up." The boisterous boy said with an innocent grin as his mother playfully glared at him and the room erupted with laughter.

"Okay Tim," Arizona blushed "I'm gonna' go check on some other patients ok? Meanwhile – you can watch some TV" she lowered her voice animatedly, "a little birdie told me the new Spiderman movie is coming on today." She said as she fluffed Tim's hair with her signature smile and motioned his parents out of the room while Tim ardently flicked through the TV channels.

"Hey Jean, Max." Arizona greeted with a soft smile.

"Arizona, s – so… how is he doing?" his mother said trying to mask her worry with a smile.

"His potassium levels and platelet count have increased significantly in the last two nights, so, for now, it's safe to say that his surgery should go on schedule," she smiled as she tucked a lock of blond hair behind her ear, "But – of course, we have to monitor him closely - because his body _has_ been through so much at such a young age."

"Oh – oh, so, what does that mean? Does it – uh –what are his chances?" his father said with glistening eyes.

Sensing the worry on his face,  
Arizona immediately switched into her _most_ comforting air, "Of course we won't know anything until it actually happens, there are never any certainties" she licked her lips and matched his gaze, "But trust me Max, children - they are resilient; they always surprise you. I mean, just look at Tim already! We thought he wouldn't even make it past the age of 5 and he's still kickin' it at 9. Plus" she smiled professionally directing her attention to Jennifer and back, "The fact that you have one of _the _best Pediatric Surgeons who specializes in your son's condition _on_ his case is just the icing on the cake." Jennifer responded with a subtle nod. "He just needs you to be strong now," Arizona shifted her gaze at Tim's mother, "Alright?"

"Thanks Arizona, "she sniffled, "I – uh – just thank you." Arizona regarded her with a compassionate look, as she began walking down the corridor with Jennifer.

Tim was an energetic little blond with exuberant green eyes and a smile that could lighten anyone's mood. He loved action figures and battleships; it didn't take a genius to figure out Arizona was deeply _attached _to the little guy. Even when Callie and Arizona had just started dating, Tim had always influenced Arizona's mood and Callie had understood – she even found it charming to see Arizona care so deeply for a patient; until she realized it was because she related him to her brother so much. Arizona persistently tried to deny it, but in her heart, she knew; that vitality, that smile, that innocence – he reminded her _so _painfully of her beloved brother she missed so, _so _much; the fact that they shared the same name didn't really help the issue. Callie had repeatedly tried to warn Arizona of forming such emotional bonds with her patient, but after a few heated arguments which ended in nothing but tears, Callie decided not to press the issue – she just held Arizona's hand every time Tim had to go through a difficult surgery.

* * *

"So, Dr. Lockhart, how do you like our surgical program?" Arizona asked with a perceptive smile.

"I am _beyond _impressed. The surgical program back at Cleveland Clinic is pretty amazing too, in terms of the cutting edge technology and the Skills Labs; but I must admit, you have some _very _promising residents and Attendings" she raised her eyebrows, "Plus, don't think I didn't notice your rigorous focus on teaching; and many, or _most _hospitals ignore that." Her eyes widened as she added, "How could I forget! Your NICU! It was – wow!" she couldn't help but beam.

"That's very generous of you Dr. Lockhart, thank you" Arizona said in a professional tone with a slight smile; they settled in a conference room as she handed Jennifer the plans for Tim's surgery. "So, how do you like Seattle so far?" Arizona tried to get better acquainted with the woman.

"It's – Uhgg –"she smiled guiltily – "wet ha-ha-ha!"

"I know – I know; it's okay! It's actually exactly what I thought when I first came here, but then you get used to it I guess. Plus – you don't even have to stay here that long!" Arizona responded, showing her dimples.

"That is true, I don't. I just got here yesterday too so –"she trailed off, until she hesitantly picked up her sentence," but – just between you and me – "she looked around with a sheepish grin and lowered her voice, "I met _the _most amazing woman last night!"

"Oh – uh – "Arizona was completely caught off guard, and she didn't do a very good job at hiding it.

There was a hideously awkward silence.

"I've made you uncomfortable, I – uh – I'm so sorry! That was _not _my intention, but I just - I _had _to tell someone!" she said, wincing at Arizona's expression.

"Oh – oh my gosh, no, no! I was just surprised that's all!" Arizona shook her head trying to hide her astonishment. "So, by all means – continue" She gestured for Jennifer to proceed.

"Are – are you sure?" Jennifer asked tentatively.

"Yes – yeah of course." Arizona smiled encouragingly; refreshed by the woman's candidness.

"Okay – so… I met her at that bar across the street, umm… Joe's? I think. My – my friend introduced her to me… and it was a blind date so _naturally _I expected it to suck, but- wow! She was gorgeous and - and – do- don't even get me started on the way she looked. Although she was a little umm…" she searched for the right words, "distracted, or down or something initially – but _later _she was just uh- "she laughed apprehensively, as she distantly nodded her head.

"Ha-ha-ha! Well she must be pretty amazing; you seem all shiny and happy just talking about her!" Arizona said with a bright smile.

The two women quickly slipped into high school-mode.

"– and the sex! Oh. My. Gawwd! I won't lie – she was _totally _sloshed by then, but it was- like, mind-blowing!" Jennifer went on.

"Okay – that's – ha-ha! " Arizona didn't know how to answer. Sex was a subject which Arizona was never too candid about, not to impugn her skills in the field – but she just was shy when it came to _talking_ about the subject in public.

"In fact, she – she said she works in this hospital! You probably know her, Ca –" Jennifer's rapid pace of talking was disturbed by the sharp beeping of Arizona's pager.

"Oh shoot, its – it's the Day Care. I have to go check on Sofia – umm… my daughter. But we are _so _continuing this conversation!" Arizona hurriedly got up and shot a suggestive smile at Jennifer.

"Sofia huh?" Jennifer racked her brain as she narrowed her eyes, "that – isn't Callie Torres's daughter's name Sofia too?"

Arizona stopped dead in her tracks.

"Y-you – yes it is – that's her daught– yup. You know Callie? Torres?" she furrowed her eyebrows; her voice cracked at the mention of Callie from the mouth of a practical stranger.

"Yeah!" she said with a wide grin, "the amazing woman I met last night – Callie Torres, Ortho." Jennifer said even more ecstatically.

"Ha-ha-ha… What?" Arizona said with a surprisingly dispassionate giggle, she hadn't heard her right; she _couldn't _have.

"Wh- what do you mean?" Jennifer looked confused.

Arizona felt her heartbeat quicken dramatically as she glanced at Jennifer's expression,

"Callie… Callie – like Ca- Calliope Torres?" her pitch theatrically descended into a painful whisper; she knew the answer that was coming… but she couldn't seem to shut her mind off - please don't say it, please don't say it, please – then it hit her like a ton of bricks,

"Yeah – but… Arizona? Are you alright?" Jennifer anxiously began to get up off of her chair as she saw an obviously jolted Arizona begin to dissolve.

Everything moved in slow motion, she felt her heartbeat fasten and slow; pace and stop at the same time. Her fingers trembled as the floor rapidly seemed to slip from beneath her feet. The florescent lights seemed to histrionically dull as she felt her mouth go dry; Callie, Callie, _her _Callie?

"Dr. Robbins?" she fortified her tone as she began to walk towards an unresponsive Arizona.

"Yes? Yeah… uh – I – I really have to answer this – the page, s- so if you'll excuse me-" Arizona barely snapped out of her trance with an _almost_ convincing smile which unfortunately didn't coincide with her agonizingly shaky voice, as she began to step out of the room; she _had _to get out of there.

Arizona didn't hear what Jennifer said after that.

She started walking down the corridor, heading in no particular direction; for a moment, she felt unimaginably tranquil, serene – almost cold; but as her mind involuntarily and repeatedly replayed her conversation with Jennifer like a broken record she felt her stomach turn again, she could feel the violent pounding of her heart against her rib cage, the noise and ruckus in the corridor all seemed to blend into a hypnotizing hum, her head was going to explode,

_"– and the sex! Oh. My. Gawwd!"_

Bitter, hot fluid rushed up to her mouth; she was going to be sick. She instinctively covered her mouth with both hands and sped into the nearest bathroom as she collapsed in front of a toilet, hands clutching the seat; she barely felt the sharp sting in her left leg as she retched. She folded her arms tightly across her stomach as she rocked back and forth surrendering to the scorching tears now clouding her vision as soft sobs escaped her mouth; her head spun violently as she shut her eyes tightly and attempted to wipe her unrelenting cries.

How? _How _could Callie do this? How could she _sleep _with someone? What did this mean? Was she – was she _done_? Was this _it_ for Callie; was her relationship with Arizona over?

No, no it couldn't be- could it?

Callie was coming to pick Sofia up tomorrow morning – dammit.

Arizona _retched _again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"Hey, hey, hey sweetheart, what happened?" Callie dashed into the daycare as she scooped a severely jolted Sofia into her arms and gave her a tight squeeze. Sofia nuzzled her face into Callie's neck as she tried to wrap her arms along the length of Callie's chest; but her sobbing only grew louder, "Sorry I was late sweetie, but Mommy was busy…"

Callie rubbed Sofia's back soothingly; she knew it was probably just a bad dream but seeing her daughter cry broke her heart. "Shh… shh… sweetie, you're okay. You wanna' tell mommy what happened?" Callie asked Sofia with an exaggerated confused expression as she pouted her lips animatedly and lowered her gaze to meet Sofia's.

Sofia tried to answer but her voice was lost in all those teary hiccups as she rubbed her eyes with one tiny fist as the other hand clung on to Callie's shoulder.

"C'mon hon… was it a bad dream?" Callie said softly, raising her eyebrows.

Sofia nodded yes.

"You wanna' tell mommy what the monster did this time?" Callie lowered her voice childishly.

"Mama weave' me!" and with that Sofia began another bout of even louder cries.

Callie's expression briskly flicked into a somber one,

"What? Ha-ha no honey… Mama didn't – she didn't leave!" she exhaled a contrived laugh as she stroked Sofia's hair; she knitted her eyebrows and looked to the woman standing beside them, she was one of the day-care attendants.

"Um… Michelle, what happened?" Callie asked her _obviously_ trying – and failing – to lighten her tone.

"I'm sorry Dr. Torres; it was nap time and she had a bad dream so – well so she started crying, I tried to calm her down –" she looked at Sofia with a sympathetic look, "- but she just kept crying, so I paged you… I – uh" she hesitantly trailed off as Sofia's cries grew louder.

"Okay, that's okay – "she shifted her attention to Sofia "- right? Because you're super strong, you don't cry – no… Crying is for _losers_!" Callie furrowed her eyebrows as she feigned a comical bad-ass expression at Sofia, but Sofia's sobs persisted on.

"Why she weaved me!?" Sofia screamed; Michelle pretended not to hear the conversation.

"Honey – I'm tellin' you, she didn't leave you! Mama – sh- she -" Callie tried to swallow through the lump which formed in her throat, "-she loves you so much! She's right here! She – she's downstairs and – c'mon Sof… it was just a dream baby" Callie bobbed Sofia on her right hip; a strange surge of anger and guilt shuddering her mind. "Umm… Michelle, is Dr. Robbins in surgery?" Callie asked sensing this was more serious than she anticipated as Sofia continued crying.

"No, she isn't" Michelle said in a soft, neutral tone.

"Then – umm… could you page her please?" she said as she tightened her lips, "Here that Sof? Mama's gonna' be right here." She whispered to Sofia as she kissed her forehead.

"I did, Dr. Torres – a couple of times, she didn't answer."

"What?" her voice hardened, this was not like Arizona; Callie felt her anger mold into worry and conclude with livid. "Page her again" she said, letting her features do all the talking.

"Of course Doctor." Michelle hurried to the phone on the wall when she saw a rattled Arizona surge into the room; her blond hair looked wind-blown and wavier than usual, her eyes were red rimmed and she looked pale as she tried to exercise her breathing, slowing down her walk towards Sofia and a _very _upset Callie; Michelle wondered how she _still _managed that smile.

Arizona tried to muster up as much composure as she could, walking towards her daughter in a room full of little kids; only a few who hadn't been woken up by Sofia's loud sobs.

Arizona was _not _ready to face Callie; she could physically _hear _herself screaming inside her head. She had gotten off of the bathroom floor and run up to the daycare, managing to choke the tears that violently stung her eyes, and the nausea that made her want to curl up on the floor as soon as her pager's incessant beeping snapped her back into reality. She blocked all those emotions which were wildly spilling out; a task she knew all too well.

"Ah! Look at that Sofia! Mama's here!" Callie faked her biggest smile as she rubbed her cheek against Sofia's urging her to look up; slightly relieved.

"Hey baby! What happened?" All of Arizona's sensations were now topped off by the concern she felt when she saw her crying daughter, she could tell this was serious off of Callie's expression.

Sofia's head darted up when she heard Arizona's voice. Her lips turned into a pout and tears streamed violently down her soft cheeks as she stuck her little arms out towards her Mama. Arizona chose not to address Callie, it wasn't as if she'd planned it, but she knew there was _no _way in hell she could even handle looking at her right now, forget talking to her; Callie on the other hand couldn't take her eyes off of a _very _sick looking Arizona; once again the exhaustingly contradicting emotions of rage and compassion, of sadness and a sheer need to hold Arizona overcame Callie.

Arizona picked Sofia up from Callie's arms and held her close to her chest; Sofia and Callie were the two people Arizona could _bodily _not stand crying.

"What's the matter Sofia? Honey, what happened?" Arizona tried to meet Sofia's tear-stained gaze as her crying daughter wrapped her arms around Arizona's neck.

Callie knew what Sofia was about to say would cut through Arizona's heart the same way it had cut through her's; at this moment, she kinda' wished it would.

"Why you weave' me?!" Sofia managed to get out between her now weary sobs.

Arizona was stunned, her heart constricted at what she heard as she desperately tried to find _some _words; this day was getting more and more stressful,

"Uh – I – Sofia… " she took a shaky breath in and licked her lips as she scrunched her nose, a look Callie knew all too well was the look Arizona had every time she tried to still her tears, "Baby, I – I didn't leave you." She managed to complete her sentence as she entered a slightly higher pitched, soft tone – another sign she was about to dissolve into tears. She held Sofia tighter as a wave of guilt hit her.

"Don't eva' weave'! Pwomise!" Sofia said as she clung on to Arizona and rested her head on her breast.

Callie felt her heart stop.

_"__Don't ever leave."_

_"__What?"_

_"__Don't… ever leave. Promise me that right now."_

_"__I'm not going anywhere, I promise._"

Those tears which had been clouding her eyes for _so _long now poured down Arizona's face as her chin quivered, "Promise." She sniffled as her voice shook and she rubbed Sofia's back, Sofia rested her head on Arizona's shoulder, "I promise baby."

Callie sat in the corner of the room as she pretended not to watch Arizona carry Sofia in her arms occasionally wiping tears off of her own face.

Arizona walked the length of the room with Sofia, in silence, until Sofia's cries slowly sobered down into quiet whimpers and eventually her eyes closed as her hands stayed clung around Arizona's neck. Arizona felt her irregular breathing and realized Sofia was asleep, and as much as she hated to leave Sofia again, she had to get to her next surgery; she had a couple of hours, and it _was_ just an Appy. But she knew she had to gather herself before even thinking about walking into an OR. She gently placed Sofia in her crib; she tucked her in her pink blanket – fuzzy side up, as she kissed her softly on the cheek and began walking towards the door, oblivious to Callie's presence.

* * *

Arizona could feel an excruciating headache come on. She _needed _to lie down; she could feel herself slowly losing control, like _that _night. She tried replaying her discussion with Dr. Wyszynski,

"Whenever you feel like you are losing control, take a break. Sit down in a quiet room, close your eyes, think of your problems step-by-step; and most importantly – breathe."

"Arizona?" Callie jogged up to her just as she stepped out of the day care, slightly surprised at her lack of acknowledgement.

"Hey Callie – I really uh – can't" Arizona definitely couldn't handle this right now, she felt the throbbing in her head match the intensity of her leg as she closed her eyes and rubbed her temple.

"Arizona… I just – where were you?" Callie asked in a softer voice than she intended, inspecting her worriedly.

"I was in surgery, and I have another one now, s- so I have to go." Arizona began walking towards the elevator breaking eye-contact with Callie; she did not feel good.

"No you weren't…" Callie said knitting her eyebrows, she began to feel her anger return.

"Fine, Callie – I have to go." Arizona's voice entirely reformed; it was harsh and cold now, the change almost physically cut through Callie's skin.

Arizona could feel the stress building up in the back of her head, her neck succumbed to the pain now and she heard her heart pounding louder. She started walking faster, opting to go down the stairs instead; she _had _to lie down.

"Arizona wh – wait!" Callie paced after her; her concern dampening her anger. "What is wrong with you? Are- are you -" Callie caught up to her on the flight of stairs, she was _truly_ anxious now, it's as though Arizona was slipping away once again, her warm sapphire eyes seemed like hollow, dead dungeons. She continued walking without even twitching to Callie's question.

"Arizona!? Stop!" Callie panicked, she'd never seen Arizona like this; she didn't know this woman.

"WHAT!? WHAT do you want to know Callie!? Why don't you ask Jennifer!?" Arizona's trembling voice radically escalated and echoed through the stark staircase as she flung around to face Callie – it _flew_ out of her mouth before she even knew it.

Callie almost recoiled in shock.

"What did you say?" Callie narrowed her eyes, as Arizona's rage melted into a sad helplessness.

"Oh… Callie I –"Arizona moaned as she started crying, she tried to breathe slower but she couldn't, "- just leave." She turned around and almost began running down the stairs.

"NO! No, you _do not _get todo this to me! Stop and look at me!" Callie's nostrils flared with rage as she followed Arizona down the stairs. All she could hear in the empty hallway were Arizona's sobs and attempts to breathe.

"LEAVE Callie!" she opened the door at the end of the staircase and paced out, trying to slow her feet – but they didn't listen. Her lips quivered, her entire body felt like it was shaking- she was losing control. She felt her heart beat wildly as she found an On-Call room and slammed the door close behind her. She didn't even know if she was laughing or crying anymore, everything felt surreal and unnatural. She felt lonely and sad and furious all at the same time – _furious _about her leg, about Callie, about that _damn _plane crash, about Jennifer, about Lauren… about herself.

Arizona sat on the bottom bunk, in the dark; she pulled her knees close to her chest and wrapped her arms around them as she buried her face in her lap. She swayed back and forth as she finally let out her loud sobs, her emotions beckoning to be released, trying desperately to _breathe_. Her head shot up in surprise as she heard the door fling open,

"Arizona – go to hell!" Callie walked in panting, her voice cracked.

"I'm sorry Callie! I'm so, so sorry about _everything_!" Arizona cried louder now, her entire body started shaking and she pressed her palm against her face – Arizona didn't recognize her own voice anymore, it was like somebody else was speaking.

"NO! Uhgg – don't – do NOT do that, don't apologize! You _cheated _on me! Do you understand that Arizona!?" Callie said in a breathy voice as she felt her heartbeat escalate.

"I'm sorry Callie, I'm sorry…" Arizona chanted the same words over and over between desperate sobs.

"I slept with someone _because_ of YOU!" Callie's voice heightened dramatically.

"Callie… Please…" Arizona cried in a whitewashed tone.

"I broke your promise!? You wanna' hear something funny Arizona? You broke your _fucking _promise too! Your promise to be loyal to me! To _not _sleep with someone else! To forgive me!" A year of pent up anger and resentment spewed out of her mouth, tears were making tracks down her face as her voice broke and she gasped for air between her sobs, but she couldn't stop, not _now, _" I loved you Arizona! And I have loved –"she took a deep breath in as she widened her teary eyes, she licked her lips "- I have loved _so_ many people Arizona, so many, but I _loved _you, like I loved nobody – ever." She buried her face in her hands standing in the dark room.

Arizona's heart dropped at the word 'love-d'.

"I _slept _with someone because I can't _stand_ to cry all night anymore! And you _do not _get to make me feel guilty about that!" Callie cried as she wiped her face.

"I – I'm not!" Arizona's voice shook erratically.

"But you are! You look at me with those eyes and it makes me _sick _that I slept with someone! It makes me wanna' scream and yell and apologize to YOU!" Callie trembled, "Which- which we both know is twisted right!? Because we are not together!"

"Callie…" Arizona moaned; those words made her want to kill herself, she knew they weren't together, but for some reason hearing it from Callie's mouth was intolerable, "Please stop…"

"Wh- why? Why Arizona?" Callie's voice slowed down as she hiccupped for air, "Why did you do it?"

"I don't know Callie." Arizona rested her forehead in her hands as she tried to still the burning tears still threatening to fall.

"Stop saying that!" Callie yelled with a quivering voice, "Please…" her voice descended theatrically, she pleaded.

"Oh! Callie you don't understand! You _don't _frickin' get it! It wasn't about you!" Arizona impulsively got off of the bed as she stood in front of Callie, face-to-face.

"What!? How can you even SAY that?" Callie felt herself losing her temper rapidly.

"I was not _me _Callie! I don't have wheelies and butterfly scrub caps anymore! I haven't been ME since that plane crash! And YOU. DON'T. GET THAT! "Arizona raised her voice shakily.

"You never _told _me Arizona! I – I - I don't know what happened there! I don't know what happened for those four days in the woods, I didn't _hear _the animals, I didn't see Meredith crying, or – or Mark dying for Lexie!" Fresh tears rolled down her face at the mention of Mark.

"And yet you _acted _like you knew!" Arizona's hands were compressed into fists as she leaned from the waist towards Callie.

"Because it _felt _like it Arizona!" her rage re-igniting. "It felt like I was a part of it! And I did _lose _Mark! I lost my best friend and I - I lost you!" Callie screamed as she collapsed in a pile of tears. "I didn't wanna' take away your street cred. Or your warrior wou –"

"Ohhh… Callie that's not what I meant!" Arizona cried as she felt a pang of guilt. "I just meant y- you didn't understand that I was _changing_, I changed! Every day I woke up scared that you'd run, that you'd leave when you realized I wasn't Arizona Robbins anymore! That the way my head worked scared me to hell! It made me wanna' run… from me!" Her anger liquefied into defeat.

Callie looked up with a pained expression and a tear-stained face,

"Why didn't you talk to me?" she lowered her voice wearily.

"Because Mark died Callie! He _died_ and - and you needed me! Sofia _needed _me!" She trembled with a mix of anger and adrenaline.

"I pretended to be me for _so _long, sometimes it even felt real! But it was s- so stressful Callie… to _constantly _be in control, to not cry, or frown or _breathe _without thinking. But with Lauren –"Arizona closed her eyes and took a deep breath in, then another one, Callie looked up at the mention of Lauren, "- it didn't matter."

"Wh- what?" Callie whispered hesitantly, afraid to meet Arizona's gaze.

"It didn't matter if she _ran_ or if she thought I was cra- crazy… She thought I was hot – that's all that mattered" Arizona chuckled painfully with tired eyes, "I – Callie… I would _die _before I ever intentionally hurt you, I didn't want– Lauren was – she – it was easy… I could… I could breathe. I didn't even realize- it didn't hit me until it happened – she didn't make me _feel_ anything but" she winced and new tears formed at the memory, "But you –"she stopped.

"What…" Callie's voice shook.

"-If you had left… I can't even - I'm so- "Arizona lowered her voice to a tired whisper; she dropped her neck wearily, "-I'm not me".

Callie wanted to reach down to the lower bunk and hold Arizona, she wanted her to stop crying, she wanted her to see that even if Arizona was not herself Callie would have held her – because she loved her, so much.

"Arizona, wh – I can't trust you. Because you don't know, you don't know… _anything_. You don't know if you are _you_ and-" she licked her lips, "- you don't even know if – I can't trust you because I _know_, that even for a second- if I let myself- I'll do it. I'll trust you and you'll break it again, you'll break _me_ again be- because you don't know – anything." Callie said in a heavy voice as she tried to choke back more tears.

The room fell silent now.

Callie continued, "So I'm going to continue seeing Jennifer, because I can't do this anymore. I-"a soft whimper escaped from her mouth, she sniffled, "-I'm sad _all _the time and- and I miss you _all _the time." She pressed her knuckles to her eyes.

Arizona felt her heart run and slow and halt at Callie's voice. She wanted to stop her, and hold her hand, and pull her against herself, she wanted to tell Callie that she _couldn't _live without her, she wanted so badly to melt into Callie's warm touch and lie in her arms; instead she watched her walk out the room.

What does this mean? She _didn't know._


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"Oh my god! Hey!" Jennifer was happily surprised to walk into the East Wing On-Call Room to find a _very _tired Callie lying on the bottom bunk; her eyes were open and her arms were folded across her stomach.

"H- Hi! What are – umm… hi!" Callie was startled at the energy the woman exuded even at 2 AM in the morning.

"You on call tonight?" Jennifer said with a slight smile as she sat down next to Callie and tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear.

"Yup… Unfortunately; and there are no bones to break yet so – haha – I'm just waiting." Callie tried to lighten her voice. Her heated conversation with Arizona just a few hours ago had _completely _drained her on both levels – physical and emotional. Her head wouldn't _shut up_; not even the Diazepam could help her tonight, so she just succumbed to the black hole of her thoughts. "Plus I have to pick Sofia up tomorrow so –"she trailed off as the anxiety of having to see Arizona again hit her.

"Are you alright Callie? You seem a little – eh" she said in a soft voice scrunching her nose.

"Yeah… yeah… just _super_ tired." She said with a weary smile. Callie knew she would have to talk to Jennifer about Arizona eventually; but she _just_ couldn't bring herself to do it right now. She almost laughed at herself saying 'super', she was the one who made fun of how _silly _that word was – but after she met Arizona, she couldn't get over _how _cute she sounded saying it. "Never mind that; how are you still here?"

"Oh… Tim Adamson, a 9 year old Short Bowel patient – he's getting an intestinal transplant tomorrow and his Crohn's Disease only makes the procedure all the more complicated, so I'm just staying the night to make sure his Potassium and Sodium levels stay constant." Jennifer stated matter-of-factly.

"Holy crap, Tim!?" Callie almost sat up, "Ho- how is he? Like why is he back? Weren't the meds. working fine?" she knitted her eyebrows and widened her brown eyes worriedly.

"Umm… no. A part of his bowel is necrotic, and he has a slight infection, so… "Jennifer narrowed her eyes with a confused snicker, "You know him?"

"Yeah I do… he's a really sweet boy. He's gonna' be okay right?" Callie was just as concerned about Tim as she was about Arizona; she knew this couldn't be easy for her; she used to be _beyond _frazzled _every _time Tim had a surgery and nothing could calm her down but eating doughnuts lying on the couch with her head on Callie's lap – anyways, that wasn't _her_ problem anymore.

"Hmm… yeah. Callie?" Jennifer lowered her voice as she maintained steady eye-contact with Callie as though to retain her fullest attention.

"Yeah?" Callie could tell Jennifer wanted to say something.

"Do you know Dr. Arizona Robbins, Peds. Surgery?" she asked; although she subconsciously already knew the answer.

"Ye- yes I do. Why?" Callie did _not _expect this question, this is _exactly _what she wanted to avoid right now; although she was just as surprised Jennifer hadn't been given a detailed timeline of the 'Callie & Arizona' relationship from the hospital's dynamic rumor mill already.

"Were you two a thing or something? Or – are you? A thing…" Jennifer swallowed – almost nervously.

"Yes. We _were_." Callie said in an astonishingly neutral tone. She almost felt like laughing at how all their memories - right from pizza to doughnuts to matching necklaces, from Africa to their wedding to the plane crash – all of their love and pain and loss and heartache could be summarized so easily into '_A Thing'._

"Oh okay. So you're not anymore?" Jennifer felt a surge of relief.

"No – we're not." Callie almost whispered.

"Umm… and Sofia? Look Callie, I – I know this is none of my business but I just" she took a deep breath in as she broke eye-contact, "- I get that last night we both were drunk – like _drunk _drunk, but it – I liked it – I like you." She cleared her throat as she rambled on, "- and I just - I want to know if it meant – I uhh– I want to know you. So –"she knitted her eyebrows, "I guess what I'm asking is… do you wanna' know me too? Or-or at least for the two weeks that I'm in Seattle for?" she chuckled shakily.

Callie just stared at Jennifer, she was painfully surprised by the trace of vulnerability she heard in Jennifer's otherwise buoyant voice; she broke into a warm smile and squeezed Jennifer's hand,

"I wanna' know you too…"

Jennifer couldn't help but beam; she bent over and pressed her lips against Callie's,

"You have no idea how happy that makes me… "She sobered, "But Callie…"

"Yeah?" Callie asked, recovering from Jennifer's passionate kiss.

"I need – I have to know about Arizona Robbins, I mean - a little at least. Beca- Cause' I'm working with her, _very _closely for the next few days and – and I –"she took a deep breath in and smiled sheepishly, "- I already – I kinda' told her sex with you was amazing and –" she noticed Callie cringe at what she said, "- and well let's just say the fact that it was _not _okay was – it was not lost on me. She –" Jennifer trailed off.

"She what?" Callie asked in a hollow voice.

"She seemed… upset." Jennifer licked her lips awkwardly.

"Oh – when – umm… when was this?" Callie tried to keep a casual air in her voice.

"Today. I don't know – umm… at like 8 or 9 or something…" she taxed to examine Callie's illegible face.

That was around the time she got paged to the day care; Arizona looked _sick _– crap… that irrational wave of guilt hit Callie again,

"Oh…"

"Callie…?" Jennifer searched her face.

"Yeah?"

"I'm taking it – you two were serious..."

Callie burst out in a bout of exasperated laughter,

"Yeah… You could say that! Ha-ha!"

Jennifer couldn't help but flinch.

Callie covered her mouth with both hands and her face turned about ten shades of red as it settled on the most embarrassing one,

"Oh. My. God." Callie covered her face as the realization hit her, "I'm so sorry… if I didn't prove my crazy last night then I definitely did right now!" Callie hissed through gritted teeth.

"No! No! Ha-ha! It's okay… I like your crazy…" she said, gently pulling Callie's hands off her face as she brushed her lips with her own and smiled that suggestive smile; Callie couldn't help but be refreshed by the woman's positivity.

Callie sat up as she placed her hand on Jennifer's face and returned her kiss with a longer, more reminiscent one, which – had Jennifer not been sitting – would have definitely knocked her off her feet; Callie broke the kiss with a look which made Jennifer want to take her right there and then.

"Jennifer?" Callie smiled evocatively.

"Mhmm?" still savoring the taste of Callie on her lips.

"Do you wanna' go on a date with me tonight?" Callie raised her eyebrows.

"_Do_ I?" Jennifer whispered into Callie's mouth, slightly, but pleasantly, astounded.

"I'll take that as a yes…" Callie narrowed her eyes playfully.

"Good guess Doctor…" Jennifer smirked.

"And – "Callie sobered, "We can talk about Arizona… if you want, tonight."

"Okay Callie" Jennifer smiled sensitively until her expression completely flipped and she dropped her face into her palms, "Shit! We can't! Not tonight! I have the Short Bowel kid!"

"Tim…" Callie corrected her with an air of defensiveness but quickly snapped out of it, "Hey, hey, that's okay… we can push it by a couple of hours! The transplant won't take more than 4 hours max. and – and we can totally have dinner afterwards." Callie said holding a disappointed Jennifer's hands.

"Except the surgery is scheduled for 9 P.M. so… we might as well be having breakfast" Jennifer said with a tired look.

"Then let's - we can do it the day after…?" Callie suggested.

"Yeah… I guess." Jennifer said in a thwarted tone.

"C'mon! Cheer up!" Callie put on her biggest smile, "Dinner will be worth waiting for… trust me" Callie winked seductively.

"In that case…" Jennifer kissed Callie lightly on her lips as her hands stole up Callie's stomach and pressed her breasts.

"Ah… "Callie backed up animatedly as she raised her hands and pursed her lips, "Not until you do extra good on Tim, he – he's very important to me" Callie sobered as she put her hands over Jennifer's and gently placed them on her thighs.

"Oh damn… that's mean. I've been staring at your boobs all night!" Jennifer made an exaggerated angry face as she broke into a smile.

"I noticed" Callie sneered teasingly.

"And the second that I touch your–" Jennifer was interrupted by the loud beeping of Callie's pager.

"Ooh yay! Trauma!" Callie jumped off the bunk like a two year old as Jennifer watched her with lasting arousal.

"That's nice Callie…" Jennifer retorted sarcastically.

"I know!" Callie quipped with a big grin as she ran out the door.

#

* * *

When it rains, it pours. Whoever said that wasn't kidding.

Callie had entered the ER at 2:30 in the morning for a simple Tib/Fib repair and since then, she'd been in and out of surgery all morning – not that she was complaining; _bones- _breaking or making them, always got her mind off of her personal life and God knows she needed that today.

She was scrubbing out of surgery on a 23 year old involved in a Man Vs. Truck accident when Christina Yang walked into the scrub room,

"Hi Callie" she said with a knowing smile.

"Hey… Christina… what? Spit it out." Callie narrowed her eyes suspiciously on Christina as she scrubbed between her pinky and ring finger.

"Nothing! Just wondering… "Christina sang it as she picked up a sponge and bobbed teasingly on her heels.

"What?" Callie annunciated her 't'.

"How was it with McNewHottie? The McNasty? Ha-ha!" Christina raised her eyebrows impishly.

"Shut up!" Callie looked around frantically and lowered her voice, "How do you _know _about that!?" she whispered as she amplified her eyes.

"Relax Callie! You two running out of the bathroom at Joe's holding hands wasn't really a big secret!" She broke into a classic Christina grin.

"Oh fuck!" Callie dropped her sponge.

"It's good! It means you're moving on from Ex-Roller-skate Girl!" Christina borderlined on a more serious expression.

"I – I don't know if I am." Callie let out a tired sigh, "How are you? With Owen I mean… are - are _you_ moving on?" she asked cautiously; more asking for advice than for information.

"I don't know." Christina said in a deliberate cold voice with an unreadable face as she slid on her surgical mask, "Anyways, I want details later!" she jested as she turned and walked away through the automatic doors into the OR.

Callie couldn't help but be completely revitalized by Christina Yang; that was one woman who could make her smile and frown at the same time; she turned around and glanced at the clock.

"Oh crap!" she whispered under her breath as she slammed the door behind her and sprinted to Attending's Lounge; she pulled out her phone and dialed Arizona's number –she didn't answer.

Callie was supposed to pick Sofia up at 11 O' Clock and it was 1:30 already, her last surgery had lasted longer than she expected, she had to call Arizona to tell her she'd be late. She dialed her number again, and then again; and once more, thoughts of last night flooded her mind and her heart began to race wildly as she thought of all the _worst _possible reasons Arizona wasn't answering.

"Callie!? Did you hear me?"

"Huh? What?" Callie turned around to see an exceptionally annoyed Dr. Bailey standing behind her.

"My god woman! You look like you saw a ghost!" Bailey said in the Bailey-way as she pulled off the stethoscope from around her neck.

"What!? No… I just – I'm calling Arizona and she's not answering." Callie said in an apprehensive voice as she subconsciously bobbed up and down nervously on the balls of her feet; she redialed her number.

"Callie… Arizona's downstairs." Bailey said with a confused expression.

"Wh- what the hell do you mean she's downstairs?! She – she's not even on-call!" Callie's head darted up from her phone.

"She's with Tim Adamson – umm… apparently something came up. I –"Bailey petered out as she saw Callie speed out the room.

#

* * *

Callie hurriedly walked to the Pediatric floor where she saw Arizona talking to Tim's parents in what seemed like an awfully serious conversation.

Arizona wore her hair in a messy bun, with a few wavy, blond locks of hair lying on her forehead. She was wearing a light pink shade of lip color which somehow emphasized the blue-ness of her eyes. She gently swayed a few locks of hair off her face as she smiled her _most _warm smile at Tim's parents – even from here Callie could see Arizona was trying _really _hard to keep it together. Callie didn't realize she couldn't take her eyes off of Arizona until she turned around and locked her eyes with Callie's, slightly surprised.

Callie winced with embarrassment; if Arizona noticed, she didn't let on,

"Arizona I tried calling you because I was in surgery all morning – but – umm… you didn't answer, so I was – well, Bailey told me you were here so…" Callie awkwardly ended her rant as she approached Arizona.

"Yeah… I got paged a couple of hours ago and – I called the babysitter umm… Claudia for Sofia." Arizona said in a soft voice with an unwavering gaze and the slightest smile she could muster up.

"Oh…" Neither woman could be oblivious to the giant elephant in the room – last night.

"Unibrow" Arizona couldn't help but smile as she read the vexed expression on Callie's face.

"I knew that" Callie said in a contrived defensive tone.

"Okay" Arizona sobered as she turned around to walk away when Callie stopped her,

"Arizona… is – how's Tim?" Callie asked tentatively.

"He – he's okay now. His Potassium increased up to almost 8 and so – he's started on a Zero K Bath now… his surgery got postponed." Arizona hesitantly met Callie's brown eyes. Talking about Tim was so unbearably painful, especially with Callie because she had been the only one for the past several years who could soothe Arizona's nerves every time Tim had problems.

"He'll be fine – Arizona." Callie said with her most heartening air as she resisted the urge to hold Arizona close and protect her from all this worry; especially when she looked so extremely tired.

"Mhmm…" Arizona faked a smile and walked away.

#

* * *

"You look wow – just – I can't even… no words"

Jennifer's eyes sparkled as she saw Callie walk out of the hospital in a sheer black, body-hugging sleeveless dress. Its deep cut V-neck did not shy away from Callie's ample cleavage as the material generously embraced every curve on Callie's body. Her dark brown hair was down as it flowed off of her shoulder; not that any of that was even essential for her to look _breathtakingly stunning_ after the way her big, brown eyes glittered and the full richness of her red lips just beckoned for contact – she looked – no words.

Her tanned, shapely legs glistened in the dark as she pulled on her black coat and walked towards a stunning Jennifer waiting in the Parking Lot. Jennifer's bold red cocktail dress accentuated her long legs as her curly brown hair made her waist look even smaller than it was. Her skin glowed in the dark.

"You look beautiful Jennifer." Callie returned the compliment with her biggest smile.

"You ready for dinner?" Jennifer suggestively raised her eyebrows as she walked with Callie to her car.

"I'm starving! I've been in surgery almost the entire afternoon, so – I can't wait! Callie said with a chuckle.

Since Tim's surgery had gotten postponed to the next night, Jennifer had suggested they go to dinner tonight instead. Callie hadn't felt right about going when Arizona would be home worried sick; but Addison had convinced her to at least _try _and move on and she knew it was true. Anyways, she had to go and pick Sofia up after dinner, so she could check on Arizona then.

#

* * *

"That had to be the _best _lobster like – _ever_" Jennifer beamed at Callie as they drove back from the restaurant.

"What did I tell you?" Callie smirked.

"Callie…" Jennifer said with a vulnerable smile.

"Yeah?" Callie said as she stopped the car.

"I really, _really_, like you…" with that Jennifer pressed her lips against Callie's and slipped her tongue into her mouth as she ran her fingers through Callie's thick hair.

Callie readily welcomed the kiss, eagerly brushing her thumbs across Jennifer's nipples through the red silk as she gently pressed her breast which elicited a soft moan from Jennifer's mouth,

"I like you too Jennifer – it's been a while since I had fun with someone" Callie said with a soft smile.

"You sure you won't come upstairs?" Jennifer said as Callie broke the kiss; her hands still lingering on Jennifer's torso.

"You don't know how much I'd love to… but I have to go pick Sofia up now so – but definitely some other time." Callie said as she unlocked the door.

"Okay – that's my cue!" Jennifer said with a smile as she stepped out the car door, "I'll call you or – see you at work tomorrow. Goodnight." Jennifer started walking towards her door as she waved Callie goodbye.

"Goodnight Jennifer." Callie smiled as she turned the key in the ignition.

As she watched Callie drive away, Jennifer could help but think – she really liked Callie Torres, like really _really_ liked her.

#

* * *

Callie stepped out of her car getting the car-seat ready for Sofia as she walked toward her old apartment building, or rather Arizona's apartment building now.

The usual butterflies about seeing Arizona returned, she tried to focus on how great her date with Jennifer was and how she was _finally _moving on, but that nagging feeling in the back of her head kept emerging as she walked up the stairs in her black high-heels. She couldn't help her heart constrict at seeing Mark's old apartment opposite to her's as she reached the floor, all his memories came flooding into her mind and she had to take a minute before she rang the doorbell to Apartment 502.

The pace of her heart increased even further as she thought about seeing Arizona - that soft blond hair, those eyes, that smile; the door opened.

"Callie." Arizona had an incomprehensible expression on her face with an underlying blend of shock and nervousness.

"Arizona… you okay?" Callie softened her tone as she stepped in and saw Arizona's presence.

"Callie I –"

Callie didn't hear the rest of the sentence as she looked up and literally felt her entire body go numb – standing there, next to the slate-colored couch was Lauren Boswell.

Callie consciously _felt _herself stop breathing.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"I came to pick Sofia up." Callie wondered how she still managed to use her voice.

"Callie this isn't what – "Arizona's voice trembled as Callie's seemingly impervious expression violently cut through her heart.

"Where-" she inhaled, "is Sofia" Callie a little louder than whispered as she paced through the living room into the nursery.

Callie didn't really feel anything anymore; her senses were frozen. She felt like she was gliding around aimlessly. She didn't – _couldn't _look at Lauren.

Lauren clearly looked uncomfortable; she pretended to not notice the sudden harrowing tension surge into the room.

Arizona followed Callie in desperate attempts to calm her down, to stop her and explain the situation to her. Despite Callie's apparent dazed, emotionless façade, Arizona _knew _her heart was ripping apart inside; she _did not _want Callie to go through this again. She felt that unbearable pain in the back of her head return as Callie almost uninterestedly began collecting a still asleep Sofia's things.

The nursery was dark if you don't count the pink nightlight Sofia loved so much. She was lying wrapped in her fuzzy blanket inside her wooden crib; Callie almost robotically picked up Sofia's bags, Arizona barely stepped over the threshold of the nursery door when Callie scooped Sofia up. Sofia was a _very _deep sleeper just like her Mommy; she barely twitched as Callie held her, except wrapping her little arms around Callie's neck. Callie looked oblivious to Arizona's presence as she walked briskly toward the door.

"Callie… please just listen to me" Arizona pleaded wearily in a _very _soft voice as though to not wake Sofia. She stood in front of Callie – practically blocking her way.

"Move." Callie said under her breath as she looked _behind _Arizona, to guarantee an avoidance of any, and all eye-contact. Callie tried to escape Arizona as she moved to the side but Arizona shadowed her.

"Callie… please" Arizona's chin quivered and her voice shook as her eyes filled with water. She felt – _helpless_. For the first time - it felt like _Callie_ was slipping away, like she was _leaving _her; Callie had never been this way, she had been angry, and upset and furious and sad but _never _had Arizona known Calliope Torres to be – _indifferent; _and it cut through her soul like a cold blade. She knew she wanted to do everything in her power to stop Callie and just _talk _to her, just explain to her what was happening, but the sheer exhaustion of her mind didn't allow her mouth to comply with her feelings.

"Callie…" Arizona was now crying; that was all she could muster up - trying to talk to Callie right now felt like hitting her head against a brick wall.

Callie did _not_ know what she was feeling except the agonizing pounding in her chest; she desperately tried to ignore Arizona's heartbreaking implorations. It was too much; she physically couldn't take it anymore. The _thought – just the thought _that Lauren Boswell, the woman her wife slept with was in _their _home, the home in which they made love, where they raised their daughter, where they built a life – a life which burned down like an old house, the _thought _alone was enough to make her stomach turn. Right now, it didn't matter _what_ Arizona had to say, it was as though her brain's capacity of _thinking _had been immobilized. She couldn't feel herself standing anymore.

"Callie… puh – please, just – just look at me! Just please listen to me. She came here to – it was just, she was just talking, she ju-." Arizona's burning tears made tracks down her face as soft sobs absconded from her mouth seeing absolutely no change in Callie's demeanor. She wanted to grab Callie by the arms and shake her because her head wouldn't form words anymore, "If you wait an-".

Callie couldn't stop images of her wife _smiling _at, _flirting _withand _touching _Lauren Boswell from flashing in her head, she felt bitter liquid gush up her throat; she covered her mouth with one hand as she closed her eyes to steady herself,

"Arizona – if I don't get out of this apartment _right _now, I'm going to throw up, so please –"Callie said in a consistently condensed, hoarse voice which quivered beyond her control, as she painfully met Arizona's teary gaze, "– move."

Arizona stopped talking; Callie's brown eyes were enough to speak manifolds – she kissed Sofia lightly on the head and stepped aside.

Callie mechanically walked out of the apartment, if she was aware of Lauren's presence – she didn't show it.

#

* * *

Arizona stood motionless next to the nursery as her shoulders shook with sobs her mind didn't even comprehend anymore. Lauren watched Arizona with compassion as she slowly approached her,

"I'm sorry – bad timing I guess?" she said in a soft, hesitant tone.

"Lauren please- just-" she hiccupped for air, "- just leave."

Lauren was a little taken aback at Arizona's unfounded crying; of course she was devastated about Callie, but Arizona looked – _stranded._

"Okay, I'm- I feel horrible – I'm truly sorry, about everything." Lauren hoped her words would console Arizona, her being _so _distraught made Lauren feel uneasy, almost - _guilty_.

"Don't –"she sniffled, "- you shouldn't apologize to me I –"Arizona broke eye contact, "- nobody should." She said in a soft, out of this world voice; more speaking to herself than anybody else.

"Arizona" she lowered her voice, "I'm sure if you talk to Callie – I mean this was just a misunderstanding, just tell her why I was here and…" she trailed off as she saw Arizona's mind drifting off.

"Are- are you going to be okay?" Lauren said in a concerned quality as she opened the front door – now she was _definitely _worried.

"Mhm…" Arizona sobered, "I'll be fine." She almost said with a smile as she sniffled and wiped her tears away to meet her stare with Lauren's.

"Okay…" Lauren didn't believe her. Something about Arizona being _so _vulnerable almost attracted her towards Arizona, she wanted to hug her and to stroke her hair, she wanted her to stop being so sad - but she decided against it as she stepped out and closed the door behind her.

#

"Mommy, I sweep with you?" Sofia asked in her innocent voice as she crawled up into Callie's bed and snuck her way under the comforter.

"Hmm… why baby?" Callie opened her wet eyes to look at Sofia. Arizona had always been lenient when it came to Sofia sleeping in their bed; Callie, on the other hand, preferred tough love.

"Its wrainy and scaawy!" Sofia squealed pointing to the window.

"Okay sweetie, but just for tonight, alright?" Callie said; quickly wiping her eyes.

"O.K." Sofia whispered as she snuggled next to Callie's warm body and wrapped her arm around Callie's stomach.

Callie couldn't help but think of Arizona at a time like this; Arizona was just as scared of thunderstorms as Sofia was, she always nestled in Callie's arms under their big blanket and Callie could feel her heart pace every time the thunder sounded. She teased Arizona incessantly about it, but in actuality, she _loved _protecting her adorablewife. But tonight – tonight the thought alone made her want to _die_.

"Mommy…" Sofia broke the silence.

"Hmm?"

"You sick today?" Sofia asked in a cherubically concerned voice.

"Wh- what, why?" Callie opened her eyes in surprise as she stroked the little girl's face.

"I heard you. You thow up…" Sofia said trying to pronounce her r's.

"Oh… that, I just – I didn't eat my vegetables honey, that's what happens when you don't - dont–"she started babbling in a contrived blissful voice not realizing she was weeping until she saw her tears drop on the bed sheet.

"Mommy!" Sofia got up, thoroughly worried; she tried to wipe away Callie's tears with her tiny hands.

"I'm- I – I'm sorry baby, I just – I don't feel so good" Callie gasped for air; she couldn't _stop _crying, "Go back to sleep hon – I'll be fine - come here." Callie wiped her face as she gestured for Sofia to lie down beside her.

"What hurrrts Mommy?" Sofia whispered as she lay back down next to Callie.

"Nothing – Sof, I'm –"Callie trailed off between her sobs as she desperately tried to regain _some _control over her withering composure. She didn't want to break down in front of her daughter.

Sofia climbed over Callie and lay behind her as she attempted to rub circles on Callie's back with her little hands.

"What –"Callie gasped, "- what are you – where did you learn to do that Sofia?" astonished was an understatement to what Callie felt as she slowly turned around to face Sofia.

"Mama! When you sick, she does this…" Sofia said in a matter-of-fact kinda' way.

"Yes- yes she does." Callie nodded as she stared at Sofia in a dumbfounded way, "I'm good now baby, I'm good now – just – just sleep." She picked Sofia up and lay her down beside herself.

"You miss Mama? That's why you cwy?" Sofia closed her eyes and burrowed her head into Callie's stomach as a response to the cold.

Callie felt fresh tears form in her eyes, but somehow she kept it together,

"Yeah honey… I miss Mama." Callie sighed jadedly as she closed her eyes.

#

* * *

"Huh!? Naked!?" Addison's eyes were as big as they could get.

"What!? No – no Addison! Not naked, just – she was just _there_." Callie said knitting her eyebrows agitatedly as she opened her strawberry yogurt.

"Oh! Oh, oh, oh my Gosh! What the hell was she doing there!?" Addison said in a breathy voice trying to absorb everything as she opened her bag of chips.

"I – I don't know… I just can't believe Arizona would call her with Sofia _right_ in the next room." Callie felt her anger return as she played with her yogurt.

"Well how do you–"Addison was interrupted by Teddy racing into the bustling cafeteria in her dark blue scrubs.

"Callie!" Teddy panted as she reached their table.

"Teddy you –"Callie looked up, "what's up? You okay?" she asked, confused.

"Yup yeah – yeah, yeah I'm great!" she beamed, "Just – have you seen Arizona?"

Callie rolled her eyes breaking eye-contact and sighed,

"Uhh – no, I haven't." she said in a muffled voice as she swallowed a spoonful of yogurt.

"Oh… alright, I was just hoping to catch her before she scrubs into Tim – Tim Adamson's transplant, she – well – we all know what he means to her and –" her smile wore off when she saw the baffling shock spread across Callie's face, "- hey you okay?" she said worriedly, as she shifted her gaze to an equally confused Addison's.

Callie felt a bolt of unexpected grief shoot through her mind inducing her to jump off her chair. Callie had _completely _forgotten that Tim Adamson's surgery was tonight. She _knew _that despite everything with Arizona she would _need _to provide Arizona with some moral support; if not a hug or a kiss like she would have a few months ago – then at least a good luck; but last night had changed things.

"I – I have to – go check on a patient." Callie started walking away mindlessly, totally oblivious to the questioning glares from her two now- very- vexed friends.

#

* * *

"Heya' Tim!" Arizona walked into Tim's room with Jennifer and her biggest smile; no matter what intense pain she felt inside, Arizona had always been _very _good at covering it with her smile – _too_ good in fact.

"Hey Dr. Robbins! What's up?!" Tim suddenly brightened up as he saw his favorite doctor of all time enter his room.

"Well, not much Tim –"she said in a contrived adult tone, "- you look _super_ today, by the way! You must be feeling better…" she raised her eyebrows with her smile as she read Tim's chart.

"You look _super _too… like _super _beautiful – like always!" Tim said with a cheeky grin as his mother playfully smacked his head; to which Arizona couldn't help but chuckle.

Jennifer, for reasons she did not know, found that the comment made her uncomfortable.

"Well that's very nice of you Tim –"Arizona smiled with her dimples all out, "- how do you feel today?" she sobered as she listened to his chest.

"I feel – I'm – hungry!" he settled on the word with a pout as he folded his hands animatedly across his chest.

"Oh well little man – you have surgery soon, so you can't eat anything right now. But afterwards, I'll get you whatever you want…" Jennifer interjected as she approached his bed.

Things between Jennifer and Arizona had _definitely _not been as warm as the first time they met. They didn't deter from case-related matters anymore, there was a certain aloofness, as though they both knew what was happening but neither one could afford to admit it; it was a relationship of purely contrived smiles and avoidance of eye-contact.

"Well pizza obviously! Pepperoni – extra cheese!" Tim beamed; his mind intoxicatingly consumed by thoughts of – _pizza_.

"Oooh… yumm!" Jennifer said with a childish grin as she went over his charts; Arizona's smile was unwavering regardless of her collapsing emotional strength.

"So Tim – you ready to kick some _major _butt in surgery today?" Arizona said as she stepped toward him in the most cheery voice she could force.

"Heck yeah'!" his smile widened and his eyes twinkled as he raised his hand enthusiastically in anticipation of a high-five, which Arizona gladly fulfilled.

Jennifer couldn't help but think,

_"Damn, it's hard to hate this woman."_

"Well good, cuz' Helen – who I might add is _the _awesome-est nurse _ever - _is going to prep you for surgery now okay? So I'll see you when they roll you in!" Arizona said in her _best _doctor voice – but she knew in her heart Tim was _so _much more than a patient to her.

Tim exuberantly switched his gaze to the plump Pediatric Nurse and waved 'hi', then back to Arizona,

"O.K. Dr. Robbins, see you in there! You're awesome! I love you!" Tim said with his innocent beam as he jumped into Arizona's arms and gave her a tight hug.

Arizona was _completely _caught off-guard. Her encounter with Callie last night had left her emotionally bruised and she found it absurd when she felt tears roll down her face as Tim clung on to her. She wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes when she realized his touch felt _so _excruciatingly similar to her dead brother's. Her mind raced,

_She had to save him. She needed to save him._

#

* * *

Callie walked through the corridor – still unsure of where exactly she wanted to end up as her mind vied with thoughts of Arizona, anger, hurt, sadness – last night.

"Callie."

Callie snapped out of her trance as she turned around to face the voice; she felt her pulse escalate and her blood run cold; she didn't respond. As much as she wanted to disappear from there, her feet didn't seem to listen.

It had been 3 months since Lauren had consistently been switching back and forth from Seattle Pres. and SGH, but _not once _had Callie had the chance, or wish, or opportunity to come face-to-face with her – until now.

Through all the scenarios in her mind, Callie had expected to feel inexplicable _rage _at seeing the woman; _fury _at her being responsible of shattering her marriage, her life – she _knew _she wouldn't be able to resist _breaking _Lauren Boswell's face if she ever saw her… for taking Arizona away. But right now, as she stood in the blatant hallway, face-to-face with Lauren Boswell – she felt _sad_, unimaginably _sad_.

"I have nothing to say to you." Callie whispered in a voice which didn't even sound like her own; her eyes desperately searched for a place to focus on other than the blonde's face as she slowly turned on her heel and began to resume her aimless wander – her feet felt heavy and light at the same time.

"Callie, hold on-" Lauren said in a willing voice as she raced ahead of Callie and blocked her way, "- I just have to tell you one thing and –" she attempted to proceed but Callie interrupted her,

"Get. Out. Of. My. Way." Callie said in a condensed, hoarse voice as she felt heat surge up all throughout her body, surprising herself.

Lauren almost recoiled at the throbbing sting in Callie's voice, but she managed to hold her own,

"Arizona, she –"Lauren began with a new resolve, intercepted yet again,

"Do _not _talk to me - about her." Callie's voice trembled, a sick mixture of rage and pain.

"Arizona did not call me over yesterday – she had no idea I was coming –"she licked her lips as she inspected Callie's expression.

Callie had convinced herself she wouldn't care, she wouldn't care whatever the _hell _Arizona was doing with Lauren last night; and as much as she despised and loathed Lauren Boswell, for some reason, hearing those words from her mouth made Callie's heart flip with a surge of relief.

Callie's face must have changed because something made Lauren continue,

"I went there to –"she hesitated, albeit confidently.

"What." Callie found herself asking, somehow more a statement than a question.

"- I went there to apologize." Lauren broke eye contact.

"What?" this time a question, a vexed, tangled, bitter question.

"To apologize… I feel – I know you have every right to hate me… Callie –"Lauren met her gaze, "- I feel sorry for what happened to Arizona because of – because –"she couldn't bring herself to say it when she saw Callie's lips quivering.

Callie felt like – _laughing - _at the sheer ridiculousness of this woman's words - apologize? But she also felt like disintegrating into tears. Her body compromised; hot, stinging water pricked her eyes as she broke into a wounded giggle,

"I – "she inhaled, "I find it amusing that you _actually _think apologizing is gonna' -!" she said with a ridiculing chuckle, "That is _rich_." Callie felt her tongue burn with the hatred that her words dripped of. There were _so, so many _things Callie wanted to say in this _very _moment – to Lauren Boswell - but her mind seemed blank.

"Lauren you –"Callie choked yet again; she wanted to slap herself for her brain spazzing out on her _right now_. She needed to get away from Lauren; she needed to _think_ – about what? She didn't know.

The two women stood _accost_ each other in the empty corridor; Callie's lack of words was balanced out by the intensity of emotions that her eyes histrionically revealed, she broke her stare from an _almost_ remorseful-but-proud Lauren as she started walking away; this time – Lauren didn't stop her.

Callie went as fast as her feet carried her, the pace inadvertently increasing – a stark parallel to the speed of her mind,

_"Callie… please just listen to me"_

_"Move."_

_"Arizona did not call me over yesterday – she had no idea I was coming –"_

Before she knew it, Callie was racing to the O.R. schedule, she _had _to at least stand in the gallery to watch Arizona perform on Tim – she _just _had to.

"Callie? Did you not hear me?"

"Huh?" Callie impatiently turned around to see a confused Derek Shepherd, "Derek I'm kind of in a hurry…" she barely mumbled.

"I understand, I just had to tell you – Meredith picked Zola and Sofia up from the Day Care – she asked me to tell you…" he continued in a soft voice.

_What the hell was he talking about?_

"What?" she shook her head in utter misperception.

"The sleepover? Remember I –"

"Right yeah – sorry – ok…" Callie interrupted hurriedly as she was about to turn around; she _needed _to get to Tim's surgery.

"By the way…" he continued, Callie couldn't help but clench her jaw out of frustration,

"– I know it's a silly question - but how is Robbins holding up?" Derek's tone softened – if that was even possible.

"What?" the question barely registered in Callie's brain; but _something_ made her stop dead in her track.

"Well –"he had chaotic sympathy on his face - which made Callie's throat close, "- I heard Tim Adamson coded on the table."

_What?_


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Callie Torres had a plan.

She was going to go over to Jennifer's hotel room, get _very _drunk, and have _lots _of sex.

So, she stepped out of the bright, bustling hospital and treaded into the dark coldness of the Seattle winter. The startlingly low temperature with the surprising lack of moisture in the air hit her with a pang as she paced down the glistening streets. She pulled her black, cashmere coat tighter across her front as she tried to shield her body from the violently frigid wind; not that it did _anything _to soothe the maddening storm inside her head. She _had _to get her mind off of it - off of Tim Adamson, off of Arizona.

The roads were awfully dark and the usual mob of a crowd had dwindled as Callie entered her car. She started driving towards the Archfield; she remembered Jennifer mentioning she had a room there, two – o – something… damn, she couldn't remember, never mind she'd just call her when she got there. Callie hadn't had _any _time to process her conversation with Lauren earlier; it took place not too long ago, but after her little meeting with Derek, it felt like it was hours ago, _days _even.

_"__I heard Tim Adamson coded on the table."_

The comment rung in her head over and over. She subconsciously clenched her fingers across the steering wheel every time her mind reiterated that sentence like a frickin' broken record. Yes, she _definitely, _really needed to see Jennifer, maybe finish what they started last night? With that thought, her foot pressed harder on the gas.

She entered the warmly lit lobby and for some reason her heart escalated it's pace of pumping blood, not that anyone could witness that judging by her white palms, damn those butterflies in her stomach. She tried to slow down her breathing, didn't work – neither did the movement of her feet as they ran up the staircase, she was panting by the time she reached the door, she checked the shiny number written across it at least a hundred times before knocking.

No answer.

She knocked again, her open palm banging the door harder, god she _had _to see her – no answer,

"Arizona? It's me – open up!"

Yes, Callie Torres was _very _good at making plans – following them through? That's a different story.

The fact that Arizona wasn't answering did absolutely nothing to soothe the rib-shattering pounding in Callie's chest.

"Please, Arizona… I know what happe – just open the damn door!" Callie's trembling voice must have risen out of panic because Old Mrs. Hennessey from next door peaked out with a disgruntled look; Callie didn't care.

She banged harder on the door. She had started out gentle and empathetic, but now she was beginning to get worried – _seriously._

"Okay, you know what? I still have the key to this apartment – don't forget that! I'm coming in Arizona…"

No answer.

Callie didn't know what force of nature had made her turn the wheel the other way and head toward her old apartment. She had convinced herself Arizona and her were _over_; she needed to get over the loss of her patient _by herself_. Callie would go to Jennifer's place and take her mind off of things, that's what was best… apparently the stupid car didn't agree.

Callie turned the key; the door opened.

#

* * *

The apartment was dark and cold. It was almost impossible to believe this was the home they had once shared – filled with laughter, memories, love and magic, when Callie had thought Arizona is where she belonged, to have her in her arms is what was _right_, where she had walked through the door a thousand times to be greeted with that smile and that scent, and she thought someone would have to rip this woman out of her dead hands to take her away, all in this house – which was now just a cold, empty edifice.

"Arizona?" Callie's voice was barely audible as she was trying to take in her surroundings; she hadn't noticed it so much the other day, wonder why?

Her heartbeat was louder than anything else in that room.

Callie was positive Arizona would be here. When she asked Derek where she was, he said she left an hour ago, right after Tim coded – died. Where else would she go? Arizona wasn't one to share her emotions and drown her sorrows at Joe's, no - that was Callie.

"Arizona, please… where are you?" Callie's voice was a little nasal but hoarse; like when she was about to cry. She continued walking, no lights. There was no sign of life anywhere.

Callie saw the bedroom door was ajar, she could feel her jugular about to explode as she slowly pushed the door open, to say her stomach was in knots would be a gross understatement.

"Arizona?" she wasn't sure if she mouthed the words, or said them when she entered the bedroom and almost recoiled at the figure sitting on the bed. The curtains were drawn, so the lack of luminescence was _especially _imminent in the bedroom. If it wasn't for the faint flitting light of the cars passing on the street, she wouldn't even have seen her silhouette.

Callie froze for a moment; she was – scared? She tried to swallow through that giant lump in her throat as she stepped forward, her movements apparently undetected by the woman on the bed. Callie took a deep breath in, trying to convince herself it was courage she inhaled, as she stepped forward and flicked on the switch.

Arizona sat at the edge of the bed, staring at – the wall? Her hair was down, and wavier than usual. Callie was shocked, to say the least, when she saw Arizona's blue scrubs still on her body. She hoped the little gasp which left her mouth when she saw the blotches of blood all over her scrub top went unnoticed. Callie had been prepared for a crying, sobbing Arizona – but this? Her vacuous face staring into empty space, no tears, no emotion – no, she certainly was _not_ prepared for _this_.

"Arizona… please look at me" Callie said in a passive, pleading tone – worried into submission at an unresponsive Arizona when she found herself sitting on the bed beside her; she didn't quiet remember how she got there.

Callie's brown eyes widened as they desperately searched Arizona's face for some fluttering emotion – _something_.

"Sweetie… just please look at me…" Callie said in a breathy, unsteady voice. Whoa, 'sweetie'? Where the hell did that come from? Never mind, she wouldn't think about it right now. Callie had _never _seen Arizona this way.

"Arizona!" Callie raised her voice dramatically, surprising even herself at the way it painfully shattered through the abnormal silence in the room – still, nothing. Callie couldn't take it anymore, her mind was a strange mixture of anger and fear; she had to calm down, if not for herself then for Arizona.

Callie knew this was probably a dangerously bold move, but she couldn't handle looking at an Arizona who wasn't really her, she leaned forward and wrapped one of her arms around the length of Arizona's back all the way to her shoulder as she pulled her close, while the other hand touched the soft skin on her face and gently turned it to face her own; she felt Arizona's muscles tense at her touch, but then ease. She didn't know why, but Callie badly needed to feel her closeness right now. Callie looked into her blue eyes, they seemed darker somehow. Callie looked into Arizona's eyes with _every _bit of heart she could muster; she _needed _Arizona to _respond_ in some way.

"Arizona, I'm here" Callie breathed out the sentence as best she could, her vision was foggy with tears but she didn't miss the small flicker of emotion on her face. Callie's voice seemed to trigger something in Arizona; it looked like she woke up from a dream – or a stupor. Callie felt Arizona tilt her head towards Callie's hand, as she closed her eyes and took a shaky breath in responding to Callie's touch.

Oh it felt so good to be touched by Callie again, to be this close to her, to be _held _by her. Arizona couldn't seem to recall when Callie walked into the room, or when she herself had walked into the room – but she suddenly felt glad to have her here, to not be alone.

"Callie…" Arizona slightly knitted her eyebrows in a blend of confusion and sadness as she softly repeated Callie's name.

"Hey… Arizona? Ar- are you okay?" Callie couldn't help but thank every God she knew when Arizona answered, what was this? It was almost like she was in a trance, Callie was worried, but the worry quickly morphed into protectiveness as she saw the vulnerability across Arizona's face when she tightened her grip around Callie's waist, as though to make sure she was really there – then she let go, Callie almost missed the warmth of Arizona's body against hers as she backed away.

"Callie – wh- why – umm… what are you doing here?" Arizona had muddle written all over her face.

Callie was slightly surprised, had Arizona not noticed Callie yell at her?

"I – uh… I wanted to check on you Arizona" Callie said in an almost defensive tone.

"Tim – Callie –"Arizona swallowed, "- he died Callie" she finished in such an innocent voice Callie almost wanted to grab her and kiss her and hold her just to make her feel protected.

"I know" was all she could say as she tried to read Arizona's face.

"Callie I – uh –" Arizona reached for her hand, then pulled back, "- his duodenum, it wouldn't stop bleeding and then his - but I tried, I tried to clamp it but it just wouldn't hold– his proximal ileum, it – it exploded" she looked like she was going to be sick, "That umm… that's how I got all this blood on me." She looked down at her scrub top.

Callie couldn't respond, there was _nothing _she could do to make Arizona feel better. The way she talked, like she was prepared for Callie to leave, almost broke her heart. She saw Arizona cover her mouth as her palm spread across her stomach,

"Hey, you okay?" Callie's voice rang worry.

"No I –"she interrupted herself mid-sentence as she ran to the bathroom and fell in front of the porcelain as she emptied her stomach.

Callie was shocked for a second but then instinctively ran behind Arizona into the bathroom, she sat down beside her on her knees as she rubbed circles on her back. Seeing Arizona this way, alone and sick almost made Callie want to vomit, she knew her brain had no logic anymore, but she _needed _to make her feel better. She gently pulled Arizona's blonde hair back as she held her close and rubbed her back with all the comfort she could muster up. She didn't know _this _is what losing Tim would do to Arizona.

Arizona flushed the toilet as she leaned wearily back against the wall and closed her eyes,

"I don't know – Callie you don't have to stay" Arizona felt like crying.

Callie was surprisingly hurt by her words, didn't she need her? She decided to ignore them for now,

"Here –"she held Arizona's arms as she helped her up, "- go take a shower, you'll feel better." Their faces were closer to each other than they had been in months.

"Callie, really, you don't –"

"Just – take a shower" Callie said with the slightest smile, trying to disguise her irrational hurt.

Callie stepped out of the bedroom into the kitchen. She turned on most of the floor lamps to make the place a little warmer – well as warm as it could get. She knew Arizona needed to eat something, the vomiting right now had been a result of hypoglycemia; she wondered what the last time when Arizona ate was.

Callie put on a pot of chamomile tea – she knew it always helped Arizona sleep. Meanwhile, she chopped some vegetables for the Chicken Soup; Arizona loved that. She couldn't get her mind off of how helpless she looked, despite everything that had happened, _tonight_, her heart told her to she listen to it, and _tonight, _she would. She planned to make sure Arizona ate something, took a Diazepam and went to sleep, and then Callie could leave.

Callie heard the shower go off, she felt relieved.

Somehow, no matter how hard she tried, Lauren being here yesterday didn't make Callie angry anymore. Especially after she found out Arizona hadn't called her over, of course the _thought _of that moment still sent shudders down her spine, but knowing it wasn't Arizona's decision made her somewhat feel better. Of course, she could never trust Arizona, not so much her fidelity, but more the fact that she said "I don't know." It made Callie wonder if Arizona still loved her, she didn't want to think that way but she couldn't help it – not that it mattered, of course.

"He promised me."

Callie was startled at the voice as her head darted up to face the bedroom. Arizona was standing at the door, her hair was wet and she was wearing black Yoga pants. She wore a navy blue, loose-fitting, full sleeved, thin sweater. It didn't look like she was wearing a bra, not that Callie looked.

Callie couldn't help but hide the confusion across her face.

"Tim – Tim he promised me he wouldn't die – he" she scrunched up her nose as her eyes brimmed with water; Callie knew that look.

"Oh, well Arizona – I'm sure –"

"No – no, I know, I'm not – I just, I told him to promise me he wouldn't leave me forever, that he would come back!" her quivering voice escalated as her chin trembled.

"Wh- what?" Callie was lost.

"Tim! My brother! –"Stinging tears rolled down her face as soft sobs escaped her mouth, but she continued, "- he, I know, I – but I can't stop thinking about it!"

"Arizona…" Callie turned the stove off as she stepped toward her, "- there's nothing anyone could have done about - you know that?" Callie said in her softest voice, so not to startle her. Everything made a lot more sense now, well kind of.

"I know that!" her shoulders started shaking as she struggled to get her words out, "Bu- but I uh – I can't stop –" she threw her face into her hands, "- he left me!"

Callie couldn't stop now, she walked toward Arizona and wrapped her arms around her as she held her close and passed her hand along her spine. There was nothing she could say. She could feel Arizona shivering.

"I know this is – it's – uh, irrational or – or, crazy and maybe I am –"Arizona was half crying and half yelling, Callie could barely make out her words, "- but I can't stop – I miss him…"

"Hey – hey, Arizona, no, you are _not _crazy." Callie said in a gentle but firm voice as she stroked her hair soothingly. Arizona wrapped her arms around Callie's neck as she seemed to melt into her.

Callie hated seeing Arizona like this, but this was better than that blank expression on her face.

Arizona buried her face in Callie's hair, she rested her head on Callie's breast, it felt _so _safe; she couldn't help but feel comfort at Callie's warm scent, at being in her arms, at feeling so warm – how could she have messed everything up _so_ bad?

"Okay, listen to me –"Callie gently pulled Arizona away as she looked into her watery, blue eyes, "You need to eat something, okay?" Arizona couldn't deny she desperately craved Callie's body as she walked toward the kitchen.

"No – no Callie, I'm - I don't feel like –"Arizona said in a trembling whisper when Callie interrupted her.

"Mhmm… its chicken soup, you love that –"Callie said in a hollow voice, as though to not trigger too many memories, "and you're going to eat - at least a little." She raised her eyebrows in a motherly way as she poured it in a bowl.

"Callie…" Arizona pleaded in a soft voice,

"Arizona – no. And it's freezing and –"she directed her attention out the window, "-and pouring, go sit in the bedroom, I'll be right there." Callie tried to ignore the fact that she could see Arizona's nipples through her thin, _very _thin sweater – yes, it was _freezing_.

Arizona had no energy to argue with Callie on this; she complied.

#

* * *

"You like it?" Callie sat at the edge of the bed, keeping a safe distance between her and Arizona.

"Mhmm… it's really good. You - aren't you gonna' eat?" Arizona didn't realize how hungry she was until she started eating; her crying had sobered now, but tears still stung her eyes.

"Umm… I ate. Okay, when you're done, here –"Callie placed a Diazepam on the coffee table, "– you need your sleep."

Arizona looked at Callie and almost forced a smile, she didn't know what she wanted. How could Callie do this? Stay with her and cook for her and make her feel better, despite everything? A wave of loneliness hit her when Callie left the room with her empty bowl. She felt that water spill out of her eyes again and she realized just _how _alone she was; the fact that she heard Callie pick her bag and coat up didn't help the situation.

What the hell was happening to her? Why did she feel so – _deserted_? The thunder didn't help.

"Okay I put some chamomile on the stove!" she vaguely heard Callie say from the kitchen, "- it'll help."

"What – what happened?" Callie saw Arizona trying to still her tears when she walked into the bedroom.

"Noth – nothing, I'm just – I don't know what's wrong –"Arizona couldn't meet Callie's gaze. That pain in her head returned.

It took everything she had for Callie to not go back up on that bed; she knew she wouldn't be able to get up if she did.

"Arizona – take the Diazapa –"Callie started backing up when Arizona interrupted her,

"Callie… please…" Arizona looked up at her, "- please don't leave me – not tonight Callie, please" she broke down weeping.

"Arizona – I –" she shook her head, what the hell was she saying?

"I – I don't wanna' – I _can't_ be alone tonight, I know – I know you hate me or – but please don't leave."

"I don't hate you…" why would she say that? The desperation in her voice was physically painful to hear. She didn't know what to do. Arizona looked so cold and vulnerable and alone.

"Okay here, lie down…" Callie rounded the bed and pulled up the comforter off the bed, "Arizona…" her voice shook.

Arizona pulled up her legs on the bed; she hesitantly stopped,

"I – I have to –"

"Okay." Callie broke eye contact.

Arizona removed the plastic socket off of her left leg and placed the prosthetic under the bed, she slipped under the covers. She tried to stop her crying.

"Please Callie – don't go…" Arizona looked up at her as her lips trembled.

"I won't" Callie slipped off her shoes as she slipped under the comforter and lay behind Arizona. She turned the bedside lamp off.

She could hear Arizona's uneven breathing as she tried to suppress her cries. Callie instinctively slipped her arm over the soft curve of Arizona's stomach as she pulled her close – as though to shield her from whatever she was feeling. There it was – that smell of warm apples and jasmine, as Callie pressed her nose against the back of Arizona's neck.

"Callie – thank you." Arizona said in a shaky voice holding on tightly to Callie's arm as though to make sure she wouldn't leave. To have Callie so, _so_close to her, to feel her full breasts against her back, to have her warm hands wrapping her stomach, to feel her breath against her neck – it was, like being home.

Callie felt Arizona shudder every time the thunder bellowed, and she couldn't help but tighten her grip. She could feel her heart pounding into the smooth skin of Arizona's back. She realized Arizona's crying had subsided and she knew her breathing well enough to know she was slipping into a deep sleep. Arizona pulled Callie's hands closer to her chest; she didn't want to let them go. Callie's eyes flashed open when she realized her palms were touching the bottom of Arizona's breasts, she couldn't help her heart skip a beat, she could feel her nipples pressing against her hands with every breath; she gently pulled them away and lay her hands across Arizona's stomach. Arizona's _very _thin sweater had ridden up and Callie's hands were now resting on the bare skin of her belly, the soft curves of Arizona's body gave a certain feminine feel to her – it almost made Callie feel more protective of her. She made sure the blanket properly covered Arizona, she hated thunderstorms.

Callie could feel warmth rising in her centre, what the hell was happening? She was suddenly _very_ aware of Arizona's hips pressed up against her inner thighs, she could feel her fingers on Arizona's lower stomach, the ends slightly under the waistband of her pants; this was _not_ good. Arizona pulled Callie's arms tighter across her body, Callie couldn't help her thumb dip into Arizona's navel as she felt the wetness spread between her legs… oh my god, this could _not_ be happening. She tried to calm herself; Arizona squeezed Callie's hands as she turned in her sleep to face Callie. They both were sharing the same air now, Arizona's creamy breasts were _excruciatingly _apparent on Callie's caramel cleavage, Callie could see the slight swell of the bottom of Arizona's breasts as her sweater further rode up, she felt her heart pace as Arizona nuzzled her head in the valley of Callie's breasts and let out a small whimper, she wondered if Arizona could feel the throbbing between her thighs as she spread her hand across Callie's stomach and rested it on her lower back; this was _definitely_ not good.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Callie slammed her against the wall pressing her soft, warm, opulent curves against the woman's flesh. Their lips frantically searched for each other's, Callie slipped her tongue into her mouth without asking, seeking or _requiring_ permission for entrance; the woman moaned at the feel of Callie's tongue exploring her mouth. Callie held her up with her wrists pinned up against the wall as she gently tugged on her lower lip with her teeth and smirked at the sound the woman made,

"Ohhhh god! Callie! I – I've –"she tried to get out between passionate kisses, "-I've waited _so _long for -!"

Callie answered by peeling off the red camisole that stuck to the woman's body so obstinately as she placed wet kisses from her mouth trailing down to her neck where she nipped on her ear lobe provoking the woman to dig her nails into Callie's smooth back. Callie's hands slid up from her slender waist as they began their journey up the sides of her stomach and fervently grabbed a handful of her breasts and squeezed hard as the woman threw her head back with a guttural moan,

"OHH MY – Callie… PLEASE, okay I -?" her voice resonated desperation for Callie.

"Hmm?" Callie teased with a slight leer.

"I need-"she tried to revive her basic grasp on language. "What do you _need_ Jennifer?" Callie whispered in a low, seductive, husky voice so close to Jennifer's ear it almost made her come right there and then.

"I-" she breathed but then suddenly found she could no longer comprehended the English vocabulary when Callie ripped off her blue satin bra and her eager hands grabbed Jennifer's breasts with such force she was sure it would leave a mark.

Jennifer suddenly darted her head up as her hands slid into Callie's dark hair and tugged on it with a rhythm synchronizing that of Callie kneading her breasts. Jennifer's eyes were like coal; she noticed Callie's pupils were dilated but something made her feel like they weren't looking at her - her thoughts were crudely interrupted as Callie's tongue circled her now erect nipple and bit down on it sending shockwaves right down to Jennifer's center,

"Ok, ok –"she pulled on Callie's hair harder, "-Fuck me ri- right now. Callie. Fuck. Me. Hard."

Jennifer usually wasn't the passive one during her many, _many _sexual encounters, but here – she didn't mind. Clearly.

Callie couldn't help but chuckle, her mouth went up to Jennifer's lips where she stuck her tongue inside as she felt her shiver; Jennifer abruptly broke the kiss as she spun around and jerked on Callie's hand as she attempted to strain her towards the bed – unfortunately, unsuccessfully – as Callie shrugged her hand off, and banged Jennifer against the wall with a strong grip on her hips as she shoved her thigh between Jennifer's legs rousing a lustful moan at the friction. Callie replaced her own thigh with her hand rubbing against Jennifer's crotch and smiled as she felt the warm wetness which had succeeded to soak through a layer of her clothing.

"Whoa. You. Are. So. Wet." Callie hummed in her smoky voice as she vehemently dragged her nails up the suave skin of Jennifer's long legs pulling her skirt up until it stuck around the width of her hips; Jennifer couldn't independently hold herself up anymore.

Without warning, Callie's fingers ripped Jennifer's matching blue panties off as two of her fingers aggressively entered Jennifer's _very _slick opening and Jennifer screamed – louder than she ever had. Callie trailed her tongue across Jennifer's lips as she plunged in and out of her adding a third finger. Jennifer straddled Callie's hips and moved along with Callie's rhythm of shoving inside of her as her hands grabbed Callie's breasts – partially for support - when she felt her knees lose all purpose; the aching throb in her clit was painfully apparent now,

"Oh – I – uh –"Jennifer writhed under Callie, "- I'm SO close!" she hissed.

One of Callie's hands grabbed Jennifer's breast as her fingers twisted her nipple and the other hand shoved inside of her as deep as it could go; Jennifer's legs trembled as her pupils dilated like a coke addict, and Callie felt the woman tighten around her hand – inducing a lustful sneer from Callie's red lips as she felt the warm gush of wetness against her fingers and Jennifer's body melted into her arms – Callie surprisingly _harshly_ pulled out of Jennifer prompting a whimper from her now bruised lips.

In that moment – as her legs paralyzed and Callie held her up, as her bare chest pounded wildly against Callie's hot, throbbing breasts, as her fingers entangled in Callie's thick hair and Callie's spontaneous breath bathed her damp skin – Jennifer thought she could do this until the _end of time_.

Suddenly, Callie seemed to impulsively snap out of her vehement spell as her charcoal eyes returned to their warm brown, as her hypnotizing leer broke into that deep smile and Callie saw her, _really saw _her and something changed – Jennifer could swear she saw a flash of something on Callie's face, something unrecognizable – disillusionment? It was gone before it appeared… and just like that, _time ended_.

#

* * *

"You seem happy today Arizona. How do you feel?" Dr. Wyszynski asked with that ever-professional smile which seemed to conceal a million secrets. Her honey brown hair was tied up in a neat bun as usual and her eyes seemed to see right through Arizona's soul as though she were as transparent as thin air – as usual.

"I'm good. I feel –"Arizona took a cool sip of air in with a smile, "- I feel good." She found herself being genuine with that answer for the first time in a while - and she smiled a little more.

Dr. Wyszynski raised her eyebrows every-so-slightly as though she _caught _something,

"Any particular reason?"

"Hmm? No, no, no, I –uh, no," Arizona's cloudy conscience began rambling when she abruptly stopped herself and met her guilty blue gaze with the Doctor's green one and dropped her façade, "- okay. Last night, I – I was upset." Arizona licked her lips and dropped her stare to her feet at the memory.

Dr. Wyszynski stayed as still as a corpse waiting patiently for Arizona's answer.

"So, I was upset and Callie –" she tucked a lock of blond hair behind her ear as she for some reason felt a warm gush of _something_ run through her body at the mention of that name, "- she came over and –" she swallowed not knowing exactly what to say, "-and she helped."

"Why were you upset Arizona?" Dr. Wyszynski surprised her with a clear diversion from her expected question.

Slightly caught off guard, Arizona felt her body tense at the question, but she continued,

"Tim Adamson?" she said with a voice as impersonal as possible.

"Yes."

"He died." Arizona surprised herself at the indifference in her voice.

"Oh I'm very sorry."

Arizona shot the woman a tight smile as acceptance and continued,

"So – I – uh – I was upset and Callie was there and I was – pretty upset." Arizona ended the sentence in a hush.

"Can you specify?"

"I was crying – a lot –" She cleared her throat, "I couldn't stop thinking of my brother - Tim." Her jaw tightened and she abruptly ended her explanation.

"Oh? And Callie being there helped?" her tone as steady as a surgeon's hands.

"Yes. It did." Arizona couldn't help her mind race to the memories of being in Callie's arms as she folded her own.

"What did Callie do?"

"She – she made me eat something." Arizona chuckled shakily, "Then she stayed with me and – and she held me – through the night, well kind of, just until I was asleep but – but then I guess she left? Or – or-"she trailed off sheepishly as her eyes searched the room for anything but the doctor and she felt her heart pace at the thought, "-anyways, it's just – I slept well."

"She held you?"

"Yeah. Well – well – because I asked her to. I asked her to stay the night." She felt her cheeks burn at the realization and she entwined her fingers together. "But she wasn't there, when I woke up – she wasn't there."

"How did that make you feel? Callie? Staying with you, holding you?" the woman remained unfazed.

Arizona let out a big breath as though a tremendous weight on her shoulders had been lifted, she didn't realize it until someone asked her, but, for some reason, she wanted to discuss this, talk about it… _rejoice_ in it?

"Honestly? I felt –"she licked her lips searching for a word as she met Dr. Wyszynski's stare with a new resolve, "- _whole._ After – after God knows how long!" She almost laughed as the realization hit her and suddenly she couldn't stop smiling.

Arizona Robbins had slept around enough to put the infamous Mark Sloan to shame, she knew that. Mainly because of her looks and partially because of that smile, and some just for those extraordinarily talented hands – but women threw themselves at Arizona, ever since she could remember; may they be straight or gay, slim or curvy – she just had _something_. She'd had a variety of _everything_, from positions to orgasms to women, them inside of her and her inside of them – she _knew_ what _everything_ felt like - until she met Calliope Torres. Until the sweet taste of that gentle brush of her lips against Callie's in that Dirty Bar Bathroom five years ago lingered on her lips longer than any woman's skin had, until she realized that standing too close to Callie could make her heart flutter, until she realized hearing her laugh did _things_ to her - the same way she realized none of those women could _ever _make her feel what Callie could make her feel _just_ by holding her, by wrapping her arms around her body, by looking at her – that safety, that warmth, that lov- Wait, what? She _needed _to talk to Callie.

#

* * *

"You _slept_ with her!?" Addison stopped dead in her tracks as her red hair flew back with momentum; her eyes looked about ready to pop out of that pretty little skull.

"No! NO! No… well I did – I did, but I _literally_ slept with her –"Callie lowered her voice as she knitted her eyebrows and frantically looked around to see if anyone had heard her as she callously pulled Addison into an empty exam room, "- and would you lower your voice!? I don't need another round of rumors – just - I didn't _sleep_ sleep with her… I just slept with her, like –"Callie futilely rambled on to explain herself when Addison grabbed her shoulders and steadied her,

"Callie - hey! Breathe – and explain." Her green eyes bore into Callie's brown ones.

Callie for some reason felt the need to draw the blinds as though to shield her dramatically enticing gossip from spreading in the hospital like wildfire.

"Okay-"Callie took a deep breath in, "- okay, I slept _next_ to her, like in the same bed. She – she was – yeah."

Addison raised her eyebrows; her expression was enough of a question. She let go of Callie's arms and sat down on the bed, not for a moment taking her eyes off of Callie's.

"Look – she was upset and I – just I went over there, to her place-"she swallowed guiltily.

"Wh- you went _over _to _her _place!?" Addison tactlessly interrupted her.

"Yes Addie, now would you shut up and let me continue!?" Callie escalated her voice agitatedly.

When Addison mouthed a contrived sorry, Callie continued,

"So – I did. I – well long story short – she was crying, a _lot _and I - I held her" she broke eye contact with Addison as she saw her jaw drop, "- in bed." She barely whispered the last part.

"Oh. My. God."

"Well she asked me to! To stay, she asked me to stay! And I left at – I didn't stay all night!" Callie escalated her voice in a dramatized defensive tone as if that changed anything. "Anyways, that-"she inhaled as she sobered, "that is not even the worst part."

"Oh… this has gotta' be good." Addison bemusedly raised her eyebrows.

"So I held her and-"Callie opened and closed her mouth repeatedly trying and failing for her sentences to materialize.

"Oh Callie Torres, spit it out!" Addison raised her voice losing her patience.

"I held her! And she was – her damn sweater was so thin and she kept – she was so soft and – "Callie breathed out and threw her head in her palms as she saw Addison's expression change.

"No…" Addison managed to get out between her shock and – _shock._

"Yeah…" Callie wailed animatedly through her palms.

"You didn't…?" _Rhetorical._

"Oh I don't know what _got_ into me! She was asleep but - she just – she kept – moving and breathing and my hands kept pressing up against her –" Callie tried to compose herself, "- and, and I – she was just so close and her stupid shirt kept riding up and before I knew it I was-"

"Callie…" Addison whispered in amused disbelief.

"I know! I know! I'm a horrible horrible pervert! I tried to ignore it but- but as soon as I felt like it was too much like I was-"she gulped, "- I left."

"You left!?"

"Yeah! What was I supposed to do!? She was asleep and calm and fine and – I – just I couldn't." a wave of sadness flashed across her features. Arizona Robbins was the end of her – she knew it.

"Then?" Addison tried to soften her tone.

Callie lowered her gaze like the guiltiest criminal on the stand; she knew she wouldn't be able to survive if she looked at her friend for this,

"Then… I went over to Jennifer's and made sure she would _never_ walk again."

#

* * *

"Karev!" Arizona jogged to an exceptionally aggravated Alex Karev, "Hey!"

"Yeah." He grunted barely turning around to face her. If it had been anyone else – he wouldn't have bothered.

"I just wanted to ask you – you were on that trekking accident kid right?" she tried to catch her breath – albeit with a smile.

"Yup. Lots of blood and bones. It was awesome."

Arizona decided to skip her lecture on patient sensitivity today considering her hurry,

"Karev." She tilted her head disapprovingly. "Was Dr. Torres on the case too?"

"Yeah, she's resetting the pelvis right now. O.R. 2"

"Oh ouch." She cringed but sobered. "Okay, thanks Alex." She said with a nod and a smile as she headed towards the exit.

Arizona felt – _happy. _She had to talk to Callie…

#

* * *

"You gonna' stop now?"

No Response.

"Callie!"

"Huh? What?" Callie snapped out of her thought-coma when she felt Teddy grab the sponge she'd been over-ardently scrubbing her hands with; she shot Teddy a perplexed glance but flashed back to reality when her stare dropped to her now raw, burning wrist, "Oh – ow! That hurts like a bitch!" she cringed at the realization.

"Ya' think?" Teddy was puzzled as she picked up her own sponge, "Callie – are you okay?" she subtly softened her tone.

"Yeah! Yeah, my – my head was just – I was thinking about something… that's all." Callie contrived a smile as she tried to revive her brain.

"Callie?"

She hesitantly shifted her gaze to Teddy, afraid her eyes would give off more than she wanted them to; being alone with your close friend in the dark, quiet scrub room wasn't really the best environment to hide your overwhelming feelings – nonetheless, Callie tried; and failed.

"I heard. About you and Arizona?" Teddy smiled with sad sympathy.

Callie's mind flinched with surprise but her body stayed as still as her heart; was she _this _transparent? Truth was, she hadn't been able to get her mind to shut up about Arizona – last night – and what it meant, since she chatted with Addison this morning.

Callie didn't know what to say. She knew Teddy would know, _of course _she knew, why wouldn't she? But, then why did it hurt so, _so _bad all over again?

"You don't – you – you don't have to say anything Callie –"Teddy hurried reading Callie's expression when Callie interrupted her.

"No, no Teddy, its fine." Callie swallowed through that lump building in her esophagus as her soft lips curled in a slim, pensive smile and she shook her head trying to shove her thoughts back down that little box in her brain, "Teddy, it's okay and – and I'm sorry, I should have told you myself but I just couldn't do it."

"Hey – that's not what I meant Callie, I just –"Teddy stepped closer to Callie as she took a deep breath in, "I know, I know I missed a lot, that plane crash and Mark and Lexie-"she cleared her throat as she saw the emotion well up in Callie's eyes, "- and Arizona."

"Teddy you don't ha–"Callie's voice shook.

"No, please, I just need to say – I – don't think I'll ever absorb everything, _ever_." Her voice remained solid despite the avid emotions her green eyes tried to still; she swallowed, "But, you and Arizona? Callie, I know it's not my place and I know I don't know _anything-_ but you and _Arizona_?" Teddy chuckled empathetically.

Callie felt her fingers tighten their grip on the cool edge of the basin as her heart threatened to give out.

"I'm so sorry Callie. After Henry I can tell you -" Teddy tried to restrain her feelings, "You two? You just – you don't give that up."

"I – I have to go Teddy." Callie _literally _felt her throat begin to close, she had to get out of there, "Sofia – she – I have to pick her up from Grey's and it's late already –"she took a deep shaky breath in as she felt her mind begin to collapse and her vision turned opaque with warm water.

"Okay Callie." Teddy stepped back as she realized Callie needed her space, "We'll talk later." She smiled softly as though to comfort whatever she was feeling.

Here it was again, that confused loneliness, dammit she _knew _she should have never gone to Arizona's place last night. Her feet had a mind of their own as they carried her body to places she knew she had no business going to, they raced – her feet – faster than her head; then they stopped, in the middle of nowhere, no, in the middle of an empty hallway… nope, it wasn't empty, it was actually asphyxiatingly crowded and loud and _crowded_, but it felt empty. She needed something, _someone? _

Callie shut her eyes as tight as she could – impervious to the confused glares from the shadows around her as she reminded herself, reminded herself to breathe, to inhale, to _think_.

Clothes.

Yes. She had to change. And so she did, she pulled on her street clothes and walked out of the Attending's' Lounge.

She had to drive to Meredith's.

_I'm_ _Arizona Robbins, Peds. Surgery._

She had to pick Sofia up.

_I love you Calliope._

She entered the elevator.

_I think you'll know…_

She had to **shut** her frickin' _mind_ up.

_That's my baby in there and I don't want anything happening to my baby!_

Was the elevator moving faster than usual?

_Don't ever leave. Promise me that – right now._

She paced through the automatic doors resisting the urge to pull her hair out as she stepped out of the hospital into the dark parking lot, _crap_ it was cold.

Callie stopped dead in her tracks as she saw her, Arizona, standing in front of her car – waiting?

In that _single_ instant – she knew. She wanted her, _needed _her. She willed her feet to start again as they lost all purpose when her eyes met Arizona's gaze. She proceeded.

Her heart ran faster than her blood when she stepped in front of Arizona. Her wavy, blonde hair danced with the cool night breeze as her soft pink lips turned into the most beautiful smile Callie had ever seen.

She stepped closer.

Arizona's warmth overwhelmed her body when Callie realized all she wanted to do was fall back into those arms.

Callie's eyes traced every inch of Arizona's creamy skin, her blue eyes, her soft lips.

She stepped closer.

In that moment, standing _this _close – the world was insignificant, time _stopped_; it was them and _only _them. It was – _magic_.

She could practically see Arizona's heart pound. The stark darkness surrounding them didn't matter anymore.

Callie could feel Arizona's breath on her lips.

She stepped closer.

All either woman wanted to do – in that moment - was to close that infinitesimal distance between their lips. To feel the moist warmth of their mouths against each other's. To give in – to succumb.

She stepped closer.

Callie Torres knew, with _every _breath of air in her body – she loved Arizona Robbins, loved her more than _anything _she loved before.

"We're done Arizona. We're over."

She took a step back. Then another one. One more.

_I love you and you love me and none of the rest of it __**matters…**_

I wish – was all Callie couldn't think as she walked away.


	12. Author's Note

**A/N**:

I just wanted to thank everyone for following, favorite -ing and reviewing "Just Give Me A Reason", I'm painfully new at writing Fan Fictions but I'm slowly settling into my groove and I really appreciate that you guys are enjoying it, it _truly _means a lot to me, so once again thank you for that :D

For the readers who seem to think I ended the story at Chapter 11 – I didn't. I'm _very _much working on the next chapter. I hope you guys don't freak out too much about those last 3 sentences, I'm just trying to portray what feels natural to me concerning these characters and the _excruciatingly _complex circumstances they have found themselves in; I am trying my best and I hope I continue doing justice to this storyline. Feedback really, _really _is super encouraging, so thanks for that! Hope you guys stick around!

**P.S. **For a few of the reviewers who have taken issue with the homosexual aspect of this story, I have a couple of things to say. If it bothers you – simple – **don't** read it (I assume the summary clarifies the nature of the fanfic.) and I sincerely pray with all my heart that you find a way to open your minds and hearts sometime in the future; I'm not here to preach but – c'mon people!

Anyways, I'll update as soon as possible :) _Very_ soon.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

_ "__Look, Dr. Bailey, I know everyone is a little bit distracted and busy around here – I know that! I just – its, I need to finalize the Peds. Fellowship applicants really soon and I need you to make a decision." Arizona tried to keep her irritation in check as she struggled to catch up to a very grouchy Miranda Bailey; Bailey was intimidating enough as it is, Arizona did not want to get to know just how intimidating the unpleasant version of the woman would be – nonetheless, she pressed the issue._

_In one swift, unnerving movement, Bailey spun on her heel to face Arizona; unconsciously forcing her to recoil at the spontaneity,_

_ "__Doctor Robbins…" she spoke at the slowest pace possible zoning in on Arizona's wide, blue eyes narrowing her own as she stepped forward, "We have had this conversation Oh I don't know – a thousand times!?" her voice intensified as that expression which earned the Nazi her name spread across her features._

_ "__I know we have! But you still haven't –"Arizona shook off the fear as she started with a new resolve, only to be interrupted again._

_ "__Yes. And that is because I have a full roster! I barely get home to see my son and I have six! Not one, not two but six surgeries lined up – TOday! So – to have you come up her and tell me about your management issues!? Frankly, it's insulting! I have got a nasty bowel obstruction in O.R. 2 on a ninety year old, a fistula in pre op. and don't even get me started on the gastric bypa …"Bailey continued her menacing chastising of the blond but Arizona wasn't listening anymore._

_Arizona shook her head dumbly as she, slightly apprehensively, waited for Bailey to finish her rant – damn, the woman was scary when she wanted to be; even she had to admit it. Arizona's gaze wandered, just for a second – not even, when she looked up, behind the increasingly threatening woman screaming in her face, behind the confusing, chaotic array of nurses and patients and dragons and unicorns for all she cared when she saw the elevator doors open._

_Arizona looked back at Dr. Bailey, but only for a fraction of a heartbeat, because something made her gaze flash back to where it had been a nanosecond ago – it happened so fast, she wondered if she clipped one of her optic nerves; but she didn't, oh she had her vision alright… and she made a mental note to chant Hail Mary at the top of her lungs from every rooftop she could find in Seattle for what she saw._

_The woman was ravishing, she was – she was breathtakingly stunning. _

_Her silky, black hair ran boldly across her shoulders and lay on the audaciously steep rise of her chest – not that Arizona looked, obviously. She couldn't help but wonder if her hair was actually that black or if her mind was playing euphoric tricks on her. The woman held a bag across one of her arms and her hands were stuffed into her jacket pockets – an insanely hot, badass, sexy leather jacket which clung on to her curves in a way that should have been as illegal as heroin or – you know, murder. If that didn't do the trick, her navy blue skinny jeans tucked into those black boots certainly made up for it. A clear contrast to the obvious dark shades the woman enjoyed was her emerald green blouse; it had a deep neck which hugged her breasts and flared out loosely below her bra line – it looked, irrationally sexy. Somehow, the color accentuated that intoxicating, silky tan skin which covered her body, oh because the curves and the face weren't hot enough; somehow, Arizona knew that caramel skin would be sweeter on her tongue than its color. The deep-red richness of the brunette's lips only made them more delicious – or so Arizona imagined they would taste. Oh god those hands, they looked strong and gentle at the same time – a rare quality Arizona more than valued. She trailed them unwaveringly with her eyes as they slipped out of that ridiculously attractive leather jacket to reveal shiny black nail-polish; and here she thought the woman couldn't get any more irresistible. Much to Arizona's dismay, those potentially magical hands touched an arm, a strong muscular arm, a pretty man's strong muscular arm, dammit, she hoped for his sake that arm belonged to the brunette's brother – or her impotent, gay best friend or something…_

_"__Doctor Robbins!" _

_The ear-shattering yell brought Arizona back from her little space-out,_

_"__Ye- yes, yeah okay Dr. Bailey, we'll talk later – about the whole – about this." Arizona furrowed her eyebrows as an attempt to look professional but something in Bailey's face told her she had miserably failed._

_"__Did you even hear what I said?! I –"_

_"__Yes, Bailey I did – who is that?" the question popped out of Arizona's mouth before she knew it as she pointed over to the brunette punching her name into the check-in chart._

_"__Are you serious!?" Bailey attempted to further push the issue but relented seeing the empty stare on the blonde's face when she agitatedly turned around to where she was pointing, "Oh – for the love of God! That is Mark Sloan, plastics, no wonder you were gettin' all drooly, I had forgotten professionalism and self-control even existed in the human race anymore, you should take a look at the horny, wild, promiscuous group of teenagers I have for interns – they do nothing but cut L-VAD wires and drown themselves and - oh those On-Call rooms, don't even get me started. Arizona Robbins I just expected a little more from you considering –"Bailey's passionate rant was interrupted._

_"__No Bailey – ew - "she scrunched her nose and knitted her eyebrows as she tried to grasp what the woman was saying, "- I was – her! Who is she?" Arizona repeated._

_"__Oh – that's Callie Torres, Ortho." now, Bailey was genuinely confused, she put down the chart in her hand as she tried to read Arizona, "Why?"_

_"__What? Oh no, I just, I – grant season in coming up and we could really use some new PET scanners and ECMO machines – for, you know? The tiny humans… so, so I really need that grant and I just - uh – I want to get to know my competition." Arizona had to bite her tongue to end her babble, she was never good at lying; she highly doubted the woman fell for it._

_Bailey, in fact did not fall for it, for starters, the woman had a terrible poker face and the fact that she was shuffling on those ridiculous roller shoes didn't really help matters. But she decided to ignore it – for the sake of her own sanity,_

_"__Well – you don't have to worry. Callie's a 5__th__year resident. Better than most of our Ortho Attendings, but she won't be stealing your funding anytime soon…" Bailey began scribbling some instructions on a post-op chart._

_Arizona was admittedly shocked that the woman, Callie, was a resident, something about her seemed like she was so much more – experienced; she would have to dip into the infamous, STD-esque rumor mill of the hospital. She shifted her gaze back up to the brunette. Arizona had seen, dated and slept with many, many women – most of whom were very attractive. So the fact that the incredibly hot Ortho Surgeon was incredibly hot wasn't really what made Arizona swoon over her… then what was it? Her thoughts were pleasantly interjected when Callie Torres broke into a smile… it literally lit up the entire galaxy (black holes and all), and Arizona's mind went practically sheet blank when she saw it. She knew it; that was it - her eyes, those were what glued Arizona's gaze to the woman, those brown eyes which seemed to tell every story in her heart, which radiated more warmth than a roaring fire, those eyes which made her __**her**__._

_Callie Torres could be the end of her._

It's funny how the funniest memories crawl back up in your mind at the funniest times; it's _very _funny – but, for some reason Arizona was not laughing standing in the deserted parking lot as she watched Callie walk away.

Suddenly, the excruciatingly freezing temperature surrounding her became painfully apparent, the thick texture of the air made it difficult to breathe, she didn't know whether her heart sped like the wind or stilled as dead as the night; there was no sign of life around her, it is a strange feeling to inhale without the satisfaction of oxygen, for your heart to pound so hard it hurt but have no resemblance to being alive, for something buried deep inside of you to throb but feel numb – kind of like drowning in cold water. There it was again, that agonizing pain in the back of her head, it almost matched up to the sharp pulsation in her left leg, no, her left ankle, was it really there? Her mind struggled fervently to distinguish the quickly blurring lines between what was real and what wasn't – she hadn't felt any of this a second ago, when Callie was here… what just happened? Then it hit her – like a speeding truck,

_"__We're done Arizona. We're over."_

Just like that, Arizona felt her breath catch in her throat, when words her ears accepted finally formed sentences fit for her brain to comprehend, she _really _heard it now and it sounded… _wrong_. They couldn't be over, it was _not _done – she knew it, in this very moment, even when her head was playing vicious tricks on her, even when she felt terrified and confused and disoriented– she knew Callie was _wrong_, she _knew _that sentence did not _feel _right.

Mostly because Arizona Robbins _knew _she still felt that feeling today, at this very moment, the same feeling she had felt when she first saw the brunette walk through those elevator doors five years ago.

Callie Torres _would _be the end of her.

#

* * *

She knew she would have kissed her, she _knew _it. She wouldn't have waited half a second to think about it, she would have slipped her arms around her waist, pulled her close, and kissed her; and just for a second – as the kiss deepened – she could have had that feeling, that feeling where Arizona Robbins belonged to her, where she could _only _be touched by her. It was a silly notion, she knew it, but every time she held Arizona in her arms, that is exactly how she felt, like that creamy, warm skin under her fingers would always be taken care of because she _loved _Arizona. Which is why it hurt to walk away, it hurt like hell – but Callie knew it had to be done, she knew she had to end it because the only thing which hurt more than walking away was _loving _Arizona not knowing how long she'd love her back, it was scary and lonely and sad, but it had to be done.

Callie knew Arizona sleeping with Lauren Boswell was not the same as George sleeping with Izzie Stevens – he was drunk, angry, weak and _not _in her love with her to begin with – but the biggest difference was that despite how doomed their marriage was, George _knew, _he knew why he cheated and he knew he didn't want to even try to fix what they had, or didn't have. Arizona didn't _know_… anything? It was frustrating and purely agonizing.

Callie trailed her finger over the rim of her wine glass – her _empty_ wine glass; as usual, her head wouldn't shut up. She pulled the thin woolen blanket closer to her chest when the startlingly cold air hit her with a vengeance, great, now she was freezing inside out, just when she thought it couldn't get any worse, she heard the Seattle rain barrage her window pane; her glass needed a refill, crap she really hoped Sofia wouldn't wake up. Before she could get up off of the couch, her cell phone began screaming for attention, she barely scrambled to her feet to get it and shut it up before it woke her daughter, not to mention the fact that she _really _did not want to talk to anyone.

"Hello?" she said in a husky whisper.

"Hey!" the voice was happier than Callie would have liked right now.

"Hey Jen… hi." not expected,

"Oh… you sound all eh, everything okay?"

"Peachy – just, Sofia, she's sleeping in the other room and I don't wanna' wake her – you know, the rain is bad enough without -"

"Yeah, of course, of course. I was just wondering if you wanted to meet up tomorrow. Tomorrow night… to be precise…" Jennifer's voice had a hint of suggestiveness to it.

"Oh – uh…"

"No – I mean, this morning was – just, _wow_." Jennifer continued.

"Well – umm… I'm on call I think – tomorrow night? But, but if I'm not, I'll let you know… because – cause' yeah, this morning was fun – super." Callie tried to muster up as much enthusiasm as she could and hoped that Jennifer wouldn't latch on to the fact that their little meeting this morning had _completely _slipped her mind.

"Gee – how you gush." It was playful but with a hint of something else.

"No – I, I'm sorry – just, Jennifer, I had a really hard day at work. I'm really sorry." Callie pinched the bridge of her nose as she closed her eyes – her head hurt now.

"Hey…" her voice softened, "don't worry about it. I didn't mean it that way; I'm sorry, do you want to talk about it?"

"Umm… I – no –"the woman's tone made Callie feel just a teensy bit guilty, she swallowed, "- I'd rather just not think about it – if, if you don't mind…"

"No, of course not, "Jennifer lightened her tone, "-how about this, you get a good night's rest tonight and we'll talk tomorrow? Or whenever you feel like it…"

Callie couldn't help but smile,

"That would be good."

"Okay then, goodnight…"

"Wai – Jennifer?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you…" Callie's voice was shakier than intended.

"For what?"

"For understanding."

She heard Jennifer let out a comforting chuckle,

"Sleep now Callie – night'…"

"Goodnight Jennifer."

Callie couldn't help but let out a trembling sigh as she hung up.

#

* * *

What the _hell_ was she doing?

She was _not _this person, a person who mopes around and cries all day long, she was the person who loved with every drop of blood in her body, who fought tooth and nail for what she wanted. She was the person who walked tall.

_You fought, you loved, you lost. Walk tall Torres…_

She couldn't help but let out something between a laugh and a cry as she dropped back down on the couch. She missed Mark, oh where the hell was he _right _now? _Right now _when she needed him so, so badly… when she was alone and sad and lonely and he was supposed to be here! He was supposed to sit with her and get drunk with her and hold her hair when she threw up and cried about Arizona and he was supposed to _be here! _ She couldn't help but wonder what he would say, what he would do if he found out Arizona cheated on her – her next breath was ragged when water slipped out of her eyes.

That was just it though, she had _fought, _she had_ loved, _and she had_ lost_. There was nothing more she could do except walk tall, but she really didn't feel like it, she didn't feel like walking tall, she felt like lying on that couch forever and drowning in her own tears. She dropped her head in her hands. The rain fell almost as hard as her tears. She felt alone… completely, blatantly alone.

The unwelcome doorbell rang as loud as the thunder and it took Callie a while to even acknowledge its existence. Callie didn't want to open it, she was in _no _condition to open the door – but it rang again, and again, then one more time. The clock read 11:17 P.M. It was late, the doorbell was loud, the rain was loud and it made her head hurt. She tried to still her tears while breathing through that painful lump in her throat as she walked towards the door. She took a moment to take a deep breath in, tuck a lock of loose hair behind her ear and balance herself. She didn't even know what or _how _she would talk because if she opened her mouth, even a little, she knew whatever shred of composure she had left would dissolve into thin air… but it was loud; so she opened the door.

If every thought in her head hadn't _completely_ already wrecked her ability to hold herself together – this did.

"Callie…"

Her voice sounded so soft and familiar, just hearing it seemed to stitch back a piece of Callie's heart – but it broke one too.

"Ari – Arizona…" she bit her inner lip to halt that unbearable well of emotion taunting her to burst out unannounced. Callie gripped the doorknob tighter as she swallowed.

What the hell was she doing here _right _now?

The two women stood looking at each other, motionless. Callie's dark eyes drifted between a bottomless brown and a deep russet as they widened to look into those navy irises staring back at her. What was probably only a few seconds felt like a decade – a painful, passionate, extraordinary decade in which it seemed like voices were mere vibrations unnecessary for this moment. It was as though speaking would end the spell – bring them back to the reality that was this day. The pattering of rain on the roof of the building blended with the sound of water hitting the cracks and niches across the street as it dashed down the slopes of Seattle, that ecstasy mingled with the warm, dim luminescence of the honey colored hue from the floor lamps inside the apartment formed a haunting atmosphere – but then it ended – a flash of lightning struck the clouds as an adrenaline-inducing thunder shuddered their world like the seventh wave and brutally snapped them out of their surreal twinkling… Callie didn't miss that tremor in Arizona the instant the sky roared.

"Oh – you're wet. What the hell Arizona… it's – it's storming outside and – you're soaking." Callie subconsciously knitted her eyebrows and spoke without hearing her own words as her inspecting eyes precipitously took in the woman's appearance. To say she was drenched would be a gross understatement – her black coat clung to her body as it drooped down midway to her thighs dripping with enough water to form a puddle at her feet. Her blonde hair looked darker, almost a dirty blonde as it fell down her shoulders and the golden brown strands stuck together to give it a wavy, disheveled appearance; it went _very _well with the unreadable expression across her soft features. Arizona's face looked paler, almost a vague tinge of cerulean added to cream, with a dash of red at the cheeks, which Callie knew very well to be the face which hinted she was glacially freezing; her pink lips had darkened in color, almost a deep rose hue – the entire ensemble somehow made those periwinkle blue eyes look _even_ blue-er. She looked… _unforgettable_.

"Callie I need to say –"Arizona's voice was indecipherable; there was an emotion alien to Callie in it, so she interrupted.

"I thought we talked today, I thought I made it clear –"Callie tried to stern her voice as she tried to reel in the part of her already drowning in the other woman; she had to stop. "What were you thinking?" Callie's voice lowered an octave as her chin quivered and her eyes stung, "It's late and raining and –"

"You're wrong."

Callie swallowed as she narrowed her eyes, confused,

"What?" she barely whispered.

Something resembling hurt and sadness swept over Arizona's face as she took a sharp breath in and her eyes visibly brimmed with tears, she licked her lips as she willed her voice to continue,

"You –"her escalating voice shook uncontrollably as it radiated a vulnerable anger, "- you are_ wrong_!"

The sudden quake in Arizona's voice managed to send a paroxysm of ache somewhere inside of Callie. She didn't respond as she subconsciously waited for Arizona to proceed; her heart for some reason, seemed to foresee the future better than her as it beat madly in her chest.

Arizona stepped closer; seemingly impervious to the shooting pain in her left leg. She opened her mouth as she took a shallow breath in and exhaled as she let the unfathomable azure of her eyes sink into Callie's, her heart leapt all over her body as Callie's words rung in her mind over and over and _over_; they hurt a little more every time… she licked her lips as a warm drop of water finally escaped from her eye like a prisoner from Alcatraz,

"You are wrong." Her voice was a ragged, low breath which quivered more than it should have as the staggeringly icy air finally caught up to her,

"We are _not _done and – and we are _not _over Callie."

Arizona's voice vibrated again –but not out of fear, or sadness or worry or the cold – but out of a new resolve.

* * *

**A/N****: I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Thanks so much for reading. I'll update really soon :)**


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

It is a strange and frightening feeling to not recognize yourself - to hear yourself speak, and think, and breathe but only just _hear _it – without feeling, without _truly _comprehending what you're trying to say. It kind of feels like you're hovering over your own body, groping in the dark, searching desperately for _something, _anything… almost like a ghost. Even so, the scariest part of all… is _knowing_, just _knowing _that if you scratch the surface, if you even peek inside, if you open that vault buried deep in the crevices of your mind… you won't want to live with that person anymore… which can be terrifying, especially when that person is _you _yourself_._ It's an inexpressible emotion, unearthly and eerie, but she tried – Arizona Robbins tried with all her heart and soul and mind to _figure _it out, she had been trying for the past year – and failing. Despite the hypersensitive numbness that consumed her… there were moments, little snippets of time when her head jolted back into consciousness, when she _heard _what she was saying meaning _every _word of it, when she didn't simply linger over her own body but took control, when she _felt_ her heart pound and her fingers tremble – this instant, this _very _moment was one of them; when she stared into those bottomless eyes, when she felt that warmth and when she heard that voice, _with _Callie – she recognized herself. It seemed like months, or years, or even _ages_ since she had meant her words, _really _meant them,

_"__We are not done – and we are not over Callie."_

Silence – a deafening, maddening, mind-altering silence.

"Wha… what?" Callie broke the muteness in a hoarse voice as she narrowed her eyes struggling to grasp what the other woman was saying.

Arizona tried to ignore the earth shatteringly loud roars of the clouds, the tormenting frigidity of the temperature, and she _especially _tried to ignore that startling defenselessness she felt, that absurd vulnerability which was more and more frequent these days, when her leg hurt, or when she had _certain _nightmares… or when the noise was too loud; but feeling Callie's presence right now, so close to her, somehow, some of it seemed to subside.

She had walked to Callie's place, in a storm, in the middle of the night, in the spur of a moment – it was unplanned and unnerving, and she had absolutely no idea what else she was going to say. Seeing that expression on Callie's face, the vexed sadness, she knew she had to continue, because she wouldn't let her go now – she _couldn't_.

Arizona stepped forward, her expression softened when she realized all her hand wanted to do was touch Callie's face,

"Callie… I –" she swallowed, "- I know I hurt you, I – I don't know how or why or – I can't believe – I can't - " she shook her head as she let her own words sink into her mind, her pace of speaking quickened as her voice escalated, "- I can't believe I did but, but I know I did… I hurt you and - I can't even explain it to myself and I'm trying! Every day I –"

"Stop…"

"I get that you feel betrayed and I – I get that you can't –"she felt a headache come on as she struggled to explore her thoughts.

"Please…" Callie's voice was high and opaque at the same time, she inhaled as the barrier in her throat threatened to smother her "- please… stop."

So Arizona did – she stopped. She opened her mouth again but closed it when she saw the unreadable expression across Callie's face. She stepped closer.

Callie instinctively stepped back as though being close to Arizona was a _physical _suffering for her, she dropped her head down as she tried to pull it together, but it felt like stilling something inevitable… Arizona waited patiently, although her heart was sprinting wildly in her chest, she quietly studied the brunette for what seemed like hours. Then, Callie slowly looked back up and her eyes met Arizona's hopeful ones.

"I can't talk about this anymore – I – Arizona, I can't…" Callie said with contrived determination which quickly dissolved when a soft sob escaped her mouth, "puh – please Arizona… you shouldn't have come."

Arizona's eyes desperately searched Callie's face for _something, _a chance… and she felt a wave of panic set in. She quickly stepped forward; there was a paper-thin distance between the two women as Arizona shook her head in disbelief trying to will Callie to talk,

"Callie… no, no please. Just listen to me!" she implored.

"Arizona, no!" Callie's voice morphed from helpless to almost angry in a fraction of a second as she jerked her head up to Arizona, "I _will not _do this anymore! And you have no right whatsoever to – to come here and tell me we aren't over! It is _not _your call!" Callie's heart pounded angrily as she felt her cheeks burn.

"Callie! Can you just – can you stop for one second and listen to me! Can we just _talk_ – is that too much to ask!?" Arizona found something resembling frustration and irate well up inside her chest as she laid her hand on the wooden door to make sure Callie wouldn't close it.

"Yes! YES it is too much to ask Arizona! Because I'm tired, I am _exhausted, _and I am _never_ happy anymore!" Callie's voice cracked as she heard herself say those words.

Arizona felt her heart skip a beat at Callie's quivering voice, and a pang of guilt she didn't quite understand. But she knew if she stopped talking now, she'd never get the chance again.

"I just want to – hurting you was not my intention, but I did – "Arizona lowered her voice, "And I also know that I want to do everything in my power to – to, I don't want to - I don't know why I did it Callie but –"

"Oh what the hell do you _know _Arizona!?" the drastic escalation in Callie's tone induced Arizona to flinch in shock, "What DO you KNOW!?" Callie yelled shakily as she turned around and fumed back into the apartment.

Arizona stood motionless for a moment, startled, and then she felt irritation set in.

_Why the hell wasn't this woman listening!?_

She traced Callie's steps into the apartment as she trudged in and slammed the door shut,

"What do I _KNOW!? _If you listened to me Callie! You would know it's hard to – you would know what I was saying!" Arizona spoke with such conviction it jolted Callie to turn around and face her.

"I don't want to listen! It's the same 'I don't know's EVERY time! I – it's you don't know anything Arizona! Nothing!" she took a sharp breath in as she walked towards blonde, "Today, oh, today you _felt _like getting back together with me! Tomorrow, you felt like fucking Lauren Boswell so you did that! Why!? You don't know! See how _that_ works!?" Callie snapped out of her furious huff when she saw Arizona's breath catch in her throat.

_Did she really just say that!? _

Callie tensed her jaw as she watched Arizona's face go through _every _emotion in the spectrum; they were all equally incomprehensible,

"You think it's that simple Callie!?" Arizona said in a slow, throaty voice that _only _every came out when she was angry – no, _livid_.

"NO! But I wouldn't know because you _never _told me anything!" Callie felt angry tears sting the corners of her eyes.

"Well that is _exactly _what I'm trying to do right now!" Arizona retorted.

"Too little, too late!" Callie didn't even know why she was resisting it so much, maybe because she knew if she let her feeble walls down for even a second, she'd come crashing down again.

Callie heatedly whirled around on her heel and took a step in the opposite direction when she felt a hand grab her wrist and reel her back; she consequentially turned around to face Arizona, partly out of shock and partly out of another unidentifiable emotion,

"Stop it Callie! Stop and listen! I _want _to work it out! I don't – I don't want us to end!" it sounded somewhat like an infuriated plea as Arizona tightened her grip on the brunette's wrist.

"We _have_ ended though Arizona! We have!" she broke her hand from Arizona's grasp.

The words seemed to callously bowdlerize through Arizona's heart as she shook her head in incredulity and willed herself to speak again,

"Don't – We haven't! No! I - it was a mistake and I may not know _anything_ – I just _know _we haven't ended!" Arizona ranted as she raised her voice which shook with every erratic heartbeat as her vision hazed with hot water; that nagging pain in her head returned with a vengeance.

"Just – **_Just_**give me a reason! Give me _one _good reason as to why in hell I should set myself up to be wrecked - AGAIN!?" Callie was inches away from Arizona's face, her nostrils flared as she tried to control her fitful breathing, evocative eyes amplified and bore into cobalt ones.

"Because I LOVE you Calliope! I LOVE you! I. Love. You! I have changed and the world has changed and _everything _has changed but this hasn't! I Love you and I _have_ loved you ever since I kissed you in that Dirty Bar Bathroom five years ago! I Love you!" Arizona gasped as the words flew out of her mouth… she _knew _it the instant she said it, she had always known it – she loved Calliope Torres, loved her more than life itself – she had never stopped.

Callie's heart and soul violently withdrew in shock but her body stayed frozen in place. She knitted her eyebrows as she tried to pace her mind; she _literally _felt the frantic rush of chemicals through her veins as her eyes traced Arizona's face, memorized _every _line on it.

The earsplitting hush spoke a thousand words… in spite of the rain and the thunder and the stormy gusts, it _felt_ quiet – a chaotic silence where navy eyes absorbed russet ones, where every whisper around them was a trifling buzz, where heartbeats pounded louder than the sky and memories ran wilder than the winds.

_"__Oh – I'm awake, I'm – I'm – see? I'm – I'm totally awake! There's hats and gifts an – and, and donuts! And – lingerie…"_

_ "__I love you."_

_ "__You do?"_

_ "__I do."_

"I love you too…" the words escaped Callie's lips before she realized it, as though she were lost in the azure depth of Arizona's eyes.

The two women stood face-to-face on the mahogany floors as the nebulous, golden hue cast an ethereal glow in the room, the raindrops continued to dance on the windowpane and the blustery weather continued to whistle, but time stood still. The wistful pulsations between them resonated with every breath they released.

An ominous flash of lightening reverberated through the foggy atmosphere as a sharp gust of air surged through the small crack in the open window and in a flash of a moment – Arizona leaned forward and closed the infinitesimal distance between their mouths as her soft, rosy lips captured rich, scarlet ones in an ardent embrace. Her fingers ran over Callie's shoulders, begging for the touch, as they tangled in raven hair. Suddenly, all vulnerability and uncertainty liquefied when she felt unswerving arms slip around her waist. That moist, warm, passion radiated _every_ unsaid word and _all_ unbearable longing_. _Arizona's thumbs caressed the bronze skin on Callie's cheeks as she felt arms tighten their hold around her torso. She slid her hands further around the brunette as her fingers locked behind her neck and pulled her deeper into the kiss, pressing their bodies together – this was how it was supposed to _feel, _the kiss, the hold. This one moment right now felt like quenching an unquenchable thirst. _God _she had missed her so much… Arizona dug her fingers into the back of Callie's neck as though to keep her there, _right there_ – in her arms – _forever_.

The rapid, shallow breaths amidst their kisses mingled with the thunder like an eccentric orchestra… Arizona rejoiced in the taste of those carnal lips and that haunting scent, she felt lightheaded– a reminiscent tension built in the pit of her stomach as she immediately felt the temperature of Callie's soft hands enter her wet jacket as they grazed her sides and ran up her rib cage; she intuitively let her tongue slide through those marvelous lips into her mouth, seeking closeness deeper than this instant. Callie responded as Arizona felt warm fingers slide up the hem of her soaking shirt and lay on the bare skin of her belly - but suddenly - Callie pulled away from Arizona's mouth and dropped her head on the blonde's shoulder. Arizona felt her release a trembling sigh against the sensitive skin around her pulse point and involuntarily shuddered in reply. Suddenly, warm water trickled on the skin in the crest of her neck as she heard Callie gasp between sobs and felt her own heart sink. She absorbed Callie's weight as the brunette's body melted into her own and fierce cries shook her body. Arizona unconsciously rubbed her palm along the length of Callie's back as the other hand lay buried in the dark locks of hair holding her close, her stomach turned at the thought of Callie weeping. Arizona burrowed her own nose in Callie's shoulder as she whispered in her ear,

"Hey - hey… it's okay, shh…" with that, she pressed her lips against Callie's jaw with every drop of love she could muster and gently pulled her toward the couch.

Arizona held Callie in her arms for she didn't know how long, stroking her hair until she felt Callie's trembling begin to subside. Callie pulled away. The two women rested their foreheads against each other's, Callie sniffled as she blinked through her tears and focused on the darkest shade of turquoise which rippled in Arizona's eyes as she stared back at her; Arizona cupped Callie's face in her palms to which Callie gently placed her own against the back of Arizona's hands and clutched them.

"I – I can't Arizona –"Callie's gaze dropped from the blonde's as she felt new tears forming.

Arizona felt a stab of panic and immediately tensed her hold, but Callie didn't let go.

"I can't stop missing you, and being mad at you and loving you –"Callie took a shaky breath in and let it out jadedly.

Arizona felt the knot in her stomach dissipate as she stroked Callie's face and pulled her hands into her lap,

"Callie…" she said in that soft, musical whisper which sent tingles down Callie's spine, "look at me." Arizona ducked her head to meet Callie's hesitant gaze. "I know – I _know _there's so much more for us to sort through – so much which I need to know and _so much _which you do… I make no promises about it being easy –"she licked her lips, "- I really don't – but I _want _us to try, I _want _us to fix it because I _know _I love you… "Her own voice cracked, but not with indecision – rather, realization. "And I don't want to lose you Callie."

Callie took a sharp breath in and unknowingly squeezed Arizona's hands as she let out a wistful chuckle at the irony,

"That's – I – uh – I don't want to lose you either but – you have to understand I _know _how it feels to lose you and I _know _I won't survive it –"she shook her head self-deprecatingly.

"You won't have to – you – you won't because this time – this time we'll talk… about _everything_." Arizona held on to the dark brown gaze and smiled her slightest smile raising her eyebrows, "- we'll do everything we didn't before and we'll talk, we'll – about how I feel _and _how you feel. About the crash and my leg and you and me and Nick and – and Mark and –"she swallowed, "- and Lauren." Arizona felt Callie involuntarily flinch at the last part and rubbed her thumbs across the back of Callie's hands to bring her back.

Callie's eyes scanned Arizona's face as they traced every feature and settled on her lips, then back to her eyes again. Her eyebrows narrowed, a sign she was intent in thought. In that one instant, as she watched the blonde, that _super magic _smile and that periwinkle twinkle in her eyes – she saw the old Arizona - the one who wheeled around the corridors, the one who loved donuts, and had "authority issues"; and Callie couldn't help a small smile tug at her lips… for the first time she didn't miss her because the woman she loved was right in front of her… the thought terrified her _and _made her feel _absolutely _giddy.

Arizona placed her hand on Callie's forearm and held on to it as she continued talking.

"I – Callie I'm, I'm not okay about certain things, I know I have issues and I'm working through them, it's hard and –"she shook her head as she moved her hand across Callie's arm to the joint of her hip and waist and lay it there, "- and you're, well you'll know what I mean about – things are not the same." If Callie hadn't looked up, in that one heartbeat, she would have missed that flash of something… dark across Arizona's face as she said the last few words – but it was gone before it came.

Callie bit her bottom lip as she listened and couldn't help but wonder _what _she could be referring to.

"There's a lot to solve Callie – about what happened and me – I – we'll talk this time… we'll fix us – together… we won't – I won't shut you out. Because as – as messed up as things have gotten – I still want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Arizona –"Callie shook her head as she looked into her eyes, "- it'll, it's going to take me time to –"she trailed off.

The blonde tilted her head toward the side as she looked compassionately toward Callie,

"I know – I know… but I'm willing to fight – to make sure you're here with me, I'm going to fight for you, I'm not too tired for it and _that _definitely hasn't changed –" her voice softened as she ran her hand over to Callie's waist, god she was beautiful, "Because I love you and you love me."

Callie felt her heart annunciate _every _strike against her ribs when she heard those words,

"- And none of the rest of it _matters_" Callie completed; a whisper more to herself than anybody else.

Maybe she did believe it after all…


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 14**

Breathe in. Breathe out.

The oxygen rich air enters your nostrils, then your pharynx, larynx, trachea, bronchi, bronchioles, enters the alveoli, the thin walled balloon structure surrounded by a cluster of blood capillaries, where the blood gets purified, the exchange of gases takes place through the semi-permeable walls of the blood vessels and the now carbon dioxide rich air is pushed back out the same way it came in, but in the opposite direction – alveoli, bronchioles, bronchi, trachea, larynx, pharynx and exits through your nostrils – all in a _heartbeat_.

It is basic tenth grade Life Science… but for Callie Torres - it was counting sheep, it was mapping the stars, it was hunting down Orion – whenever she couldn't sleep, when she had something on her mind, that is exactly what she did; she focused on her breathing, closed her eyes, inhaled through her nose, traced the journey of the oxygen… and exhaled.

Arizona had gotten paged; she had gotten a 911 page to the ER in the middle of the night, in the middle of _the _night, of _their _night – the night where she had told Callie she loved her, the night where Callie felt like she had discovered founded land, where she tasted Arizona's mouth again, when her breath hitched, when her body defied high-school biology – all in a _heartbeat_.

Callie lay in her bed staring at the ceiling, practicing the ritual she had for most of her life. Tonight had felt surreal. She had imagined a million different scenarios in her mind since the night of thestorm, she had tried to thwart them, but nonetheless, her brain had fantasized about this moment, about if Arizona would ever want her back, if she ever came back – and in _every _single depiction, Callie had walked away. She had practiced it and memorized it and rehearsed it more than a Broadway show – she had walked away. But tonight – when Arizona Robbins walked into her apartment, drenched, when she _fought _with her, when she grabbed her hand, when she said her name – Callie couldn't walk away… she just couldn't. She was no stranger to hurt, being hurt by George, by Erica, by her mother – but nothing felt like this, _nothing_ on this planet felt like it had when she thought she lost Arizona, and as hard as it was to admit, the only thing which scared her more was the thought of walking away tonight.

Callie knew she needed to be cautious and steady, she had to think with intellect and reason, with logic and mind, yes or no, right or wrong, black or white – but when she looked at her, when she saw the innocent _honor _in those navy blue eyes… just like that, everything blurred into shades of grey.

They had to talk about things though, about _a lot_, about things which may change her mind – there were questions left to be answered and emotions left to be remedied, it was going to be hard and it was going to be painful – but Callie wanted it, she didn't know why and she didn't know how – but she _wanted _it.

Callie had no clue as to what she was going to do – her head was being loud, obnoxious and just plain annoying. She inhaled a massive breath of air and theatrically exhaled as she animatedly closed her eyes and laid her arms to the side. As of now, she knew what she had to do, she would control her mind, she would shut it the hell up and do what she knew best – make it rant biology.

Pharynx.

**_Arizona._**

Larynx.

**_Arizona._**

Trachea.

**_Arizona._**

Bronchi.

_"__Because I love you Calliope!" Oh god, she'd really said that..._

Bronchioles.

**_Arizona._**

Dammit. This was **not **working.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

#

It had been a crappy day – it was barely seven thirty in the morning, so the day hadn't even started yet – but for surgeons, when you have to scrub in and glove up and get clean and sterile and shiny, when you have to cut into innocent people's flesh with a very sharp blade, when you have to stitch them back up and fix them so they won't die? It doesn't matter if the sun is up or not – you are – and so it's a day… today was a day and it was _crappy_.

Arizona Robbins did not like crappy days – they were sad and irritating and dark and just plain bad, but she'd been having a lot of them lately. So much so, that she didn't really call crappy days crappy anymore because those were her new normal, which is why this particular day stood out as a crappy one… because for the first time in what felt like an eternity, last night, with Callie, she had a moment – a glimmering dent in the black hole of _normal _days – when she felt alive, when she felt Callie's touch on her skin, when she felt _love_… really, truly, _madly_ felt _love_.

The Head of Pediatric Surgery being paged 911 to the ER in the middle of the night was almost always a bad sign – it meant sick, hurt, _wounded_ children – _physically_ injured tiny humans… it always made Arizona's heart race and not the good kind of race… but this morning had been an exception, after feeling Callie's tongue push against her own, after breathing into that thick black hair, after hearing Callie, her wife, her love, her _life_ say "I love you too…" - her heart beat, it beat with a rhythm she had almost forgotten.

All Arizona wanted to do this _very _moment as she had her hands on a 12 year old girl's rupturing spleen was to sit down and think about last night – think about Callie… but she couldn't because of the dying child and the bleeding body parts. That is basically how the entire day went, she ran in and out of OR's, in and out of bodies, in and out of spleens… some survived, some didn't.

The sun came up and went back down again – but that day didn't end.

Arizona had spent days, weeks, months putting on a desperately true smile, uttering _the _most contrived words, to her patients, parents, friends… to _herself_ – it felt like blindly following a robotic, detached, poorly written script; but it had sunk into her bones now, she didn't even have to think before making her face muscles contract and relax to pull into something she remembered to look like a smile. Which is why Arizona had no idea what had gotten into her this morning when she said it, when she told Callie she was in love with her– it was one of those things which just fell out of her mouth, with volatile spontaneity… and what was _even _stranger was that nothing had felt more natural than those three words – they had settled on her tongue like whiskey on nerves… it had felt _right_ and she knew right there and then that she wanted to spend the rest of her life saying them.

In spite of the epiphany-esque realization which had jolted Arizona – at the same time – she also knew that she couldn't _completely_ deviate from reality and the reality was that she had to speak with Callie – she _needed _to talk to her because she wanted to be honest, about what they would be getting into, she wanted to _deserve _Callie's trust again… but in the process, she also wanted to heal, she wanted to figure herself out, to _understand_ why she did what she did, why she _felt _the way she felt. Admittedly, it was an overwhelming thought.

She ran the tips of her fingers along the rim of her third – or seventh – cup of coffee as she sat in the dark, surprisingly empty Attending's Lounge. An SUV carrying six children and a soccer mom had skid on the freeway, in the storm – a storm which still showed no signs of letting up - and flipped over a cargo truck – it had been messy, bloody and _very _painful – thus the crappiness of the non-day day. Arizona had had back-to-back surgeries all morning and consequentially all day. Fortunately, the initial trauma of the crash had been dealt with and now all the residents and Fellows on Arizona's service were cutting away in OR's… she finally found a moment to sit, breathe, and absorb last night.

With the help of Dr. Wyszynski, she had come to conclude that a significant part of her stress owed to an emotion which made her _afraid – afraid_ of losing Callie – afraid of what would happen once Callie digested the preliminary shock of the crash and came to the realization that the marks left on her wife were more permanent than she anticipated.

It was something that she was scared to accept herself and she didn't know _how _Callie would react – to how she had become, to how her mind screamed louder than _she_ had when the bone ripped through her flesh, how it ran colder than the winds which made the aluminum of the airplane screech against the branches of the tree, how it stung like the metallic taste of blood in her mouth, how it scared her more than the bottomless darkness of that forest… and how _sometimes_… it felt like it was actually happening all over again. That is when she woke up, drenched in sweat – coughing to get her punctured lung to inflate again, amplifying her pale pupils to see through the stifling blackness, swallowing through the bitter blood to not vomit from the convulsing throb in her leg, crying uncontrollably because she was so alone – yes that is when she woke up… only to discover she wasn't really awake.

How would Callie feel about the fact that her wife had to bite her lip to keep from screaming or just collapsing catatonic on the floor every time she heard the thunder, or heard a door bang too loudly, or a dog barked… or smelled fuel, or saw smoke– and the list went on and on. The part where these 'instances' were increasing was just the icing on the cake.

Arizona had come to an agreement with her psychiatrist; this would be her first step with Callie, uninhabited, unabashed honesty… she would lay it all in the open and that would be that.

But then again, this side of her… the scary, twisted, _damaged_ side – would Callie want it?

Arizona rested her elbows on the table and rubbed her temple hoping for her mind to rectify whatever it was concocting. She glanced over the clock and for a second wondered if she was hallucinating when she read it as 8:30 PM… how the hell had the day gone? She hesitantly rummaged through her bag and took out an orange prescription bottle; popped half a Diazepam into her mouth. She took a deep breath in and folded her arms across the table resting her head on it… maybe she would get some sleep until the next time her pager beeped.

"Arizona?"

No reply.

"Dr. Robbins?"

Arizona slowly raised her head at the woman's voice, how long had she been asleep? She forced her eyes open to look at her… and suddenly, her stomach twisted into painful knots,

"Doc – Dr. Boswell?" it came out like a hoarse croak.

"Arizona… I think we're past 'doctor'" she said playfully with a friendly chuckle.

Arizona squirmed in her seat when the familiar wave of stress began to roll through her body pressing on the back of her head making it groan in pain,

"Doct- umm…" she swallowed, "what are you doing here?" it was a little louder than a whisper.

"I – I'm leaving Arizona…" Lauren's amused expression from before sobered as olive green eyes bore into drowsy blue ones; the olive green eyes which had looked _exactly_ the same from between her legs that night.

"Oh…" Arizona didn't really hear her through the nausea she was for some reason feeling; she could smell Lauren, the blend of her perfume and her natural scent, it transported her back to that night… the night of the storm, it was a blend of mandarin and… and something – it was making her queasy,

"Wait what?"

"I'm leaving for –"Lauren knitted her eyebrows, "- to Boston… a position opened up at Harvard Med. for a Craniofacial surgeon, they are offering it and I mean – who says no to that?" she said as her eyes hopefully searched Arizona's features for _some_ resemblance to sadness or regret… or even longing – but sighed in her head when her gaze came back with nothing but confused indifference.

"That's – it's wonderful Lauren." Arizona mustered a slight smile as one of her hands dug into her left thigh to numb the sudden sharp throb running through it.

Just when Arizona thought things couldn't get any worse… the thunder bellowed and her hands unconsciously gripped the edge of the table.

"Are you okay? Arizona?" Lauren didn't miss the flinch in Arizona's expression as she stepped closer.

"Mmm… yeah yeah, yup – mhmm… I'm good, it's just the rain and – and the cold, I'm good, you should go Lauren – you should… go to Boston." Arizona tried to meet the green gaze as her fingers bore into her flesh, dammit, she'd been on her leg too long.

Lauren sensed Arizona's obvious discomfort and hesitantly took a step back as she walked towards the door, but abruptly stopped and turned around,

"Arizona?"

"Hmm?" the noise came from somewhere in her chest as she struggled to look back up; her nails were probably leaving half-moons in her thigh by now.

"I –"Lauren licked her lips and smiled sheepishly, "- I'm sorry… for everything – but, I'll hate myself if I don't say this –"she tilted her head thoughtfully, "I will miss you."

Arizona pursed her lips as she felt the pressure on her hind brain increase,

"Goodbye Lauren."

Lauren smiled wistfully as she took a step back, then another one – until she finally left the room. Something about her brought back _every _sad, angry, confused, lonely, guilty emotion Arizona had.

Arizona suddenly exhaled the breath she realized she'd been holding on to and a small whimper escaped her mouth as her leg began screaming louder for attention. She needed to lie down. With the support of the table, Arizona got up and felt another sharp stab of hurt in her leg as she rested some weight on it… nonetheless, she began walking towards the door – she needed to find an On-call room.

The blonde stumbled through the hallway trying to keep a neutral expression – this was one of her small panic attacks, she recognized it now – where her chest constricted and her stomach turned and it became difficult to breathe – probably a result of the sleep deprivation, exhaustion and the Diazepam - she would _have _to find a solitary place. Arizona turned the knob of the nearest On-call room she could find and practically leapt into the dark room but recoiled as fast as she entered when she heard a zealous squeal from somewhere on the bottom bunk… and ran out of there – April Kepner a virgin? _My ass_.

She inevitably followed the suffocating path of the corridor and went up the stairs where she took the opportunity to slow her gait when the loud crowds in the hallways began to thin out – _oh thank god_ – an On-Call room… she mentally crossed her fingers hoping she wouldn't walk into something like just now.

Arizona eagerly gripped the handle and turned it, subconsciously absolving a relieved sigh when no inappropriate moans were heard – as she stepped in and closed the door… she took a moment to catch that rapidly running breath propping herself on the door with her eyes closed and laid her palms flat alongside the wooden door resting her forehead against it.

_What was that?_

It sounded like a trifled mixture between a throaty gasp and a sound she couldn't identify – it was _very _familiar though… painfully familiar.

She spun around and froze.

Her eyes didn't know what to capture – a part of her heart raced like a schizophrenic mind when she saw the ravishing brunette standing before her. She was wearing a dark burgundy, sheath dress which provided an unreal blend and simultaneous contrast to that glistening honey colored skin; it was a dress Arizona had seen her wear a thousand times, it was a dress she had seen her remove a thousand times, it was a dress that had made her blood rush a thousand times. Her dark brown hair flowed off of her shoulders and laid on the slope of her breasts… those magnificent breasts which provided an unfairly generous amount of cleavage through that sequined sweetheart neckline… her rich lips matched the shade of that scandalous drape; those sparkling, bottomless eyes which amplified at the sight of cobalt ones were enough to replace that platinum thread-thin necklace strung through that diamond laying in the valley of her chest… she looked _extraordinary_. Yes – a part of Arizona's heart raced at the sight before her – but another part halted dead cold when she saw the other brunette sitting on the bottom bunk, a brunette excruciatingly similar to a _very _well-known Visiting Pediatric Surgeon… also to the woman who the pretty lady had slept with, the pretty lady who was her wife… which made the other pretty lady Jennifer Lockhart – and they both were _very _dressed up in a dark On-Call room.

Also, Arizona had been staring – no, gawking – a little too long now. Wait! No, _crap_, what the hell was she doing!?

"I – I'm s-_so _sorry… I should have knocked!" the two stunned brunettes probably didn't hear the last few words of that sentence because Arizona slammed the door shut as she rebounded out the room.

She paced through the maze of corridors until her legs abruptly arrested and she leaned against the wall desperately trying to digest what just happened; her head spun and throbbed and parts of her body which didn't even exist anymore seemed to shriek with the loudest shrill… oh yes and that little part of her life – last night - which made all the pain worth it? That vanished too – in a _heartbeat._

A _crappy _day, indeed.

#

**Thank you so much for reading and reviewing the story! I'm sorry this update was a little later than usual but school started and I'm completely drowning in projects and homework and all that jazz – anyways… I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, let me know what you thought! **

**I'll try to update ASAP :D**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: **

**Hey, guys I understand the ending of Chapter 14 was shocking and really not what you all expected… plus a little bit confusing because they were making such good progress and then what the hell? You all have got lots of questions. But, trust me, that plot choice is very important for the proper closure and development of this story. Plus, these ladies deserve the most complex story out there – they love each other but I won't make it easy for them :P (sorry) Although, I ****_can_**** tell you – the sad ending of this chapter is as good as a promise of a happier one for the next chapter (*hint*hint*). **

**Anyways, I hope you guys stick around… let me know what you liked and what you didn't. Reviews are super ****_super_**** appreciated. Have a great day :)**

**I'll update very soon…**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 15: **

**Earlier that day**

Callie Torres lay awake in bed for she didn't know how long until she drifted off into an inconsistent, erratic stupor somewhere around four A.M. – which wasn't too much before her daughter woke her up at about 8 O' clock in the morning. Callie had woken up incoherent and groggy – she vaguely remembered taking a pill to help her sleep some time before the third sheet of rain fell from the sky, and judging by the sounds of it, the storm was as persistent as ever.

She threw her legs off the bed when she heard her daughter cry from the other room – damn thunder. Her eyes required a lot of squinting to readjust to their surroundings. She ran her hands through her knotted hair as her mind tried to recall the events of last night like a far-off dream. There was rain… there was thunder… there was… she rubbed her temple – Arizona! Arizona, there was Arizona. Arizona had been there – she was… wet? She was angry and she – she had said she loved her… right before kissing her. That's right! Oh my god… she had kissed her… Callie lightly ran her fingers along her own lips and took a deep breath in, enriching in the memory of the blonde's taste. She secretly hoped it had been real and not just a wretched dream – _wouldn't be the first time_.

From that point on, her head surprisingly recalled every detail of that eventful night and slowly but surely connected the dots as it taped the pieces together. Callie's eyes succeeded to comprehend the clock after only two failed attempts as she read the neon 8:07 glaring on the nightstand.

_What the hell was that shrieking!?_

_Oh crap… Sofia._

Callie hastily stumbled out of bed as she ran to the nursery and scooped her crying daughter out of her crib; her pink fuzzy blanket was still wrapped around the little girl as Sofia clung on to her Mommy and dug her face into the valley of her breasts. Callie instinctively squeezed her daughter as she soothingly rubbed her hand along the shaking girl's back,

"Hey, hey, hey sweetie –"Callie whispered, "- shh… it's okay, Mommy's here… shh… baby" Callie rocked Sofia gently in her arms as she rhythmically walked around the dark room; still recovering from her irresolute sleep.

"It's sho – "the little girl began sobbing again as she fastened her grip around Callie's neck, "- it's thunda'!" she managed to choke out.

"I know – I know baby, thunder, it's loud and scary. But you're a big girl right?" Callie urged her daughter's face up as she tried to meet her teary gaze with an animatedly happy one.

Sofia seemed to ponder the question a bit before vigorously shaking her head – affirmative. Before Callie could respond to the little girl's innocently contrived bravery, another loud clap of thunder sent her back into a bout of sobs.

Callie rubbed her cheek against the girl's soft black hair,

"Mhmm… honey, what happened to being a big girl?" she playfully nudged in a husky whisper.

"I am big!" Sofia yelled through her cries.

"Well big girls aren't afraid of thunder!" Callie childishly replied; she knew the light, competitive banter always brought her daughter out of her funk.

"Yesh they are!" she hiccupped, "Big gulls cwy!" her head snapped up to show the naïve fire in her teary eyes.

"Do not!" Callie scrunched her face.

"Do too!" she retorted; hands still wrapped securely around her Mommy.

"Nuh – uhh!"

"Mama's not a big gull?" Sofia's expression went from angry to perplexed in the blink of an eye; she had the attention span of a goldfish.

Callie's expression matched her daughter's confused one as she tilted her head to meet her gaze,

"Yes she is Sof – why honey?"

"Well –"the little girl knitted her eyebrows in a way which made Callie's mouth turn into an amused grin, "- Mama cwies too! In thunda'" the girl rested her case.

Callie raised her eyebrows curiously,

"Well Mama's a big baby!" Callie said with a slight chuckle as she remembered Arizona's compulsive need to snuggle during thunderstorms, "Plus – Mama doesn't cry, she's just a scaredy cat" Callie nuzzled her nose into her daughter's neck.

"Does too!" the little girl needed to have the last word; after all, she was Callie's daughter.

"Does not!"

"Yesh she does!" Sofia said with so much conviction Callie had to look up at her.

"When did she cry Sof?" Callie knitted her eyebrows as she realized her daughter was being _very _serious; as serious as a toddler can get anyways.

"In thunda' I told you!" she said as though it was the most obvious answer.

"No- no baby… I mean when did _you _last see her cry… for – in the thunder?" Callie didn't know why she felt the need to hear this answer.

Sofia seemed to be thinking really hard as she furrowed her eyebrows and tapped her finger against her chin,

"Mmm… when Zola got a boo-boo and Mama pick me up – and she was sweeping – but she was cwying because the thunda' is scawy and big gulls cwy!" it was a high pitched drawl which she managed to excitedly get out in one long breath.

"That was last week Sofia…" she said more to herself than anybody else; Callie couldn't help the sudden knot which formed in her stomach.

"Sho? I'm a big gull!" the little girl was completely oblivious to the sudden change in her Mother's air.

Callie thought back to Arizona's reaction to the thunder last night – she had flinched, a _lot_. But, that didn't have to mean anything; the woman had to cling on to Callie every time they watched Nightmare on Elm Street for god's sake. Still, crying in a thunderstorm? Maybe her daughter was just being overly colorful in an attempt to build her defense… what if she wasn't? Had Arizona reached the hospital alright?

She had flinched – _a lot_.

Before Callie could get deeper into thought a loud ringing blended with the rumbling of the clouds snapped her back into reality. She carried her daughter into her bedroom and placed her on the bed. Sofia instinctively burrowed deep into the comforter as she watched her Mommy rummage hastily through her dresser to find the incessantly ringing cell-phone.

"Hello?" her voice still hoarse with sleep.

"Hey! Hope I didn't wake you…" whoa – Jennifer definitely sounded like a morning person.

"Oh Jennifer – hey… I no – no I was awake." Callie cleared her throat.

"Mhmm… if you say so –"she teased playfully, "- anyways, I have surgery at Seattle Pres. in an hour so I was wondering, last night, did you think about it?"

"What!?" it came out a little more alarmed than she intended and Callie mentally slapped herself in the face when she realized what the woman was talking about.

"Umm… the dinner? Tonight? You, me, fancy restaurant – you said you'd get back to me… ring a bell?" Jennifer musically chanted.

"Oh! Right that… umm…" Callie closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead as she paced around the room.

"Wow you're really not a morning person, are you?" Jennifer said with a slight chortle.

"No no - I am I just –" she exhaled, "- no I really am not" she relented with a laugh, "- I, okay. Let's go to dinner tonight but –"

"Okay, great! I have some really exciting news by the way so let's go somewhere really, _really _nice like the space ne –"

"Jennifer." Callie interrupted.

"Yeah?"

"Umm… we need to talk too I – uh – I mean I need to tell you something too…" Callie tried to keep her tone as light as possible.

"Okay – a good something or a bad something?" it amazed Callie how the woman's confidence didn't falter for a second.

"A – it's –" Callie was _not _about to do this off the phone, "- we'll talk, tonight."

"Kay' great… Space Needle. I'll pick you up from work at around 8? It's on the way anyways." Jennifer sobered a little.

"Sounds like a plan"

"See you then?" Jennifer said hopefully.

"See you then." Callie tried to conjure up _some _enthusiasm as she hung up.

She let out a huge breath and collapsed onto the bed exhaustedly.

"What happen Mommy?"

Callie turned her head to the innocent voice with an exasperated groan,

"Sof… being a big girl _really_ sucks."

#

* * *

Callie's day had gone by much faster than she would have liked. A storm – a _Seattle _storm – meant rain, thunder, lightning, wet roads - very wet, _slippery_ roads and many people revolting against the use of seatbelts… well that last bit wasn't pertinent only to the weather – anyhow, all this culminated into lots of broken bones and thus lots of surgery. Callie had been scrubbing in and out of the O.R. every hour… for surgeries ranging from everything from a painfully dislocated pelvis to a crushed scull. On any given day, Callie would have practically orgasmed for a roster like this one – but today, she had wanted the day to be as slow and mundane as possible – she wanted time, time to plan that ridiculous rant she had scheduled for tonight.

Despite all that nervousness – through all the bones she broke and glued back together, through all the bodies and blood and guts her hands cut through – she found herself hoping to turn the corner to see a certain blonde, pediatric surgeon. She didn't know why and just thinking about it scared her… Callie really didn't want to get attached just yet… but then again, when had she _not _been attached to the woman? Whatever last bit of perseverance and resilience she held on to not fall madly into the abyss of those blue eyes had completely dissolved and evaporated after that kiss, and those words, and that touch last night… Callie couldn't stop thinking about it. She wanted to talk to Arizona, really, _really _badly. For the first time in she didn't know _how _long – Callie wanted to hear every syllable that came out of the blonde's mouth… but that didn't mean she wouldn't make the vitality of communication _painfully _apparent to Arizona. Callie couldn't help but wonder if they could _actually _come back from this or were they just trying to mend something far beyond repair? The thought made her shudder.

Even as she walked down the hospital skywalk, even as she tried to ignore the admiring stares of passersby, even as she paced in her high heels as her _very _clingy dress incessantly cleaved her curves – she secretly hoped to run into Arizona – Arizona loved this dress.

"Wow…"

"Hey" Callie stopped dead in her tracks as Jennifer met her halfway along the luminescent skywalk.

"Wow… you…" she shook her head, "- wow" she involuntarily raised her eyebrows and very visibly raked her eyes over the length of Callie's body.

"I take it you liked the dress?" Callie smiled sheepishly.

"Mmm… something like that" the words trailed off as she quickly closed the distance between them and pecked a sloppy kiss on Callie's lips while brushing her fingers along the steep curve of her hips; if she noticed the awkward response from the brunette, she didn't show it.

Callie slightly pulled back as she contrived a nervous husky laugh,

"You – you look very pretty too Jennifer" it came out as a breathy song.

Jennifer knowingly raised her eyebrows, "Hmm… shall we?" She stepped aside motioning towards the staircase.

Callie anxiously began walking with a plastered smile which hurt her face; she wanted to get through this dinner before bringing anything up, but it seemed much easier said than done.

"Everything okay Callie?" Jennifer enquired in a light tone as she inspected the uneasy brunette.

"Yeah, yeah… everything's just fine." Callie smiled; her heart beat coincidentally with a rhythm resembling the click-clack of their stilettoes against the white marble.

Reading that expressive face wasn't a hardship, but Jennifer decided to drop it for now,

"Seriously though Callie – you look… amazing. I mean every time I see you, I'm like okay 'She can't get hotter than this' and you are even more beautiful ev –"Jennifer was cut off when Callie abruptly halted halfway across their trail.

Callie seemed to have been electrocuted and then frozen into place as she stared straight ahead; with a significant, yet wide-eyed look; no, she really couldn't do this.

Jennifer rarely lost her stability… now was one of those times, although she didn't show it.

Slowly stepping closer, she touched Callie's forearm and squeezed it, her own heart began to quicken now,

"Hey…" she softened her voice, "-Callie?"

Callie's head struggled to co-ordinate with the rest of her body so all she could do is grab Jennifer's hand and tug on it,

"I –" Callie dropped her gaze and then dragged it back up to the other woman's eyes, "- I, can we talk? Jennifer… please?" it was a trembling plea.

"Of course Callie –" Jennifer felt the stress in her abdomen dissolve as her lips curved into a smile, "- you scared me for a second –" she sobered as she pondered the increasing glaze over Callie's eyes and her hand automatically reached up to cup her cheek, "- are you okay? Callie…"

Callie squeezed the hand in her palm as she tightened her lips and licked them,

"Can we just – I have to talk… I _need _to talk."

Jennifer nodded slowly; eyebrows still knitted with knowing confusion, "Okay, okay." Something about Callie's vulnerability made Jennifer want to hold her and protect her from _whatever_ she was feeling.

Callie mustered a tight smile, dropping her hand, she signaled for Jennifer to follow her.

The two women walked in practical silence; nothing but apprehensive heartbeats and high-heels resonating from the corridors as they entered a dark On-Call room.

Jennifer patiently waited for Callie to gather her thoughts as she sat down on the bottom bunk; her eyes focused on Callie's obvious anxiety as she paced around the room and then settled as she stood in the middle of the tiny chamber facing the bunk.

"Well – the Seattle Grace On-call rooms are famous or I should say _infamous_ all throughout medical history –" Jennifer softly said with a chuckle, "- we hear everything all the way back at Cleveland…" she hoped to break the unbearable silence.

Callie seemed to relax a little as she finally made eye-contact with Jennifer,

"Yeah- it's – they're –" she swallowed, her eyes full of tension, "- you can get pregnant just walking in here… or syphilis – that – it actually happened –" she trailed off, taking an unnecessarily deep breath in; clearly ignoring the elephant in the room.

Jennifer seemed to respond to Callie's willingness to at least talk; although, she knew what was coming,

"Something tells me we won't be getting pregnant in here tonight… or syphilis for that matter…" she raised her eyebrows with a pensive smile; her voice shaky, for the first time.

Callie sucked on her bottom lip as she self-deprecatingly shook her head and exhaled loudly,

"No –" she chuckled thickly, "no we won't" Callie ran her hands through her hair and willed herself to look back up to the brunette, "I am –"

She was stopped mid-sentence as both women startlingly spun around to the sound of the door being pushed open and slammed shut just as quickly when someone entered the dark room.

Everything went silent, dark, subconscious silence when the only thing that was audible was the alarmingly heavy breathing of the oblivious stranger; the oblivious stranger with soft blonde hair, hair which Callie knew all too well; before her brain caught up with her eyes, she felt her breath catch in her throat as the woman turned around to face her… and that blizzard indigo storming beneath those stunned irises sunk into her own.

_Arizona_

All three women seemed to be stilled into place as they maintained their stance; the only thing Callie felt move was the painful pounding against her ribs. Her mind suddenly absorbed what this must look like. She wanted to move, she wanted to breathe, she _wanted _to stop Arizona when she saw her lips move but couldn't seem to comprehend what the words meant… and she _wanted_ to chase after her when she disappeared behind the door in the blink of an eye.

Callie and Jennifer stayed motionless for neither one knew how long before Callie managed to swallow through the unreal shock and turned to look at Jennifer who looked equally astonished, but it was astonishment laced with realization.

"It's – it's her isn't it?" Jennifer whispered wistfully.

Callie couldn't seem to respond but her eyes seemed to do all the talking,

"Go…" Jennifer murmured under her breath.

* * *

**Present**

Callie willed her stunned limbs to move as she stared at the seldom thrown Jennifer.

"Jeniff –"Callie began to ruefully choke out but was stopped by the other woman,

"Just… go, Callie" She smiled contemplatively.

Callie knew she needed to talk to Jennifer; this little dinner had _definitely _not gone as she planned, but right now, she had to find Arizona.

Callie tried to give Jennifer a contrite, apologetic look which seemed to be hastily accepted by the slightest of nods as Callie breathily spun around and raced out the door.

She paced through the labyrinth of a hospital as her eyes searched for any signs of Arizona. Neither her choice of footwear, nor apparel seemed to slow her down.

_Crap. Where the hell was she?!_

Callie abruptly stopped as she rounded the O.R. schedule board and her gaze caught a sulking Alex Karev,

"Karev!" she yelled across the hallway.

"Hmm?" he groaned up from his chart but didn't slow his gait.

"Karev! Hey! Stop!" she somehow jogged up to him grabbing his elbow.

"Dude, what?" he furrowed his eyebrows, irritated.

"Have you seen –" she tried to catch that running breath, " – Arizona? Did you see her?"

"I don't know Torres –"Alex grunted, even more annoyed; he stopped when he saw an exceptionally chipper April Kepner skipping down the hallway and mentally cringed at the image,

"Hey Kepner!"

"What's up Alex?" she spun around with _that _smile.

"Umm… Dr. Robbins? You seen her?"

Callie and Alex watched April's face turn as red as her hair but she quickly brushed it off,

"Umm… umm… yeah! Actually she – I just saw her next to the research library!" voice a contrived, yet painful high-pitch.

Callie didn't think to thank either of the young doctors as she raced towards April Kepner's instructed location of her wife; she patrolled around the hospital mumbling expletives to herself.

Callie rounded the startlingly quiet corner when her eye caught the woman she was looking for leaning fatigued against the wall; her blonde hair wavier than ever.

"Arizona!" Callie didn't know if it was a whisper or a scream as she practically ran across the empty corridor.

Arizona's eyes were closed and her chest portrayed shallow breaths.

"Arizona?" Callie was meters away from the blonde when she slowly opened her eyes and managed to control that erratic respiration as she turned to face the panting brunette.

"Callie…" it was a relieved whisper lined with slight apprehension, "I – I'm sorry… I'm sorry."

Callie furrowed her eyebrows, puzzled, as her eyes tried to read Arizona,

"Wh- what? Why are _you_ sorry? I should be!" Callie started babbling as she panted for air, "- I, you didn't know – hell I didn't know! But, I was – Jennifer and I, I just wanted to tell her that it was done and I'm with –"

"Callie… it's okay – you don't owe me an explanation…" Arizona intercepted; in the blink of an eye, she was eerily calm… and if the uncanny tranquility wasn't unsettling enough, that absurd smile on her _definitely _face was.

"Wha – Of course I do I –" Callie was _completely _thrown – this was _not _Arizona, "- I do! You deserve to know the truth and I don't wanna' hurt you so –"

This time, Callie's rant was halted by the alarming screaming of Arizona's pager. She quickly unhooked the little black beeper from her scrubs and winced at what it read,

"Dammit – my post-op. I gotta' go Callie…" Arizona began walking in the other direction, away from the stunned brunette before turning around and shooting her another smile which didn't quiet reach her eyes, "- really, it's okay."

Callie stood in the middle of the empty hallway; dumbfounded.

She couldn't help but notice the _ever so_ _slight _limp in Arizona's gait.

#

* * *

Callie drove aimlessly – the wipers of her car desperately losing the battle against the sharp sheet of rain barraging her hazy windshield. The radio hummed silently with the occasional white noise… uncannily resembling the clatter of rain against metal.

_Something was wrong with Arizona…_

After their little, unsettling meet near the research library, one of Callie's patients had coded… so she had to scrub back into surgery. Fortunately the 27 year old trauma patient had pulled through. But the joy didn't last too long when she scrubbed out about an hour later, to find out Arizona was gone. She had looked everywhere, every floor and every O.R. - eventually discovering she had clocked out more than half hour ago.

_Something was not right_… And she intended to find out what it was.

So maybe she wasn't driving aimlessly after all.

Callie pulled up next to the drowning curb and ran under the safety of the awning of a _very _familiar building; despite her hasty retreat, she managed to get her hair almost soaking wet. Right now, she didn't really give a crap about the very beautiful, very _expensive _dress she donned getting very wet.

Running her hands through that drenched hair, she hurriedly entered lobby and up the stairs… she was going to talk to Arizona, she loved the woman for God's sake, she was _going _to talk to her.

"Open the door Arizona!" Callie banged an open fist across the blue door; her clingy, damp dress and the high-heeled shoes boring into her ankle were really starting to get to her and she was _not _in the mood to deal with this.

"Open the hell up or I swear to God I'm gonna' –" before she could complete that rising, _loud _sentence, the door swung open and her eyes caught an unreadable blonde standing in the dimly lit room with one hand holding the door open and the other one clenching a glass thumb-dip in red wine.

Arizona was wearing tight, black yoga pants and a thin, loose-fitting, grey colored, long-sleeved t-shirt which slightly fell off one shoulder; Callie mentally slapped herself across the face to stop drooling at that small window of creamy white skin she could see from where the t-shirt slid off her arm… oh God she'd had her way with Arizona in this shirt – in _only _this shirt so many times…

_No. Shut up Callie and focus_

She took a deep breath in as she willed her eyes from not further inspecting the blonde's attire.

_She'd had Arizona writhing beneath her… in only this shirt – minus the shirt._

Arizona's face was incomprehensible – but not the good kind of incomprehensible.

_And! No bra! What the hell!? Was this woman trying to murder her!?_

Focus.

Before Callie could further slip into her sexual reverie, Arizona's voice snapped her back to reality.

"What…" Arizona annunciated the 't' under her breath as she quickly raked her eyes over Callie's body and her expression seemed to harden.

Callie _literally _felt like her tongue got caught in her throat – all the words she wanted to get out dissolved somewhere in her chest the moment she saw Arizona's demeanor. It didn't add up… her body seemed guarded and uninviting, her face hardened into an indifferent expression – on the other hand, she seemed desperately vulnerable, that constricted voice which meant she was trying to choke back emotion, and those navy blue eyes which couldn't seem to hide the fact that she'd been crying… a lot.

"Arizona…" Callie choked out; that _confident_, passionate Arizona from last night with that fight and _fire _in her eyes seemed to have completely disappeared.

"You're wet" Arizona swallowed, her resolute gaze concentrated on brown ones, "- you're – wet."

Callie softened her voice,

"Can I come in?"

Arizona responded merely by dropping her hand off the door and making room for the brunette to enter.

Callie stepped into the dark apartment and shut the door behind her.

Arizona stepped back, staring at Callie.

"What's wrong…?" Callie stated significantly.

Arizona didn't respond.

"What - is wrong, Arizona?" she annunciated every word as her husky voice rose with emotion.

"I'm fine…" was the meek, apathetic reply; as the blonde turned around and started walking into the house.

"Oh – oh you're fine Arizona!? You. Are. Fine!?" now she was yelling, unknowingly following the blonde further into the apartment,

Arizona continued walking, not acknowledging the angry brunette following her.

_What the hell was Arizona's problem!?_

Callie raved on, even more pissed off.

"- so all that stuff about _communication _and _talking _and _fixing _us was just a bunch of bullshit right!? Because apparently you ARE FINEand I'm a daft lunatic for believing otherwise!" she laughed thickly, "Because you are _just fine_!" her nose flared with anger and she scoffed at the ridiculousness of the situation

"Yes, yes Callie I am _just fine_!" Arizona's ridiculing pitch matched Callie's as she whirled around and stomped closer to the startled brunette, "- I am fine because I am _fine_ with the thought of another woman _touching _you, I am fine with fighting over the urge of vomiting when I think about Jennifer Lockhart's hands all over your body! I AM FINE!" she leaned from her waist toward Callie, hands fisted.

Callie, much to her own dismay, felt all her anger dissipate in a matter of heartbeats, when she heard the crack in the blonde's voice.

"Arizona –" it was a stark contrast to her previous tone, "- why didn't you just –"

"Why didn't I say something!? Because I have no right to Callie! I don't!" she chuckled pitifully "Because _that –"_sheinhaled, "- that is _exactly _what I did to you!" her voice sloped but broke in the process; those blue eyes brimmed with water but she tried with all her might to retain that defensive air.

Callie dropped her gaze for a second before bringing it back up to the blonde's.

"I don't have any right to –" Arizona trailed off… whispering to herself as she dropped her head and nodded self-deprecatingly.

Callie could see her lips begin to quiver. It was disquieting how alone and stranded she looked; she never wanted to see her that way.

"Come here…" without a thought, Callie took a step forward and took the blonde into her arms as she firmly placed her hands around her waist and captured her lips in a soft, searing hold.

Arizona tensed for a fraction of an instant before melting into the brunette. Her own hands seemed to subconsciously find their way to the soft curve of Callie's waist as her fingers dug into the warm skin of her hips. Callie's luscious lips consumed Arizona's in moist, soft, erotic warmth; her strong arms slid up the blonde's slender waist and settled across her upper back pressing her soft body firmer against her own; Arizona instinctively strode her hands over Callie's sides, fingers entering wet, black hair pushing Callie deeper into the kiss. Once again, the hasty, shallow breathy combination of exhalations and inhalations seemed to provide worthy competition to the guttural rumbling of the sky. This kiss… it was – _indescribable._

Both women mutually separated their mouths for air but their faces remained inches apart. Arizona slightly tightened her hold on Callie when she felt her pull away, but relaxed when the brunette ran her hands over Arizona's sides pulling her closer… as though reading her insecure mind.

Their lower abdomens were pressed together as they continued staring into each other's eyes.

Callie's hot, rapid breath hit Arizona's lips in a way that made the blonde's knees weak. Her soft brown eyes rippled with a deep charcoal as they bore into deep, turquoise ones. Arizona couldn't help a rapidly rising wave of arousal overcome her body when she absorbed the way the soft, golden light glowed off of Callie's tan skin, her red lips. That ample chest rising and falling in a rhythm mimicking her own; plus, the brunette was soaking wet, a characteristic mimicking her own as well… she wanted to look at her forever.

"I was ending it with Jennifer – today – at dinner I was going to end it with her because…" Callie breathed the smoky words into Arizona's mouth, "… because I – because of you…" she shook her head with a thick chuckle, "… because I'm in love with you Arizona Robbins and – and things are hard and messed up - but I do, I love you"

Arizona's heart flipped.

Her now misty eyes dipped from Callie's eyes to her lips.

_She was so beautiful._

Callie sobered as she tugged on Arizona's body and continued,

"And I want to try – I do… because I just I _need _to try…"

Arizona wondered if Callie could hear her heart pound through her chest; she just stood frozen, staring at the brunette.

She felt a sudden well of emotion rise inside of her as she dropped her eyes and bit on her lips to still the tears she knew were coming.

_God, she loved Callie so much in this moment, she didn't think it was humanly possible._

"Okay…" was all she could muster. Clearing her throat, she shook her head to try and compose herself,

"You're all wet Callie –"desperate to divert her mind, "- I – I don't want you to catch a cold so… go change."

Arizona really didn't want to be this physically close to Callie right now, that suggestive kiss had been enough to send shockwaves to the most _sensitive _parts of her body and if she stayed too close to the sexy, wet brunette in the _very _sexy, wet dress – she might just have to rip it off – and she really wanted to _talk_ to Callie before any of that, Callie should know what she was getting into.

"Yeah…" Callie whispered, "I am… wet" she looked down at her dress and smiled sheepishly.

Arizona felt her breath catch in her throat at the words that came out of that mouth,

_The same mouth which looked so beautiful sucking on her tight nipples._

Shut up Arizona.

She felt her cheeks begin to flush at the thought.

She _needed_ to get away from Callie and take a cold shower or… you know? Go jump in the Atlantic to calm herself down.

"Ye – yeah –"clearing her throat, she tried to meet that alluring dark gaze, "– yeah, you change in here and I'm – I'm gonna' go put a pot of tea on…" she hastily turned to leave.

"Arizona you really don't have to do that – " Callie began following the blonde, "- I just barged in here and you –"

Callie stopped mid-sentence when Arizona turned around precariously,

"Callie…" she said in a soft voice offering a shaky smile, "… change, get out of those wet clothes and just pick something from the closet. I'm going to make some tea…"

Before Callie could respond, Arizona turned around and left the room.

Callie let out all the air held captive in her lungs in one huge breath when Arizona went out of view.

She slowly walked to the closet as she began taking her damp, _very _uncomfortable clothes off.

Slipping out her drenched coat, she unzipped her dress and subconsciously let out a sigh of relief at the sensation of the wet fabric loosening its grip on her body. Next, she lowered a couple of inches as she slipped out of those excruciating heels and whimpered in liberation.

Now, her brain began to slowly come out of its exhausted, shock induced coma and the events of the night began playing in Callie's head.

_"__I am… wet"_

Oh. My. Frickin'. God.

What the fuck was she thinking!?

But, then again… that look in Arizona's eyes? She would have to be blind and she still wouldn't have failed to recognize it from a mile away. But she couldn't afford to think about that right now, she would control herself – she was a grown woman _goddammit! _She could do that much…

Callie peeled the soggy garment off of her body and cringed at the feeling. She opened the closet to look for a towel to wipe down her damp, 'red panties and lace bra'-clad body.

_Oh and the way Arizona's mouth had tasted._

'Seriously woman, you need to get a grip!' she chastised herself.

Callie quickly skimmed the contents of the closet to find nothing resembling a towel. She groaned to herself in frustration.

What was she doing? Barging wet and drenched into Arizona's apartment screaming like a – she chuckled – a _daft _lunatic. She shouldn't have yelled at Arizona… she should have heard her out. God she had looked so vulnerable and alone, just the thought made Callie want to run out and hold her. But then again, they still did have to talk… _that _hadn't changed.

She unhooked that ridiculously tight bra ready to slip out of it.

_Dammit, where in hell was that damn towel! _

Callie whirled around in a huff and stood stunned into oblivion, gaze frozen at the sight of the dazed blonde who stood in the doorway watching her almost naked body; towel in hand.

Callie felt heart heartbeat run in frenzy at that look in the deepest azure of those eyes. Arizona's breath was shallow and her eyes seemed to divulge the _most _carnal longing Callie had ever seen …

#

* * *

**Told you guys this chapter would end on a happier note! Anyways, reviews make me super happy, so I'd love to hear what you guys thought! The positive and the negative cuz' I'm learning too, so don't hold back on the criticism. If you guys liked a particular part – I'd love to know!**

**Thank you so much for reading.**

**I'm very excited for the next chapter ;) I will update ASAP :D**


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